# Best Dirty Jokes/Rhymes/Songs from Childhood **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902 "2006-02-17T02:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kersting13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kersting13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kersting13)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/61 "2011-08-23T05:57:08Z")
> [@Susie\_Derkins](#): > > There was one a friend taught me, and again I only remember a piece of it: > > He took me to his house (achee-ka) > Laid me on his couch (achee-ka) > He stuck it in easy (achee-ka) > He pulled it out greasy! This is the way we did that song. It was 5th grade and Mr. Schmiel was a doofus teacher who was re-assigned from 2nd grade to 5th grade. We all hated him. Mr. Schmiel’s got a girlfriend (ooh-ahh) He took her to his house (ooh-ahh) He laid her on the couch (ooh-ahh) He stuck it in easy (ooh-ahh) He took it out greasy (ooh-ahh) Her mother was disgusted (ooh-ahh) To see her pussy busted (ooh-ahh) Her father was surprised (ooh-ahh) To see her tummy rise (ooh-ahh) I can never remember if we reversed the mother & father lines. ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/62 "2011-08-23T06:29:22Z")
Lulu’s got a whorehouse On the edge of town 50 cents for standup A buck for lyin’ down! (Chorus) Bang on Lulu, Bang on good and hard! Who you gonna bang on When Lulu’s dead and gone? City girls use Vaseline, Country girls use lard, Lulu uses axle grease And gets it twice as hard! Chorus City girls use tampons, Country girls use rags, Lulu’s so damn loose She uses burlap bags! Chorus Lulu had a baby, It was an awful shock, They would have called it Lulu Bit the bastard had a cock! Chorus There was more, but it was a long time ago!! ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/63 "2011-08-23T06:41:22Z")
Lulu banged a zombie… ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/64 "2011-08-23T12:49:22Z")
We sang these in grade school circa 1950 To the tune of\*\* On Top Of Old Smokey\*\* On top of old Smokey All covered with snow There lay Betty Grable Without any clothes Along came Gene Autry A clippity-clop He fucked Betty Grable On that mountain top. To the tune of **St. Louis Woman** St. Louis woman, with all her diamond rings She went to bed with a fountain pen. The rubber it broke and the ink went in. And now she’s anursing a coon-boy kin. ---
**Author:** ![taffygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@taffygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taffygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/65 "2011-08-23T13:03:02Z")
> [@Nature\_s\_Call](#): > > We were too young to have experienced WWII. Nonetheless we got a kick outta this ditty: > > (to the tune of “Bridge on the River Kwai”) > _Hitler - has only got one ball > Donald - has two but they’re too small > Dougie - has something simlar > But poor old Steven has no balls at all_ > > We didn’t know any WWII evil dudes besides Hitler and Mousellini, so we substituted names from our gang, rotating whomever it was that had no balls at all (presumeably the most insulting). > > …and (to the tune of “Whistle While You Work”) > _Whistle while you work > Hitler was a jerk > Mousellini pulled his weenie > Now it doesn’t work_ In my neighborhood, it was “bit his weinie,” which may make more sense. I’ve always liked how the culture of children is passed on from kid to kid, generation to generation. I learned that little ditty in the early 60s, and you know it originated in the early 40s. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/66 "2011-08-23T13:18:39Z")
> [@taffygirl](#): > > In my neighborhood, it was “bit his weinie,” which may make more sense. > > I’ve always liked how the culture of children is passed on from kid to kid, generation to generation. I learned that little ditty in the early 60s, and you know it originated in the early 40s. Link to [Cecil’s discussion](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/881/did-hitler-have-only-one-testicle)of the Hitler-one-ball ditty. ---
**Author:** ![Amanda\_the\_Wuss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cdc98d/32.png) [@Amanda\_the\_Wuss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amanda_the_Wuss)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/67 "2011-08-26T15:50:39Z")
This isn’t from my childhood, but… This past year, living with a roommate who was fond of the exclamation “Fuck a duck!”, I found myself frequently remembering something I’d seen in a thread similar to this one on another message board a long time ago: (to the tune of “Row row row your boat”): Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck Screw a kangaroo Finger-bang an orangutang An orgy at the zoo! ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/68 "2011-08-26T16:37:54Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > Casey Jones was a son-of-a-bitch > Drove his train into a whore house ditch > Lined a hundred whores against the wall > Bet ten dollars he could fuck them all > Fucked ninty-eight until his balls turned blue > Backed off and jacked off > And fucked the other two. > > Awwwww, they don’t make them like that anymore. I remember Lou Gossett making Richard Gere do Marine exercises while chanting this one, in _ **An Officer and a Gentleman.** _ ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/69 "2011-08-26T17:17:50Z")
when you’re climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter… diarrhea. diarrhea. when you’re sitting in your chevy and you feel something heavy… diarrhea. diarrhea. etc. also, i know at least 2-3 more verses of the Suzie Tugboat song, but i learned it as a steamboat. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/70 "2011-08-27T00:12:01Z")
This one’ll get you suspended, if not arrested, nowadays! _Glory, Glory, Hallelujah! Teacher hit me with a ruler, Got behind the door with a loaded .44, She ain’t gonna teach no more!_ A few years ago, I found the ultimate reference for these songs: [**Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts: The Subversive Folklore of Childhood**](http://www.amazon.com/Greasy-Grimy-Gopher-Guts-Storytelling/dp/0874834449). Good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/71 "2011-08-28T05:51:23Z")
I learned this one in the Boy Scouts: (Sung to the tune of “Nothin’ Could Be Finer”) Nothin’ could be finer to be in your vagina In the Mooorn-iiiing Nothin’ would be sweeter than your lips around my peter In the Mooorn-iiiing I’m trying to think of another, but it’s late. ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/72 "2011-08-28T13:24:05Z")
