# Best and Worst ESPN dudes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587 "2001-06-04T23:03:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2001, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/1 "2001-06-04T23:03:51Z")
Since Keith Olbermann left ESPN’s Sportscenter, the ratings for the show have gone down a little (I think that’s right). Anyway, I watch it and other ESPN shows as often as possible, usually as background noise while I’m online. And I thought I’d ask all y’all which ESPN “personalities” you like and don’t like. Don’t Like: **Kenny Mayne**. BORING! And what the hell is up with his hair? It’s always sticking out. **Larry Biel**. Again, boring. No personality. Dull, monotonous delivery. **Roy Firestone** and **Chris Miller**. They both host “Up Close” from time to time, and they lob more softball after softball. So, boring AND fawning. Like: **Stuart Scott**. Hip and funny, still doing very well. I find him entertaining. **Rich Eisen**. Same as Scott, and he works best with him. Good team. **Dan Patrick**. The Master! The Master! **Chris Berman**. One of the originals; still VERY way cool. I’ll think of more as I watch it… 🙂 Your thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/2 "2001-06-05T02:49:41Z")
Chris Berman is the reason why there is a mute button on the remote. Damn, he’s annoying! Enough with the stupid sound effects, please. Kenny Mayne is smooth. I bet he gets all the girls in Bristol. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/3 "2001-06-05T03:11:07Z")
Every time Kenny Mayne delivers his “Let’s see what Albanian women aged 18-40 (or Italian men aged 24-50 or whatever nationality and age group he chooses) think about this play” catchphrase, I want to smack him. Then I want to ask him, “Why do you keep saying that? What the hell does it mean? Why won’t you stop?” I would also like to ask Chris Berman precisely why nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Now, **dan** , I don’t get to see “Up Close” quite as often as I would like, but when is the last time Roy Firestone even did it? The last guest host for Gary Miller was Nick Bakay. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/4 "2001-06-05T03:22:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*Now, **dan** , I don’t get to see “Up Close” quite as often as I would like, but when is the last time Roy Firestone even did it? The last guest host for Gary Miller was Nick Bakay. \*\* Hm, I don’t know. I thought for it had been Roy’s show and Gary was filling in, but maybe he was taking over. Which is fine, except Gary’s worse, IMO! Dumb as a doornail, and remember - he’s the one who was arrested for pissing out of a hotel room window. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/5 "2001-06-05T04:42:31Z")
[http://espn.go.com/espninc/personalities/index.html](http://espn.go.com/espninc/personalities/index.html) I’ve always liked Keith Olbermann, Rich Eisen, Rece Davis, Steve Levy, and Linda Cohn. I’ve often said my personal Hell would be being locked in a small room with Dick Vitale, Jon Miller, and Joe Morgan. I can’t stand it when the latter two do Braves games. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/6 "2001-06-05T05:21:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*and remember - he’s the one who was arrested for pissing out of a hotel room window. 🙂 \*\* It worse than that. He pissed on an off-duty policeman’s car. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/7 "2001-06-05T08:52:43Z")
I think Keith Olbermann was the best. Funny AND intellectual. Only downside was a tendency to laugh at his own jokes. I remember him from local LA news. There was one time they were showing California Angels highlights, and after showing the go ahead run scoring in a particular game, they cut to a bikini clad **BABE** (and I mean _babe_…wowsers) pouring a cup of water on herself. Olberman’s comment was “And in other news, Bimbo Coles was traded from Miami to…” 😛 I like Stuart Scott, Dan Patrick and Kenny Mayne (particularly when he does his home run calls). No one I really dislike, except I think Berman’s overrated. With all due respect to **AudreyK** , Dickie V’s funny (he used to really get on my nerves) so long as you don’t take him seriously. Miller and Morgan aren’t bad, though Miller has a tendency, like Scully, to try to get too lyrical and Morgan, though a really mentally savvy baseball player, can say some pretty trite and stupid things. Semi-hijack: one of my favorite ESPN commercials is where Evander Holyfield asks “Charley Steiner said I’m only one of the top fifty heavyweights in the world??” and someone (don’t remember who) replied, “In Georgia.” :eek: 😛 Cut away to Steiner hiding under his desk. Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention one more ESPN commentator who I DO think is knowledgeable. Even though I barely listen to what Melissa Stark says. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/8 "2001-06-05T10:32:44Z")
