# Best Dirty Jokes/Rhymes/Songs from Childhood **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902 "2006-02-17T02:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/101 "2012-07-22T13:53:14Z")
My favorite Limerick, that had a nice flow to it: Ethnologists up with the Sioux Wired back “Send two punts, one canoe”. The reply the next day Said “Broads on the way But what the hell’s a ‘Panoe’?” ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/102 "2012-07-22T15:13:05Z")
First dirty joke I ever heard, I was about six. “What did one ball say to the other ball? Why do we have to hang Dick did the shooting” ---
**Author:** ![rock\_party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@rock\_party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rock_party)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/103 "2012-07-22T16:35:31Z")
Amazing how all these jokes/limerick made it almost everywhere. Sung to the Beverly Hillbilly’s Theme: Cooler than the frost on a champagne glass Cooler than the hair on a polar bear’s ass Cooler than a witch’s air blown tit Cooler than a bucket full of peguin shit And growing up in New Mexico, a limerick seen on campsite outhouses: Here I sit my cheeks a flexin’ Just gave birth to another Texan. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/104 "2012-07-22T16:46:45Z")
> [@rock\_party](#): > > And growing up in New Mexico, a limerick seen on campsite outhouses: > > Here I sit my cheeks a flexin’ > Just gave birth to another Texan. A more geographically generic version: Here I sit On this porcelain pooper Giving birth to Another state trooper. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/105 "2012-07-22T20:00:35Z")
> [@razldazl99](#): > > Greasy, gummy gobs of gopher guts > mixed up monkey meats > funny birds dirty feets > french fried eyeballs laying in a pool of blood > I forgot my spoon! > > It had a sing songy tune but not from any other song I recognize. This is circa 4th grade… I learned to sing it to the tune of “[The Old Gray Mare](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm9zxTH1ywg).” Was that the tune you learned? I also learned a slightly different set of lyrics: Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Contaminated monkey feet Chopped up baby parakeet Nine green eyeballs fried in the frying pan Darn, I forgot my spoon! ---
**Author:** ![Mdcastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@Mdcastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mdcastle)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/106 "2012-07-22T20:14:02Z")
Ranger Rick had a six foot dick and showed it to the lady next door. She thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake and now it’s only five foot four. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/107 "2013-04-02T07:20:51Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > […]Me chinese. Me know trick. Me put hot sauce on my dick.[…]Steven _Now that’s catchy!_ …And those caissons go rolling along. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/108 "2013-04-02T11:07:00Z")
Oh, the midnight breeze blew through the trees and up my girlfriend’s nightie With her tits all bare, and cut-off hair, son-of-a-bitch almighty She jumped in bed and covered her head and bet me I couldn’t find it I knew damned well she was lying like hell so I jumped right in behind her Oh, I fucked her once; I fucked her twice I fucked her once too often Now I am the father of twins ‘cause of all my fuckin’ Since girls aren’t supposed to know that one, equal time: Do your boobs hang low? can you sway 'em to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Can you swing them over your shoulders like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low. (for certain women over 40, that is a painful reminder. Sorry) ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/109 "2013-04-02T15:51:11Z")
Yet another case where I was going to add my comments only to realise that I already did a year and a half ago. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/110 "2013-04-02T20:01:47Z")
"Lacey things, the wife is missing. Didn’t ask, for her permission I’m wearing her clothes, her silk panty hose. Walking around in women’s underwear. In the store, there’s a teddy. With little straps, like spagetti. It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night. Walking around in womens underwear In the office there’s a guy named Melvin. He pretends that I am Murphy Brown. He’ll say “Are you ready?” I’ll say, “Woah man! Lets wait untill the wife is out of town.” Later on, if you wanna, We can dress, like Madonna. Put on some eye shade, and join the parade. Walking around in women’s underwear. Lacey things, missing. Didn’t ask, permission. Wearing her clothes, silk panty hose. Walking around in women’s underwear. Walking around in women’s