> [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > I learned this one in the Boy Scouts: > > (Sung to the tune of “Nothin’ Could Be Finer”) > > Nothin’ could be finer to be in your vagina > In the Mooorn-iiiing > Nothin’ would be sweeter than your lips around my peter > In the Mooorn-iiiing > > I’m trying to think of another, but it’s late. I learned the last line as “Nothing could be sweeter than my honey when I eat her.” ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/73 "2011-08-28T18:26:23Z")
The Hitler/one ball ditty was still doing the rounds in Aberdeenshire, UK in the 1980s. A timeless classic! Also - wow, Yellow Submarine is popular with schoolkids! Our version was not so much dirty, more nonsensical: We all live in a yellow submarine A house in Aberdeen A tin of baked beans Another favourite was: Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you swing them over your shoulder, like a regimental soldier? Do your balls hang low? And, at the height of Fraggle Rock’s popularity, in the days when everyone watched the same TV programmes: Down at Fraggle Rock Swing that Fraggle by the cock Bash him over the head 'Til the bastards dead ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/74 "2011-08-28T19:19:01Z")
Would you suck my dick for a $100? No. Would you suck my dick for a $1,000? No. Would you suck my dick for a $1,000,000? No. What would you suck it for? Nothing. OK. Suck it for nothing. I fell for this joke. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/75 "2011-08-28T19:31:05Z")
Another book title : “The Invisible Bikini” by Seymour Hair Joe ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/76 "2011-08-28T19:42:26Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > This one’ll get you suspended, if not arrested, nowadays! > _Glory, Glory, Hallelujah! > Teacher hit me with a ruler, > Got behind the door with a loaded .44, > She ain’t gonna teach no more!_ > A few years ago, I found the ultimate reference for these songs: [**Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts: The Subversive Folklore of Childhood**](http://www.amazon.com/Greasy-Grimy-Gopher-Guts-Storytelling/dp/0874834449). Good stuff. We had another version of this. I think this is how it went. _Glory, Glory, Hallelujah! Teacher hit me with a ruler, So I shot her in the butt with a rotten coconut, And the shit came tumbling out._ Here’s the first verse of another classic from summer camp, sung to the tune of _Moondance_. \*It’s a beautiful night for a twat fight, and the twats are all red, Because their owners are all dead. \* I’ll be damned if I can remember the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/77 "2011-08-29T02:31:30Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > when you’re climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter… diarrhea. diarrhea. > when you’re sitting in your chevy and you feel something heavy… diarrhea. diarrhea. etc. > > also, i know at least 2-3 more verses of the Suzie Tugboat song, but i learned it as a steamboat. Some people think it’s funny but it’s really brown and runny … diarrhea etc Similar to the Chinaman jokes, ending in: Me no daft me no silly, me put condom on my willy. Glory glory halleluiah, Teacher hit me with a ruler I hit her in the eye With a steak and kidney pie And I aint going back no more ---
**Author:** ![KMR1990](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/919ad9/32.png) [@KMR1990](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KMR1990)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/78 "2011-09-28T04:05:19Z")
This one is the best of all!!! Kiss my act-ta-back-ta My Soda Cracka My GTO, My Booty hole Yo Ma; Yo Pa; Yo Greasy Greasy Grandma Yo Ma look like Frankenstein, with a low, low lip and a high behind! Hard to believe after 36 years I still remember these silly things!! ---
**Author:** ![Arglefraster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@Arglefraster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arglefraster)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/79 "2011-09-28T21:30:53Z")
I learned this one at 4-H Camp I hear you knockin’ but you cant come in. I’m in my nighty and it’s awful thin. I wanna do it but i know it’s a sin. Aw heck, come on in! ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/80 "2011-09-28T22:22:21Z")
This one I found REALLY funny at the age of 12. Now, it seems like a joke a 12 year-old would like… \*There were these two men who were kidnapped, and taken to a farm as the kidnappers made their demands known. Unfortunately, the response received was “Hell no, we’re not paying that much!” So the kidnappers decided to torture the men, videotape the torture, then send it back to the people who received the original ransom demand. One of the men was taken from the barn where they were being held, and the kidnapper who was holding him hostage handed him a basket: “I want you to pick 100 of your favorite fruit!” Puzzled, the man picked 100 strawberries, then had to lug the basket back to the barn, whereupon the other hostage left with another kidnapper. The kidnapper turned on a video camera and barked: “Now, I want you to bend over and stick each fruit up your ass - and don’t lose count!” So the poor hostage is sticking strawberries up his butt… “29… 30… 31…” Then, to the kidnapper’s surprise, the hostage bursts out laughing. “What’s so damned funny?!” “That other guy? His favorite fruit is **watermelons**!”\* Like I said, you have to be 12 to appreciate the subtlety in this one. And while not “dirty”, per se, I’ve successfully passed off the following ditties to my daughter, who I’m sure, will pass it off to her kids: (Sung to the tune of “On Top of Old Smokey”) \*On top of spaghetti, All covered with cheese. I lost my poor meatball, When somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, And onto the floor. And then my poor meatball, Rolled out of the door. It rolled in the garden, And under a bush. And then my poor meatball, Was nothing but mush.\* Then there’s the one sung to the tune of “America”: \*My country’s sick of me! I moved to Germany, To see my King! His name was Donald Duck! He drives a Garbage Truck! And he lives in a haunted house, With Mickey Mouse!\* Actually, the only thing dirty in the last one was the garbage truck reference. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=5)