# Best Doper Quote You Wish You Had Said **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126 "2005-02-27T05:07:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/21 "2005-02-27T22:39:05Z")
[Post 30 of this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=287947) . I still think that’s brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/22 "2005-02-28T01:04:48Z")
There’s always **Cervaise** ’s “I have [a butthole] too, but that doesn’t mean I want a running jigsaw inserted into it.” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/23 "2005-02-28T02:11:54Z")
“As for ELO, they should have turned down the FRUITY CRAPLOAD knob on their synthesizer once in a while.” Damn that was funny! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/24 "2005-02-28T02:16:32Z")
> [@](#): > > Never believe in Gods. It only encourages Them. That sounds very Terry Pratchett-like. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/25 "2005-02-28T02:26:11Z")
[Mr. Cletus Mugwump of Opalocka, Florida says: ‘After a hard day of grubbin’ stumps, mah ass itched like a bastard. Thass why ah use Gold Bond Powder"](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5143066&postcount=52) That comes in handy for laughs in real life every once in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/26 "2005-02-28T03:28:46Z")
Heh. There was a time when I was keeping good quotes in a txt file, but it failed to follow me through a few formats and a new PC. One that I really wish I could find, but I think can get pretty much right, was from **DoctorJ** I believe, in some thread about a relationship, that went something like this: “A failed relationship based on mutual love of The Flock is a tale as old as time my friend.” ---
**Author:** ![jweb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@jweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jweb)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/27 "2005-02-28T03:44:13Z")
From the “anyone else drown their sorrows” Valentine’s Day [thread:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=302504&highlight=Drown+Sorrows+night) > [@pinkfreud](#): > > I stopped trying to drown my sorrows years ago when I learned that all sorrows can float, several can tread water, some can swim, and a few can perform CPR on their fellow sorrows. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/28 "2005-02-28T04:14:27Z")
Somebody was being a jerk one day, and a poster called him on it. The jerk said, “What are you, the goddamned hall monitor?” To which **manhattan** replied, “No, _I_ am the goddamned hall monitor!” and closed the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Cloud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@Little\_Cloud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Cloud)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/29 "2005-02-28T04:43:32Z")
About two years ago, someone was pitting his unfortunate situation at work/school/whatever. In the course of describing what bad spot he was in, he said this: > [@](#): > > Like Reese Witherspoon at a rapists’ convention: I’m fucked. IIRC, he took a fair amount of crap for that particular simile. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/30 "2005-02-28T05:01:54Z")
**SolGrundy** shares his opinion of vaginas with us in a [pit thread on heterosexual guilt:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5882584&postcount=63) > [@Solgrundy](#): > > Whew. 'Cause I really really don’t like 'em. I came out of one screaming and crying and never looked back. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/31 "2005-02-28T05:13:15Z")
I forget who uses it as a sig line, but I’ve used it at work on occasion to good effect. “English doesn’t borrow from other languages. It follows other languages into dark alleys, knocks them down, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar.” ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/32 "2005-02-28T06:04:05Z")
This [gem](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5882065&postcount=32) from Miller on medieval nicknames is awe-inspiring. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/33 "2005-02-28T13:19:03Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Somebody was being a jerk one day, and a poster called him on it. The jerk said, “What are you, the goddamned hall monitor?” > > To which **manhattan** replied, “No, _I_ am the goddamned hall monitor!” > > and closed the thread. Actually the quote was “Who are you, the fucking hall monitor?” **manhattan** replied “As it so happens, _I’m_ the fucking hall monitor.” He didn’t close the thread, and the OP typed his name as “banhattan,” then insisted that was an accident. I love Pit monitor Czarcasm’s “Why do other monitors get the masturbatory monkeys, and I get the poo flinging variety?” ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/34 "2005-03-01T01:09:37Z")
I know I’m not remembering this accurately and I’m too lazy to search, but it was a classic, “My hate burns with the fire of a thousand suns”. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/35 "2005-03-01T02:57:50Z")
> [@Sublight](#): > > I forget who uses it as a sig line, but I’ve used it at work on occasion to good effect. > > “English doesn’t borrow from other languages. It follows other languages into dark alleys, knocks them down, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar.” That would be _petite moi_. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/36 "2005-03-01T04:28:09Z")
I think it was **Jack Batty** , and he said something like, “Hell, I could probably find a verse in Nostradamus that predicts my jock itch, if I looked hard enough.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/37 "2005-03-01T04:33:33Z")
Shit, I just thought of another one- **matt\_mcl** was telling us about the time he and a friend were chatting on the metro and some woman came up to them, and said, “I wonder if you’re aware that freedom from homosexuality is available through the power of Jesus Christ.” And **matt\_mcl** looks at her and says, “Ma’am, are you aware that freedom from Jesus Christ is available through the power of homosexuality?” I almost busted a kidney laughing at that one! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/38 "2005-03-01T16:40:09Z")
The Blimps…the Blimps… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/39 "2005-03-01T18:30:15Z")
> [@medstar](#): > > I know I’m not remembering this accurately and I’m too lazy to search, but it was a classic, “My hate burns with the fire of a thousand suns”. Or something like that. I don’t think that’s _exactly_ it, but **lno** used something akin to that. - Shibb, whose hate typically burns with the fury of 1000 christmas lights. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/40 "2005-03-01T19:11:55Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > > [@medstar](#): > > > > I know I’m not remembering this accurately and I’m too lazy to search, but it was a classic, “My hate burns with the fire of a thousand suns”. Or something like that. > > I don’t think that’s _exactly_ it, but **lno** used something akin to that. > > - Shibb, whose hate typically burns with the fury of 1000 christmas lights. My rage burned with the fire of a thousand suns, and also with the fierceness of overcooked pasta, but that was about it. I raged myself out a couple years ago, and now I’m just simmering on a back burner. Give me a couple more years and I’ll get back to that point. Raargh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126.md?page=3)