# Best and worst rhymes in songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2004, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116 "2004-08-03T08:14:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/21 "2004-08-03T15:04:56Z")
Amazing. The first names that popped into my mind when I read “best rhymes in song” were Tom Lehrer and W.S. Gilbert. Seems I’m not alone in making that association. The lines quoted above from Cole Porter, for example, were quite obviously “inspired” by Gilbert & Sullivan’s _The Sorcerer_. The song _My Name is John Wellington Wells_ is the single most difficult patter song in all of G&S, and includes the following lines. > [@](#): > > ``` > And then, if you plan it, he > Changes organity, > With an urbanity, > Full of Satanity, > Vexes humanity > With an inanity > Fatal to vanity-- > Driving your foes to the verge of insanity! > > Barring tautology, > In demonology, > 'Lectro-biology, > Mystic nosology, > Spirit philology, > High-class astrology, > Such is his knowledge, he > Isn't the man to require an apology! > > Oh! > My name is John Wellington Wells, > I'm a dealer in magic and spells, > In blessings and curses > And ever-filled purses, > In prophecies, witches, and knells. > > If any one anything lacks, > He'll find it all ready in stacks, > If he'll only look in > On the resident Djinn, > Number seventy, Simmery Axe! > > ``` _You_ try saying that at breakneck speed. As far as Tom Lehrer goes, he was at his most brilliant when he parodied W.S. Gilbert: > [@](#): > > That I missed her depressed her young sister named Esther, > This mister to pester she tried. > Now her pestering sister’s a festering blister, > You’re best to resist her, say I. > > The mister resisted, the sister persisted, > I kissed her, all loyalty slipped. > When she said I could have her, her sister’s cadaver > Must surely have turned in its crypt. > Yes, yes, yes, yes! > > But I love she and she loves me. > Enraptured are the both of we. > Yes I love she and she loves I > And will through all eternity! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/22 "2004-08-03T15:16:24Z")
To work, a rhyme has to be of words that are appropriate for the situation. Putting a word that doesn’t fit just because it rhymes is obvious. Rhymes that have been done a million times before are pathetic, so any rhyme with “love” is a recipe for disaster. Complex rhyming schemes such as two consecutive words that rhyme with each of two later consecutive words are great if done properly. One of my favorite Dylan tune, No Time to Think, has a lot of classic Dylan rhymes… The empress attracts you but oppression distracts you… I’ve seen all these decoys through a set of deep turquoise… Stripped of all virtue as you crawl through the dirt, You… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/23 "2004-08-03T15:29:17Z")
**Kizarvexius** already got in with my favourite Lehrer rhyme in the ‘Clementine’ parody. So I’ll contribute another piece of Lehrer genius: [/quote] We’ve gained notoriety, And caused much anxiety In the Audubon Society With our games. They call it impiety And lack of propriety, And quite a variety Of unpleasant names. But it’s not against any religion To want to dispose of a pigeon. [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/24 "2004-08-03T15:46:35Z")
Tim Rice also got flack for His astonding clothing took the biscuit Quite the smoothest person in the district. Critics said it was “simplistic.” Rice responded “If it’s so simplistic, let’s see you do it.” I’ve always loved the pyjamas/famers rhyme. Don Black in "Tell Me On a Sunday: Take me to a zoo that’s got chimpanzees Tell me on a Sunday please. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/25 "2004-08-03T15:54:04Z")
> [@Kizarvexius](#): > > As far as Tom Lehrer goes, he was at his most brilliant when he parodied W.S. Gilbert: I think we have a winner. But no matter. I think we can all agree that Lehrer and Gilbert together are the all-time champs. ---
**Author:** ![pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9e5f3/32.png) [@pretend\_my\_name\_is\_witty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pretend_my_name_is_witty)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/26 "2004-08-03T16:02:24Z")
**Billy Talent** are as you’d expect from their namesake, a rather talented Emo band. But one of their best songs, IMHO, is spoiled by an awful attempted rhyme. From **Line & Sinker** _Everybody needs some **sympathy** Santa seemed to miss my **chimney** _ I’m sorry, but those two words just _dont rhyme_, and he ends up pronouncing chimney “_chim-en-ay_”. Which just sounds silly. Well, I’m done now I’ve said it. Thankyou. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/27 "2004-08-03T16:09:37Z")
Tom Lehrer would vote for Stephen Sondheim: Her majes **ty** considers **the** arrangements to be tentative, Until we sh **ip** a proper d **ip** lomatic representative. We don’t for **see** that you will **be** the least bit argumentative, So please ign **ore** the man-of- **war** we brought as a preventative. Sorry, I don’t know what song/show this is from, I know it from a Tom Lehrer interview where he quotes it as what he admires in lyric writing. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/28 "2004-08-03T16:30:57Z")
In the worst rhymes category, I hearby nominate Madonna’s “Vogue”, wherein she bravely rhymes “to it” with “to it”. > [@Madonna](#): > > Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it > Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/29 "2004-08-03T16:35:22Z")
What about _War Pigs_? Generals gathered in their **masses** Just like witches at black **masses** Pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/30 "2004-08-03T17:08:33Z")
Favorite rhymes ever: Young MC - _Bust A Move_. Such as… > [@](#): > > A chick walks by you wish you could sex her > But you’re standin’ on the wall like you was Poindexter > > Next day’s function, high-class luncheon > Food is served and you’re stone cold munchin’ > Music comes on, people start to dance > But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants > > … > > You say “neato”, check your libido > And roll to the church in your new tuxedo Am I alone here? ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/31 "2004-08-03T18:50:14Z")