underwear. Walking around in women’s underwear…" ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2013, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/111 "2013-04-02T23:28:31Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > "Lacey things, the wife is missing. > Didn’t ask, for her permission > I’m wearing her clothes, > her silk panty hose. > Walking around in women’s underwear. > > In the store, there’s a teddy. > With little straps, like spagetti. > It holds me so tight, > like handcuffs at night. > Walking around in womens underwear > > In the office there’s a guy named Melvin. > He pretends that I am Murphy Brown. > He’ll say “Are you ready?” > I’ll say, “Woah man! Lets wait untill the wife is out of town.” > Later on, if you wanna, > We can dress, like Madonna. > Put on some eye shade, and join the parade. > Walking around in women’s underwear. > > Lacey things, missing. > Didn’t ask, permission. > Wearing her clothes, silk panty hose. > Walking around in women’s underwear. > Walking around in women’s underwear. > Walking around in women’s underwear…" Somebody’s been listening to _Twisted Christmas_ a little early this year, methinks! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![madrabbitwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@madrabbitwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madrabbitwoman)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/112 "2013-04-03T00:00:25Z")
roll me over in the clover roll me over and do it again… You have no idea how shocked I was when they started playing this song at the Salvation Army church I was attending at the time. How was I to know that the music was a hymn loooong before it was a dirty ditty/bawdy ballad. Anyway I spent the rest of the service giggling. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/113 "2013-04-03T01:12:45Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by Mtgman > > […]Me chinese. Me know trick. Me put hot sauce on my dick.[…]Steven > > _Now that’s catchy!_ > …And those caissons go rolling along. 😃 Huh. I imagined it as “This Old Man.” ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/114 "2013-04-03T04:28:20Z")
I hesitate to ask but how far back does Jingle Bells, Batman Smells date? ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/115 "2013-04-03T05:15:57Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > Huh. I imagined it as “This Old Man.” Really? What would you have added in place of “Knick knack paddy-whack”? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/116 "2013-04-03T07:12:04Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > I hesitate to ask but how far back does Jingle Bells, Batman Smells date? Probably no earlier than 1939. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/117 "2013-04-03T20:53:24Z")
Three Irishmen, three Irishmen, diggin’ in a ditch, One called the other a dirty son of a Peter Murphy had a dog, a dirty dog was he, He gave it to his girlfriend t’ keep her company. She fed it, she trained it, she taught it how t’ jump, It jumped right up her petticoat an’ bit her on the Country boys, country boys, sitting on a rock, Along came a bumblebee an’ stung ‘em on the Cocktails, ginger ale, five cents a glass, If you don’t like it, stick it up yer Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies, If you get hit with a bucket o’ shit, Be sure an’ close yer eyes. ---
**Author:** ![chief2442](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@chief2442](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief2442)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/118 "2014-01-01T05:14:21Z")
i heard these a long time ago off a gene tracy album there once was a girl named alice she used a dynamite stick for a fawlous they found her vagina in south carolina and bit of ass about dallas here lies the bone of screwy dick born into life with a corkscrew prick spend his life in a futile hunt in search of the girl with a corkscrew cunt dick finally found her and then fell dead son of bitch she had a left hand thread ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/119 "2014-01-01T06:59:27Z")
_There was a gal named Mary Brown; swore no man could lay her down! Then over the hill came Pissball Pete with forty pounds of swingin’ meat! Laid Mary down like a sheet of glass; then he crammed his balls right up her ass! Then Mary Brown, she let a fart; blew poor Pete’s balls ten feet apart! Then over the hill went Pissball Pete with forty pounds of shredded wheat!_ ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2014, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/120 "2014-01-01T07:05:55Z")
Birdie Birdie in the snow… His wing was broke, he could not go. I lured him to me with a piece of bread… Then I smashed his fucking head. nice [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=7)