# Best Bart Simpson lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 16, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716 "2003-10-16T02:55:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/1 "2003-10-16T02:55:18Z")
How is this thread missing? …useless, just as useless as that yellow, lemon-shaped rock over there. Hey, wait a minute. There’s a lemon behind that rock! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/2 "2003-10-16T02:58:50Z")
Because bart doesn’t often come out with funny lines. He’s cleverer than Homer. Homer’s stupidity is what makes him funny. Try as I might, I can’t think of one right now. ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/3 "2003-10-16T04:06:49Z")
“I didn’t do it.” ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/4 "2003-10-16T04:18:17Z")
Homer: My prices are so low, you’ll think I’ve suffered brain damage! Bart: You _are_ fully licensed by the state, right? Homer: Shut up, boy. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/5 "2003-10-16T04:52:38Z")
Lisa: Pablo Neruda says that laughter is the language of the soul. Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/6 "2003-10-16T04:58:50Z")
“I’m failing English and the other day I found myself a little attracted to Milhouse!” “Smashy smashy!” “The principal said potty!” “Oh, there’s no sugar in Pixi Stix!” “Oh, I dunno, something about a bunch of men alone, in the woods. Seems kinda gay.” ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/7 "2003-10-16T05:13:18Z")
Vegas Mom: I could teach you to count cards. Bart: Eh. I got a system. Bart (resisting Lisa’s babysitting): I’m using nonviolent resistance! Lisa: Ugh! I can’t believe you would invoke Mahatma Ghandi! Bart: Who? And here’s one where Bart didn’t say much, but his expression said everything: Chalmers: Laugh it up, you punks, 'cause you and Jan Murray here just cost our town the Olympics. Bart: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from? Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask? [Bart is about to say something when Skinner Quickly puts his hand over his mouth] ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/8 "2003-10-16T05:36:49Z")
doing this from memory… I am Bart, thy God, when I’m not here, the Krusty doll will be your God, if the Krusty doll fails to live up to its duty, you will worship the lightswitch. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/9 "2003-10-16T06:09:16Z")
“I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything.” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/10 "2003-10-16T06:52:21Z")
The best of course is when Homer’s face appears on a box of dishwashing soap (I think it is soap anyway…) He searches out why and it turns out his face is a combination of a fish face and a light bulb. Bart says “There’s your answer fish bulb.” ---
**Author:** ![Loopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loopus/32/15343_2.png) [@Loopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/11 "2003-10-16T07:20:23Z")
There’s always the classic “I’m Bart Simpson; who the hell are you?” ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/12 "2003-10-16T07:26:24Z")
“All the best bands are affiliated with Satan” To Milhouse – “You SHANK!” ---
**Author:** ![NFlanders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@NFlanders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NFlanders)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/13 "2003-10-16T13:29:15Z")
What’s everyone’s problem? I’m glad we’re stranded! It’ll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing! We’re gonna live like kings! Damn, hell, ass kings! I’ll show Lisa who’s dumb! (picks up newspaper)…Supreme Court reverses…uuuhh, I won’t turn to the comics I won’t turn to the comics! All right, I’ll read one comic just to get me rolling. Archie: Hey jughead, did you hear, the Supreme Court reversed ooohh! Homer: Ah DAMNIT! Bart: Hey dad, heard you swearing, mind if I join in? Crap! Boobs! Crap! … Bart: But I thought you loved edison! Homer: Ah, the hell with him! Bart: Yeah, hell damn fart! Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition Lisa: That’s what Veterans Day is for, Bart Bart: But is that really enough to honour our brave soldiers? Lisa: They also have memorial day! Bart: Oh Lisa maybe you’re right maybe you’re wrong, the important thing is that veterans deserve a day to honour them! Lisa: They have TWO! Bart: Well maybe they should have three, I’m Bart Simpson. ---
**Author:** ![Jayrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Jayrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayrot)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/14 "2003-10-16T16:41:04Z")
Juh? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/15 "2003-10-17T00:42:29Z")
Marge: So kids, what did you learn about in Sunday school today? Bart: Hell Homer: BART! Marge: Bart! Watch your mouth! Bart: But that’s what we learned about. I sure as HELL can’t tell you we learned about HELL unless I say HELL, can I? Homer: The lad has a point. Bart: Hell yes! Marge: Bart! You’re no longer in Sunday School. Don’t swear. Bart: Hell, hell hell hell hell hell! ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/16 "2003-10-17T01:00:38Z")
“Hey mom, our crap shack’s going to hell.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/17 "2003-10-17T05:55:21Z")
“I’d sell my soul for a Formula 1 car” (Satan Flanders appears) “Nah…changed my mind.” (Bart and Milhouse are spying on the Shelbyville kids) Milhouse: I thought you said you could read lips. Bart: I assumed I could. ---
**Author:** ![Theobroma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@Theobroma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theobroma)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/18 "2003-10-17T12:47:22Z")
“I didn’t know it was biologically possible to suck and blow at the same time.” I quote that one ALL the time. ---
**Author:** ![li\_l\_Dickie\_Dirtz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@li\_l\_Dickie\_Dirtz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/li_l_Dickie_Dirtz)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/19 "2003-10-17T16:07:45Z")
Then you’re quoting it wrong. He actually says: “I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks **and** blows.” ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716/20 "2003-10-18T04:15:58Z")
“Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub!” Seriously, I use this line _all the time._ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-bart-simpson-lines/207716.md?page=2)