# Best Dirty Jokes/Rhymes/Songs from Childhood **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902 "2006-02-17T02:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/41 "2006-02-18T01:55:23Z")
_Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these_ Of course its the hand movements which provide the childish giggle factor. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/42 "2006-02-18T03:21:50Z")
Some things stick in the memory; I saw some of these in my mom’s yearbook many years ago: _(Chorus to “I’ve been working on the railroad”)_ Someone’s making love to Dinah, Someone’s making love, I know - Someone’s making love to Dinah, ‘cause I don’t hear the ol’ banjo. _(Sung to “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”)_ Last night as I lay on my pillow, Last night as I lay on my bed, I stuck both my feet out the window - Next morning, my neighbors were dead My breakfast lies over the ocean, My lunch lies over the rail, My dinner lies in great commotion, Won’t somebody bring me a pail? Finally: _(Sung to “Bicycle Built for Two”)_ John, John, here is my answer true; I’m not crazy over the likes of you. If you can’t afford a carriage, Call off the goddamned marriage, 'Cause I’ll be damned if I’ll be jammed On a bicycle built for two. Classics that shouldn’t be forgotten. ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/43 "2006-02-18T18:11:31Z")
> [@Oy!](#): > > The way I’ve heard it: > > _Hitler has only got one ball. > Goering has two, but very small. > Himmler is rather similar > And Goebals (prounounce it Go-balls for this exercise) has no balls at all._ > The rhymes work better with the actual names. But I’m too young to remember too - born in 1956! I know it as : Hitler has only got one ball. The other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, Cut it o-off when he-e was small. ---
**Author:** ![papataz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9de053/32.png) [@papataz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papataz)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/44 "2006-02-19T20:18:00Z")
I found this site while looking for a song about He-Man (BTW, it goes [sing to the theme tune]: I have the power/to pick up a flower/it takes me an hour/or two!) [http://www.playgroundlaw.com/](http://www.playgroundlaw.com/) it lists many great examples of such songs. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/45 "2006-02-19T20:41:59Z")
Here was one of mt favorites Sam Sam the lavatory man Chief inspector of the outhouse can Toilet paper tissue paper Paper towel Listen to the rumble of the human bowel Down down under the ground Look at all the floaties just a floaten around Sam Sam the lavatory man Picken up the floaties with a little tin can And then a friend of mine came up with new versions to “Yesterday” Leprosy All my skin is falling off of me I’m not half the man I used to be Oh how did I get leprosy Syphilis It all started with a little kiss Now it hurts to take a piss Oh how did I get syphilis ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/46 "2006-02-20T00:47:06Z")
Ridin’ down the highway Doin’ ninety miles an hour When the chain on my bicycle broke Landed in a ditch with a peddle up my ass And my dink playin Dixie with the spokes. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to school I go The teachers look like Frankenstein The water tastes like turpentine Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho. Ah, good times. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/47 "2006-02-20T00:47:34Z")
“#Uncle Billy had a 10 foot willy and he showed it to the girl next door, She thought it was a snake, and cut it with a rake, and now it’s only 5 foot 4.” “#Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin flew away, Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway, hey!” “I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant plucker’s son, and I’m only plucking pheasants, 'til the pheasant plucker comes.” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/48 "2006-02-20T01:18:06Z")
This is the story of Molly Brown Forty men couldn’t lay her down! Over the hill came Pistol Pete 20 pound of pure lean meat He threw Molly on the grass Stuck his dick right up her ass! Then poor Molly let a fart Which blew his balls ten feet apart Over the hill went Pistol Pete 20 pounds of shredded meat. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/49 "2006-02-20T18:32:00Z")
Mother Superior calls the 10 sisters in the convent to the common hall - lines’em up. Walking up and down in front of them she begins: “I have reason to believe a MAN was here last night.” Nine nuns gasp. One nun giggles"Tee hee hee" “We found THIS condom!” Nine nuns gasp. One nun giggles “Tee hee hee” “It has a HOLE in it” One nun gasps. Nine giggle, “Tee hee hee” ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/50 "2006-02-20T19:22:49Z")