En fuego. Add Trey Wingo and Karl Ravech to my ‘like’ list. The Baseball Tonight promos Ravech does with Harold Reynolds are hilarious. Oh, and Dave Campbell gives me the creeps. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/9 "2001-06-05T12:43:39Z")
I like looking at Suzy Kolber, myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Shylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shylock)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/10 "2001-06-05T13:34:17Z")
Slightly off topic… As far as ESPN personalities go, one of my favorites is on the radio. Tony Kornheiser show, from 10 - 1 east coast, can be side-splittingly funny. He’s not all focused on sports; there can be some interesting topical stuff as well as sports. As an added bonus, the show’s even better if you can listen on the Internet. They don’t play the (incessant) commercials; instead, they just broadcast Tony et al during the breaks, when they’re just shooting the shit, so to speak. That’s when it gets _really_ funny… ---
**Author:** ![Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazing\_Tiki\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Tiki_God)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/11 "2001-06-05T13:35:57Z")
Other than Stuart Scott, Rich Eisen, Dan Patrick, and Lisa Cohn I think they are all pretty much annoying. Although it wouldn’t stop me from leaving my TV on espn non-stop if I did have cable. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/12 "2001-06-05T15:29:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF \* > \*\*I like looking at Suzy Kolber, myself. 🙂 > > \*\* On this note, I’d go for Melissa Stark. Include me in the no-liking-Joe Morgan crowd. I mute when he’s on. He is both arrogant AND ignorant. Great player? Yeah. Good analyst? No freakin way. And YEAH! Tony Kornheiser’s great. I hear him on local radio in DC, plus he also has a couple of columns in the Post. In addition to his ESPN Radio gigs. I think Dave Campbell, Jim Kaat, Peter Gammons, and Tim Kurkijan are fantastic analysts. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/13 "2001-06-05T16:15:32Z")
Stuart Scott, Dan Patrick, Rich Eisen and Kenny Mayne are all great. Chris Berman and Dick Vitale make me surf over to Fox Sports Net. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/14 "2001-06-05T16:48:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > > On this note, I’d go for Melissa Stark. Right! Because she knows so much about sports! I can’t believe everyone wasted their breath bitching about Dennis Miller last year when MELISSA LOOK-AT-MY-HAT/SCARF-COMBO STARK was actually reading notes out of notebook for her sideline reports. Good work Melissa! As if guys don’t think we’re ignorant enough already. And KENNY MAYNE is the greatest thing on ESPN. “This is Barry Bonds 510th homer…not in this game, that would be a record” “All this land is mine for as far as this ball shall fly” bwahahahahhah! And speaking of Trey Wingo…I love that ESPN commercial with the basketball player saying “no really, what’s your REAL name” jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/15 "2001-06-05T16:58:45Z")
_“Aloha means aloha.”_ --Craig Kilborn Please, please come back, Craig. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/16 "2001-06-05T17:35:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > Right! Because she knows so much about sports! I can’t believe everyone wasted their breath bitching about Dennis Miller last year when MELISSA LOOK-AT-MY-HAT/SCARF-COMBO STARK was actually reading notes out of notebook for her sideline reports. Good work Melissa! As if guys don’t think we’re ignorant enough already. No, no. Because she’s a babe. I was responding to **Airman Doors** , who said he liked looking at Suzy Kolber (who I think has delicious eyes… mmmmmm). Hey, it’s all relative. I never said I liked her for her expertise. I didn’t notice her reading out of her notebook, though. A lot of times, when I get sideline reports, I just mute the TV. I love my mute. > [@](#): > > And KENNY MAYNE is the greatest thing on ESPN. > > “This is Barry Bonds 510th homer…not in this game, that would be a record” Are you aware that he repeats this same line not only every show, but sometimes SEVERAL times in a show? The man is probably the least creative mind there. He’s goofy with bad hair and simply trots out the same shitty lines each night. Maybe you don’t watch him very often. He’s been saying the same “jokes” for at least five years, with hardly anything new (at least hardly anything memorable and new). Oh, and to top it off, he has a huge ego - witness his obnoxious promos. > [@](#): > > And speaking of Trey Wingo…I love that ESPN commercial with the basketball player saying “no really, what’s your REAL name” Me too! This one I love! Cuz it always sounded like an odd name (ok, maybe it’s just one I’m not used to hearing), and I was happy to see ESPN (and Wingo) didn’t mind making fun of it. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/17 "2001-06-05T17:57:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > Are you aware that he repeats this same line not only every show, but sometimes SEVERAL times in a show? and Homer says D’oh about seventy times, Anne Robinson says ‘you are the weakest link’, and Dennis Miller says “I don’t want to get off on a rant here…” It’s called a trademark. I think he’s very hilarious. And a cutie. He can stop by and read me the scores any day. > [@](#): > > Oh, and to top it off, he has a huge ego - witness his obnoxious promos. My god, I hope you don’t mean the DVD promo “some women find me very sexy…” that’s a joke, dan. I think it’s a riot. > [@](#): > > Me too! This one I love! Cuz it always sounded like an odd name (ok, maybe it’s just one I’m not used to hearing), and I was happy to see ESPN (and Wingo) didn’t mind making fun of it. Well finally! We agree. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2001, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/18 "2001-06-05T18:09:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > and Homer says D’oh about seventy times, Anne Robinson says ‘you are the weakest link’, and Dennis Miller says “I don’t want to get off on a rant here…” It’s called a trademark. > > I think he’s very hilarious. And a cutie. He can stop by and read me the scores any day. 1. “D’oh” is an exclamation. If I said “shit” every day in different contexts, it would never cease to be uproariously funny. 🙂 2. “You are the weakest link” is part of the game show - I mean, isn’t the show’s name “Weakest Link”?? 3. Dennis doesn’t say that every time. Usually, he just rants. Oh, and none of them are trademarks; none are even “signature lines”. 🙂 But it’s ok! I’m glad you’re getting into the spirit of things, even if he IS one ugly mofo. > [@](#): > > My god, I hope you don’t mean the DVD promo “some women find me very sexy…” that’s a joke, dan. I think it’s a riot. 🙂 I know it’s a joke. It’s a tired joke. Because he sneaks junk like that into the shows, too. And don’t tell me some overzealous android is feeding him his lines, either; as we all know, the ESPN personalities write their own shtuff. > [@](#): > > Well finally! We agree. Only cause I’m right. Actually, I do owe you an apology - this is IMHO, after all. I’m in a pseudoserious debate elsewhere, and my mannerisms there are carrying over to here. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/19 "2001-06-06T06:46:11Z")
Wait just a second here, **jarbabyj**! You know I think you’re “all that”…well, I hope you know that, anyway. But I gotta call you out on this. What’s the difference between: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **Right! Because she knows so much about sports! I can’t believe everyone wasted their breath bitching about Dennis Miller last year when MELISSA LOOK-AT-MY-HAT/SCARF-COMBO STARK was actually reading notes out of notebook for her sideline reports.** and: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **I think he’s very hilarious. And a cutie. He can stop by and read me the scores any day.** Since you pretty much admit that your perception of Mayne is influenced by his being a “cutie”. Oh, and I suspect that score reading doesn’t allow itself to any more insight than Melissa Stark’s sideline reports. Signed, The person who **first** mentioned Melissa Stark in this thread. P.S. I wish it wasn’t so much “MELISSA LOOK-AT-MY-HAT/SCARF-COMBO STARK” as “MELISSA LOOK-AT-MY-BRA/PANTIES-COMBO STARK” or “MELISSA STARK NAKED” [SUB]I will grudgingly admit that as gorgeous as Melissa Stark is, she does kind of have buggy space alien eyes. Not that this lessens my libido in the slightest. [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Blunt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Blunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blunt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587/20 "2001-06-06T07:11:35Z")
My favorite is definitely **Kenny Mayne**. I think he says the funniest lines (even if he does recycle a bit), my favorite being when he says something like “On paper this matchup would favor so-and-so team, but that’s why the games aren’t played on paper, they’re played inside your TV.” I also enjoy it when he talks junk to Trey Wingo, I am starting to think there may be some actual bad-blood between those two. Any time Wingo messes up a line or anything, Mayne will point it out right away, usually from off-camera. The only guys I really don’t like are **Stewart Scott** and **Dick Vitalle**. I am very very sick of Scott’s constant lame hip-hop references, and as for Vitale, I think he is as annoying as anyone on TV anywhere. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-espn-dudes/67587.md?page=2)