# Best Dirty Jokes/Rhymes/Songs from Childhood **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902 "2006-02-17T02:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/141 "2014-08-20T02:01:54Z")
> [@Ronald\_C.Semone](#): > > We sang these in grade school circa 1950 > > To the tune of\*\* On Top Of Old Smokey\*\* > … Another parody: On top of Old Smokey, All covered in blood, I shot my poor teacher, With a 44 Stud. Ten days later, She still wasn’t dead, So I took a bazooka, And blew off her head. I went to her funeral, I went to her grave, Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade. ---
**Author:** ![Tremblay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e56c9b/32.png) [@Tremblay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tremblay)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/142 "2014-08-20T02:38:50Z")
Birdy birdy in the sky Why’d you do that to my eye Looks like vanilla, tastes like spit Oh my gosh it’s birdy shit ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/143 "2014-08-20T02:50:26Z")
Skipped through the kitchen, skipped so fast I skipped my finger up my grandma’s ass Grandma said "You ain’t got no soul! “Get your finger out of my asshole!” On top of Old Smokey, all covered with blood, I shot my poor teacher with a .44 stud. I went to her funeral, I went to her grave. Instead of throwing flowers, I threw a grenade. I opened her coffin, and she wasn’t quite dead. So I took a bazooka, and blew off her head. There once was a guy named Dave Who found a dead whore in a cave. She had one tit, And looked like shit. But think of the money he’d save! I wasn’t racist, but damn if my hoodlum friends weren’t: I was walking through the jungle with my dick in my hand I’m a bad motherfucker and a hell of a man. I look up in a tree, and what do I see? A goddamn nigger trying to piss on me! I pick up a rock, hit him in his cock, That damn nigger did a belly flop! I remember this little ditty, which I thought was stupid even when I was 5: “Fight! Fight! A nigger and a white! The white don’t win, we ALL jump in!” ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/144 "2014-08-20T05:49:58Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > And one more for good luck: > > Come listen to a story ‘bout a man named Jed > Had a lot of hair, but it wasn’t on his head > Then one day he was shootin’ at some food > When up from the ground came a redhead, nude > > Bare ass…buck naked > > Well, the next thing you know, ol’ Jed’s in bed > Screwing the shit out of ol’ redhead > Here come’s Granny with a hickory stick > Gonna beat the shit out of ol’ Jed’s dick. Next thing you know ol’ Jed’s in the truck Balls hangin’ out, ready for a fuck Ten days later he was feelin’ kinda sick A clear-cut case of a paralysed dick. Stiff balls…that is… I think there were several local variations… ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/145 "2014-08-20T06:23:20Z")
Well it’s really, really bad but in electronics there are colored stripes on resistors and each stripe represents a number. Here they are: Black - 1 Brown -2 Red - 3 Orange - 4 Yellow - 5 Gold - 6 Blue - 7 Violet - 8 Gray - 9 White - 0 The way we memorized it: Black Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly. Yes, it’s bad but I promise you everyone who studies resistors eventually learns it. I learned it in high school. Later when I did electronics in college the teacher refused to tell this. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/146 "2014-08-20T13:42:43Z")
My inner redneck child speaks: [Go up to somebody and shake hands, but don’t release] You: Howdy, I’m from Mars. Where you from? Them: [answer] You: Where do you go to take a shit? Them: the bathroom You: What do you use to wipe your ass with? Them: toilet paper You: I use my hand. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/147 "2014-08-20T22:42:41Z")
> [@Nature\_s\_Call](#): > > We were too young to have experienced WWII. Nonetheless we got a kick outta this ditty: > > (to the tune of “Bridge on the River Kwai”) > _Hitler - has only got one ball > Donald - has two but they’re too small > Dougie - has something simlar > But poor old Steven has no balls at all_ The way I heard it is: Hitler has just one ball Goring’s are rather small Himmler’s are somewhat similar And Goebbels has no balls at all. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/148 "2014-08-20T22:48:44Z")
Darn, I was beaten to the punch. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2014, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/149 "2014-08-20T23:05:30Z")
Multiple zombie thread! I wonder if the OP was banned for posting dirty stuff. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/150 "2014-08-21T13:11:53Z")
> [@Eastlight](#): > > BrotherCadfael wrote first verse > > To the ending tune of Tarantella > > Squeeze it, tease it, > Bang it on the floor. > Wrap it 'round the bedpost, > Slam it in the door! > > I knew a friend that knew a friend > that said that intercourse was grand; > If you do not mind I think I’ll take my sex by hand. I’m not sure how “Tarantella” goes, but the tune I associate with this ditty is \*Funiculi, Funicula[/part First part goes: Last night – I stayed at home and masturbated. It felt so good; I knew it would. Last night – I stayed at home and masturbated. It felt so nice, I did it twice! You – should have seen me on the short stroke! It felt so grand, I used my hand. You – should have seen me on the long stroke! It felt so neat, I used my feet. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/151 "2014-08-21T15:30:15Z")
?? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902/152 "2014-08-21T16:20:25Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > _There was a gal named Mary Brown; > swore no man could lay her down! > Then over the hill came Pissball Pete > with forty pounds of swingin’ meat! > Laid Mary down like a sheet of glass; > then he crammed his balls right up her ass! > Then Mary Brown, she let a fart; > blew poor Pete’s balls ten feet apart! > Then over the hill went Pissball Pete > with forty pounds of shredded wheat!_ I recall this one (with some variations, like her name was _Sheila_ Brown. And Piss_Pot_ Pete, which makes more sense) from Boy Scout camp. Boy scouts made me what I am today. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dirty-jokes-rhymes-songs-from-childhood/344902.md?page=7)