Casey Jones was a son-of-a-bitch Drove his train into a whore house ditch Lined a hundred whores against the wall Bet ten dollars he could fuck them all Fucked ninty-eight until his balls turned blue Backed off and jacked off And fucked the other two. Rat shit, rat shit Blueberry pie Did you ever see a June bug Jack off a flie? Awwwww, they don’t make them like that anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/51 "2006-02-20T21:53:14Z")
A white guy, a black guy, and a chinese guy are all challenged by a hooker to prove their manhood by making her scream during sex. As a reward she offers to pay them if they can make her scream versus them paying her. White guy says “I’ve got an eight inch cock and I plan on gettin’ that money.” So he goes in the back, no screaming ensues. He returns dejected and the black man says “I’ve got a ten inch dick and I can make bitch scream” and heads into the back. No scream. He comes out and says “That hoe is COLD.” The chinese guy goes in and there is this huge SCREAM coming from the back room. The chinese guy comes back with a wad of cash. The white guy and black guy said “How’d you do that?” The chinese guy says(in a sing-song voice) Me chinese. Me know trick. Me put hot sauce on my dick. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2006, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/52 "2006-02-20T23:33:18Z")
“Chinese” (push corners of eyes up) “Japanese” (pull corners of eyes down) “Dirty knees” (point at knees) “Look at these” (lift shirt up) Of course, when we did it none of the girls had any “these” to look at, but we still found it inexplicably funny. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/53 "2006-02-21T06:44:39Z")
> [@Trillionaire](#): > > Milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made! > [@drmark2000](#): > > Oh, you jogged my memory on this one! > > Push the button, > Puuuulllllll the chain, > Out comes chocolate choo choo train! Alternately: _Stick your finger in the hole Now you have a Tootsie Roll!_ **featherlou** : I learned this variation on the bicycle ditty: _She’ll be comin’ round the mountain at 'bout 90_ When the chain on her motorcycle slips She’ll be ridin’ on the grass With the muffler up her ass…\* - **miles** per hour, of course – we didn’t believe in kilometers! **Mtgman** : I never heard the hot sauce jape, but did become aware of two related anecdotes based at a Chinese restaurant. In one, the customer orders a soft drink, takes a sip, and spits out the liquid. When he complains to the waiter that “This tastes terrible!”, the response is: _Me know. Me Chinese man. Me play joke. Me make wee-wee in your Coke!_ In the second, the customer orders a chocolate rabbit for dessert, takes one bite, and gags. Calling the waiter over, he screams that “This tastes like shit!” The reply? _Me know. Me Chinese man. Me be funny. Me make poo-poo into bunny!_ When I was growing up in Northeast Ohio, the truck that brought cones, Popsicles, and other treats around the neighborhood was emblazoned with the slogan “Uncle Marty’s Ice Cream”. Kids being kids, they composed and disseminated these immortal lines: _Uncle Marty had a party Everyone was there Uncle Marty cut a farty All stepped out for air!_ In households of more refined sensibilities, the third line was changed to either _Tutti Frutti blew a beauty_ or _Inky Binky blew a stinky_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/54 "2006-02-21T14:51:27Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > **featherlou** : I learned this variation on the bicycle ditty: > > _She’ll be comin’ round the mountain at 'bout 90_ > When the chain on her motorcycle slips > She’ll be ridin’ on the grass > With the muffler up her ass…\* > \ Maybe that’s the second verse. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![drmark2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@drmark2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drmark2000)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/55 "2006-02-21T14:57:44Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > _Uncle Marty had a party > Everyone was there > Uncle Marty cut a farty > All stepped out for air!_ > > In households of more refined sensibilities, the third line was changed to either _Tutti Frutti blew a beauty_ or _Inky Binky blew a stinky_. There is some theory in anthropology that addresses the concurrent development of certain phenomena (such as written language and pyramid-like structures) in various cultures that could not have had direct contact with each other. Our version of the above rhyme had nothing to do with ice cream purveyors of any description. Nevertheless, it existed. It went: Arty Farty had a party And all the farts were there. Inky Winky made a stinky And all went out for air. These apparently gratuitous and repeated references to a “bad” word and activity provided us with some important and very useful knowledge, viz., in a social situation, even farts can themselves be offended by farts. In fact, anyone at any time can be offended by something that reminds them of who and what they really are. But I digress. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/56 "2006-02-21T15:36:50Z")
