# Best and worst rhymes in songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2004, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116 "2004-08-03T08:14:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/61 "2004-08-04T05:36:55Z")
Sure, it does not really make sense, but I like Sparklehorse’s Apple bed because of: “Of horses wet with melted ice they would not heed my advice and burdened limbs of its weight to break and rot a whispered fate” I also like They Might Be Giant’s They’ll Need a Crane: “They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane To take the house he built for her apart To make it break it’s gonna take a metal ball hung from a chain They’ll need a crane, they’ll need a crane To pick the broken ruins up again To mend her heart, to help him start to see a world apart from pain” Sure, it is simple, but in context with the rest of the song it can be pretty interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/62 "2004-08-04T05:39:30Z")
Although I loved the song, “Oliver’s Army” by Elvis Costello contained a few questionable rhymes: e.g.: Hong Kong is up for grabs London is full of Arabs and: If you’re out of luck or out of work We could send you to Johannesburg (OK, maybe that wasn’t meant to rhyme, but it is sort of sung as though it is.) But the most grating bit of that song is when he changes Oliver’s Army from the singular in one line to the plural in the next: Oliver’s Army is here to stay Oliver’s Army are on their way ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/63 "2004-08-04T06:11:28Z")
Paul McCartney can come up with some real stinkers. > [@](#): > > I KNOW I WAS A CRAZY FOOL, > FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY I DID. > BUT SOMETHING GOT A HOLD OF ME > AND I ACTED LIKE A DUSTBIN LID. _Cringe_. Why couldn’t he use “And I acted like a crazy kid?” It’s not that much better but at least it _makes sense_ for Christ’s sake. I’ve pretty much blocked out the other examples, but I’m sure they’ll come back to me. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/64 "2004-08-04T07:33:42Z")
> [@vibrotronica](#): > > In the worst rhymes category, I hearby nominate Madonna’s “Vogue”, wherein she bravely rhymes “to it” with “to it”. > > > [@Madonna](#): > > > > Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it > > Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it See, that would be great if the words before the “to it” rhymed. But “get” and “nothing” don’t, so I agree with you. Pretty horrible rhyme. “Stalk of Wheat” by They Might Be Giants. It flows well, but it’s kind of meaningless, so I think we can put it on the “best or worst? you choose!” list. I was all out of luck Like a duck that died. I was all out of juice Like a moose denied. I was all out of money Like a bunny that’s broke. I was all out of work Like a jerk who’s a joke. Immediately after this, he admits, “And I was out of ideas, like I is,” presumably meaning that he wrote this song because he was out of ideas, and this was all he could think of. And back to the theatre… From “Different,” _Honk_: If they knew, just how dearly I would love to qu-, qua-, quONK!!! But it’s true. I’m a bird who seems to lack the knack. See, it rhymes with what he was trying to say, instead of with what he did say. Clever. I don’t know much Sondheim, but here’s some _Into the Woods_: Into the woods without re **gret** , The choice is made, the task is **set**. Into the woods but not for **get** ting Why we’re on the journey. It flows perfectly. And: You’ll just leave him a clue For example, a shoe And then see what he’ll do Now it’s he and not you Who is stuck with a shoe In a stew In the goo And you’ve learned something, too Something you never knew On the steps of the palace. I like it, but perhaps we could have done without “stew” and “goo”? By the way, does anyone know whether characters’ names are chosen specifically for their rhymes? For example, in Avenue Q, they sing: Brian: It sucks to be Brian, Kate: And Kate. Brian: To not have a job. Kate: To not have a date. Did they pick Kate’s name, and then write those lines, working her name into it? Or did they decide while they were writing this song to name her Kate, because they could rhyme it with “date”? ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/65 "2004-08-04T14:32:10Z")
Another Gilbertian masterpiece is a song from _Iolanthe_ called “When you’re lying awake with a dismal headache”. It is frequently referred to as “The Nightmare”, not only because that is the subject of the song, but because it’s extremely difficult to sing. The finale of the song is as follows: > [@](#): > > You’re a regular wreck, with a crick in your neck, > And no wonder you snore, for your head’s on the floor, > And you’ve needles and pins from your soles to your shins, > And your flesh is a-creep, for your left leg’s asleep, > And you’ve cramp in your toes, and a fly on your nose, > And some fluff in your lung, and a feverish tongue, > And a thirst that’s intense, and a general sense > That you haven’t been sleeping in clover; > But the darkness has passed, and it’s daylight at last, > And the night has been long–ditto ditto my song– > And thank goodness they’re both of them over! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/66 "2004-08-04T16:46:43Z")
Has anyone else had the joy of reading Danielle Steel love poetry? No? Good. I thought of Flanders and Swann, too. The Hippopotamus song is particularly clever, although I think my favourite is Madeira M’Dear. Don’t know if the rhymes look particularly clever typed out. “He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat To view his collection of stamps. He said as he hastened to put out the lamp, The wine, his cigar, and the cat, ‘Have some Madeira, m’dear. It’s really an excellent year. And once it’s been opened, you know it won’t keep. Do finish it up; it will help you to sleep’” I really like the “She lowered her standards by raising her glass her courage, her eyes and his hopes. She sipped it, she drank it She drained it She did. He quietly refilled it again. And he said, as he carved one more notch On the butt of his gold-handled cane.” bit. Now that I look at it, it’s mostly tempo rather than rhyme. Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/67 "2004-08-04T17:04:13Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > I KNOW I WAS A CRAZY FOOL, > FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY I DID. > BUT SOMETHING GOT A HOLD OF ME > AND I ACTED LIKE A DUSTBIN LID. If you’d said anyone else had written this, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I though “she obviously knows her Beatles” and “it’s _Paul_.” Still, that’s a low point even for him. Please do share anything else your memory regurgitates. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/68 "2004-08-04T18:23:23Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > IMO, the best rhymes are those that are hidden, either in phrasing or by changing the rhythm. > > The best example I can think of is in _What’s The Use Of Wondrin’_, from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s _Carousel_: > > And when he wants your kisses, you will give them to the lad, > And anywhere he leads you will walk. > And anytime he needs you, you’ll go running there like mad. > > He’s your fella, and you love him, > And all the rest is talk. FWIW, Mr. Sondheim, Oscar Hammerstein’s protoge, admires this song too. But Hammerstein himself had a nagging complaint about the number – one that is not apparent just by reading it on the page. The song ends with the word “talk,” a word that ends with closed sound, clipped by a consanant. Songs are meant to be sung, not read. Hammerstein hated that the number was so hard to sing and wished he ended the lyric with an open vowel instead. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/69 "2004-08-04T21:47:22Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > I think my favourite is Madeira M’Dear. Tony Randall did an excellent reading of this on a 70’s variety show (whose name I cannot remember). ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/70 "2004-08-04T22:13:38Z")
First of all, I have to second (or third) **Flanders and Swann** as the masters of rhyming, and clever lyrics and wordplay in general. A few more from _Madeira M’Dear_: Now if it were gin you’d be wrong to say yes The evil gin does would be hard to assess Besides it’s inclined to affect me prowess and a hilarious rhyme which involves deliberately mispronouncing French: I don’t care for Sherry, one cannot drink Stout, And Port is a wine I can well do without; It’s simply a case of Chacun a son GOUT! I also love this line from **Pippin** : And if all the ploys we’ve picked to really work to bring to pass occur We won’t have just a victory, we’ll have ourselves a massacre And while we’re on the topic of generally clever wordplay, from **One Night in Bangkok** we have: Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/71 "2004-08-04T22:14:53Z")
From \* My Fair Lady\* Ev’ry time we looked around There he was, that hairy hound From Budapest. Never leaving us alone, Never have I ever known A ruder pest ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/72 "2004-08-04T22:51:33Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > From \* My Fair Lady\* > Ev’ry time we looked around > There he was, that hairy hound > From Budapest. > Never leaving us alone, > Never have I ever known > A ruder pest Oh, but you forgot my favorite line: > [@](#): > > Oozing charm from ev’ry pore > He oiled his way around the floor ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/73 "2004-08-04T23:20:25Z")
but rhyming ‘foreign’ with ‘aren’ is pushing his luck. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/74 "2004-08-04T23:25:24Z")
Tom Waits lays this line on you: > [@](#): > > Well she’s up against the register with an apron and a spatula, And you think, good lord, how will he ever manage to rhyme that? So, he goes: > [@](#): > > Yesterday’s deliveries, tickets for the bachelors Personally, I consider it a triumph. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/75 "2004-08-05T02:02:43Z")
Sorry, I don’t know show music that well, so I’ll limit myself to pop music. **Carly Simon** who is always _very_ particular about her songwriting would _never_ write something like this (Carole Bayer Sager wrote these lyrics to “ **The Spy Who Loved Me** ”) The way that you hold me, whenever you hold me. Wow, I bet Ms Sager had to get the rhyming dictionary out for that one. Probably Carly’s most famous song “You’re So Vain” has got some great rhymes: You walked in to the party, like you were walking onto a yacht, Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, your scarf if was apricot, You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte. * * * And let’s wind this up with 2 very bad rhymes - “ **Eve of Destruction** ” by Barry Maguire (written by PF Sloan) Think of all the hate there is in Red China, Then take a look around to Selma Alabama. That’s really forcing it don’t you think? * * * “ **Teen Angel** ” by Mark Dinning (written by Jean Surrey & Red Surrey) This last verse is classic: Just sweet sixteen, and now you’re gone, they’ve taken you away. I’ll never kiss your lips again, they buried you today. Well it does rhyme but it sure sounds hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/76 "2004-08-05T03:37:44Z")
Another vote for Flanders and Swann. When I think of complicated rhymes, the one that always comes to mind is a fragment from their song “Friends”: _When they whispered, “Napoleon pays Josephine’s rent” – “Nonsense!” said Bonaparte, “She lives on her own, apart, In her own apart-ment!”_ Sheer genius. ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/77 "2004-08-05T04:18:37Z")
I also always loved Pete Seeger. Man, he sure could put a mean song together. From a Draft Dodger’s Rag Song: “…Sarge, I’m only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat, and my asthma’s getting worse O think of my career, my sweetheart dear, and my poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain’t no fool, I’m a goin’ to school, and I’m working in a defense plant I’ve got a dislocated disc and a racked up back I’m allergic to flowers and bugs And when bombshells hit, I get epileptic fits And I’m addicted to a thousand drugs I got the weakness woes, I can’t touch my toes I can hardly touch my knees And if the enemy came close to me I’d probably start to sneeze…” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/78 "2004-08-05T04:22:42Z")
Seventy-six posts, and nobody’s mentioned Alice Cooper’s immortal We’ve got no discipline We’ve got no class We’ve got no intelligence We can’t think of a word that rhymes! ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/79 "2004-08-05T04:56:50Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > Seventy-six posts, and nobody’s mentioned Alice Cooper’s immortal > > We’ve got no discipline > We’ve got no class > We’ve got no intelligence > We can’t think of a word that rhymes! How 'bout ICPs: You’ve heard this beat 80 times, I’m’a still freak it and if you notice, my shit don’t even rhyme ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116/80 "2004-08-05T06:56:33Z")
**Zebra Sha Sha** Actually **Phil Ochs** wrote “Draft Dodger Rag”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-and-worst-rhymes-in-songs/258116.md?page=5)