> [@Small Clanger](#): > > Tom Lehrer would vote for Stephen Sondheim: > > Her majes **ty** considers **the** arrangements to be tentative, > > Until we sh **ip** a proper d **ip** lomatic representative. > > We don’t for **see** that you will **be** the least bit argumentative, > > So please ign **ore** the man-of- **war** we brought as a preventative. It’s from the song “Please Hello” in the musical “Pacific Overtures” Another by him “Hey fella, feel like you’re a **failure**? Bailiff on your **tail? Your** wife run out for good?” And, of course, his rhyme for “locksmith” ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/32 "2004-08-03T18:51:11Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > Probably my most hated rhyme, courtesy of The Police: > > Our so-called leaders speak > With words they try to **jail ya** > They subjugate the meek > But it’s the rhetoric of **failure** Sting has a LOT of explaining to do about some of the police lyrics. The Police were the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title, but unfortunately I can’t think of any others right now. The “jail ya” bit is at the top of the list, although I remember something about “Scylla and Carybdis” that got a double-whammy because it was a lame rhyme and awfully pretentious at the same time. For now, my vote is for Freedom Williams of the C+C Music Factory: _You’re just a girl and I’m your squirrel_ _Tryin’ to get the nut to move your butt_ ---
**Author:** ![Helena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c68b51/32.png) [@Helena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/33 "2004-08-03T19:17:17Z")
“[The Errant Apprentice](http://wildbillwatkins.com/songs/errant_apprentice.htm)” has some great rhymes, including Sure, bravery’s no virtue when some heathen’s trying to hurt you And all noble thoughts desert you when you see his curly knife ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/34 "2004-08-03T19:18:53Z")
Good rhyming: The Three Minute Hamlet \*Then when Hamlet killed Polonius, and the corpus was delecti, Was the king’s excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie, With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there, But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger straight on that pair. When Laertes heard his dad’s killed in the bedroom in the arras, He came running back to Elsinore tout-suite hot-foot from Paris. When Ophelia heard her dad’s killed by the man she was to marry, After saying it with flowers, she committed hari-kari. \* ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/35 "2004-08-03T19:31:30Z")
I was going to do good/bad rhymes in one post, but I couldn’t remember what song was bad, bad, bad: Rest, Sweet Nymphs \*1. Rest, sweet nymphs, let golden sleep Charm your starbrighter **eyes,** Whiles my lute the watch doth keep With pleasing **sympathies.** Lulla lullaby, lullaby! Sleep sweetly, Sleep **sweetly,** Let nothing **affright ye;** In calm contentments lie. 1. Thus, dear damsels, I do give Good night, and so am \*\*gone. \*\* With your hearts’ desires long live, Still joy and never \*\*moan. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/36 "2004-08-03T19:33:59Z")
Stan Freberg, “It’s a Round, Round World” > [@](#): > > Columbus: Friend, > Get hip, > Would I climb aboard this ship > If I didn’t have odds the earth was highly _spherical_? > > Ferdinand: It’s a _miracle_ > If it is. Michael Flanders > [@](#): > > The fair _hippopotama_ he aimed to entice, > From her seat on that hilltop above. > As she hadn’t _got a ma_ to give her advice, > Came tip-toeing down to her love. > > Like thunder the forest re-echoed the sound, > Of the song that they sang as they met. > His _inamorata_ adjusted her _garter_, > And lifted her voice in duet: > [@](#): > > Said the right-handed honeysuckle to the left-handed bindweed, > “Oh, let us get married, if our parents don’t mind, we’d > Be loving and inseparable, inextricably entwined, we’d > Live happily ever after” said the honeysuckle to the bindweed… > > Said the anti-clockwise bindweed to the clockwise honeysuckle, > “We’d better start saving, many a mickle macks a muckle, > Then run away for a honeymoon and hope that our luck’ll > Take a turn for the better” said the bindweed to the honeysuckle. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/37 "2004-08-03T19:53:18Z")
When I think of the absolute \*worst \* rhymes, one song immediately comes to mind. Eagle-Eye Cherry’s “When Mermaids Cry” > [@](#): > > Seagulls fly > When mermaids cry > Those tears won’t dry > For Lorelei That’s bad. I can’t think of any amazing ones right now, so I’ll throw out this from Da Vinci’s Notebook’s “Another Irish Drinkin’ Song” > [@](#): > > Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun, > but in fact he’s just a leper and his arms and legs are gone. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/38 "2004-08-03T20:38:35Z")
First thing I thought of (for worse) is Tina Turner’s You’re simply the best, better than all the rest Any rhyming of “best” and “rest” sounds like it came from a badly written high-school yearbook ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/39 "2004-08-03T20:55:15Z")
I personally find all the rhymes in [I Say a Little Prayer](http://www.songlyrics4u.com/dionne-warwick/i-say-a-little-prayer.html) annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/40 "2004-08-03T21:00:04Z")
Don’t forget this classic: > [@](#): > > What can I say, my dear, > To make it clear > I need you badly, badly, Madam Librarian…Marian > If I stumbled > And I busted my what-you-may-call-it > I could lie on your floor unnoticed > 'Till my body had turned to carrion… And also from _The Music Man_ > [@](#): > > I flinch, I shy, when the lass with the delicate air goes by > I smile, I grin, when the gal with a touch of sin walks in. > I hope, and I pray, for a Hester to win just one more “A” > The sadder-but-wiser girl’s the girl for me. As far as really BAD rhymes, I don’t think there’s much of anything worse than Neil Diamond’s > [@](#): > > Songs she sang to me > Songs she brang to me Shudders. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116.md?page=3)