> [@Nature's Call](#): > > “Chinese” (push corners of eyes up) > “Japanese” (pull corners of eyes down) > “Dirty knees” (point at knees) > “Look at these” (lift shirt up) > > Of course, when we did it none of the girls had any “these” to look at, but we still found it inexplicably funny. I first heard that last year when it was spoken by the luminous Sherry Moon Zombie in THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/57 "2006-02-21T16:15:49Z")
At girl scout camp we used to have the “Juvenile Delinquent” song: I’m a juvenile delinquent And I can’t go home no more I’m a juvenile delinquent And I can’t go home no more My mama hates me Can’t go home no more My Daddy beats me Can’t go home no more And then there’s Granny Swingin’ on the outhouse door Without her nighties Even though she’s 84! She’s very sexy And Grandpa shoutin’ “More, more, more! I’m gonna git ya!” Swingin’ on the outhouse door And that’s not all… Plus we had a joke that I still laugh at. A teenage girl had a boyfriend named Deeper. One night her parents weren’t home and she and Deeper decided now would be the time for her to lose her virginity. So they started getting it on. Then she saw light on the driveway. Her parents were coming home early! “Deeper! Deeper!” she yelled. He wouldn’t let up. Just then she heard her parents’ key in the lock and realized they were about to come into the house. “Deeper! Deeper!” she yelled. But he wouldn’t stop. She heard footsteps coming down the hall and the knob of the bedroom door turning. “Deeper! Deeper!” she screamed. And Deeper yelled back, “What do ya think I am, a telephone pole?” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/58 "2006-02-21T16:35:24Z")
Another one we learned in girl scouts was called “Boom Boom Ain’t It Great to Be Crazy.” One verse went: Now I lay me down to sleep With the boy across the street Won’t my mommy be surprised When she sees my little tummy rise! There was an old joke I learned in the late 60’s or early 70’s: A girl came home with a crisp new dollar in her hand. “Mommy,” she said, “a boy gave me a dollar for climbing the telephone pole!” “Don’t do that honey,” said her mother. “He’s just trying to see your underwear.” The next day the girl came home with a fiver. “Mommy,” she said, “that boy gave me FIVE dollars to climb the phone pole!” “Don’t do that, honey. He just wants to see your underwear,” the mother repeats. So on the third day she comes home with a ten dollar bill. “Mommy, the boy gave me TEN dollars to climb the phone poll!” The mother yells, “Dammit, how many times have I told you he just wants to see your underwear?!” “He didn’t,” the girl giggles, “because today I wasn’t wearing any.” ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/59 "2006-02-21T16:46:06Z")
> [@KRC](#): > > Plus we had a joke that I still laugh at. A teenage girl had a boyfriend named Deeper. We had a Deeper joke… way dumber than yours 😃 There was this boy in Grade 5 named Deeper. One day after school she approaches the teacher and asks, “Teacher, can you take off your shirt?” “No way!” “Deeper gonna cry” (pronounced sing song: cwIIIII-iiiii) “Oh, all right” and the teacher takes of her shirt. (somehow this made sense to us) “Teacher, can you take off your panties?” “No way!” “Deeper gonna cry!” “Oh, all right” “Teacher, can I shove this pencil up your bum” “NO WAY!” “Deeper gonna cry!” “Oh, all right.” Deeper pushes the pencil in about an inch and the teacher exclaims, “Deeper! Deeper!” So he shove it in deeper. Ba-dum-bump! ---
**Author:** ![kersting13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kersting13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kersting13)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/60 "2011-08-23T05:51:13Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > \ > _Cocksucker, motherfucker two-ball bitch. > You can’t fuck your mother 'cuz your two-balls itch._ > > I think a local kid made it up. We used to sing it like this: _You’re a motherfucker, titty sucker, two-balling bitch You got a ping pong pussy and a rubber dick!_ I have no idea where it came from. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=4)