# Best Doper Quote You Wish You Had Said **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126 "2005-02-27T05:07:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![InvidiousCourgette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@InvidiousCourgette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InvidiousCourgette)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/41 "2005-03-01T21:21:13Z")
**Liberal** once described someone as a “feckless hack”. I wished I had invoked such lovely invective. **lno** your post was indeed a classic, for its title alone, let alone the content. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/42 "2005-03-01T21:48:57Z")
It was 2 years ago, and I still remember this [virtual pantsing](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2942651#post2942651) from **Enderw24** : > [@](#): > > Please remember that your computer monitor, when turned off, doubles as a low-grade mirror. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/43 "2005-03-01T22:38:16Z")
From **Ranger Doug,** who was later **YerRanger** (and I may not have it exactly right: ) “Some men learn by observation. Some men learn by reading. Some men have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” ---
**Author:** ![c\_carol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@c\_carol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_carol)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/44 "2005-03-01T22:59:56Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > “English doesn’t borrow from other languages. It follows other languages into dark alleys, knocks them down, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar.” > > That would be _petite moi_. Just to clarify, that line’s not a Straight Dope original. The original version was posted by a James Nicoll on a science-fiction newsgroup. [Cite](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/James_Nicoll) ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/45 "2005-03-01T23:12:59Z")
> [@ggurl](#): > > “Penis ensued.” 😛 _shakes head vehemently_ :o I’m _still_ getting e-mails daily about that one. One day, I could write one of the wittiest and at the same time, most profound bit of philosphy ever written or spoken aloud… it could cause peace in the Middle East, everything that was ever lost to be found, Hell to freeze over, angels to sing, the dead to come to life, God to come down to Earth to prove His existence and carry each of us Home… and someone will invariably pop into my thread, and ask: “Yes, but did penis ensue?” :smack: But it _does_ still make me giggle. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/46 "2005-03-01T23:19:06Z")
> [@InvidiousCourgette](#): > > **Liberal** once described someone as a “feckless hack”. I wished I had invoked such lovely invective. That would be me!🙂 I gotta admit, that’s probably the best insult I’ve ever had hurled at me. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/47 "2005-03-02T00:22:10Z")
Can’t really recall, but I think this was when some newbie was so happy to have just joined the SDMB, and he kept asking, “What do I get?” or “Give me stuff!” And \*\*NoClueBoy \*\* replied “Bend over” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/48 "2005-03-02T01:00:03Z")
From **gobear** — “Picking on _\_ for his deficiencies as a debater is like picking on a chihuahua for not being a sled dog: He may have the will, but he just can’t do it.” ---
**Author:** ![WhiteyFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@WhiteyFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhiteyFoo)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/49 "2005-03-02T16:03:20Z")
I am known to throw out an occational “Masturbating like a Mother F\*(k” in real life. I get looks of baffelment. But one day I’ll get that look of understanding, and it will all be worth it. I just wish that I could be the originator of that precious gem. Of course, I can’t remember who the thread was from, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/50 "2005-03-02T17:16:30Z")
Anything that involves creative swearing. Can’t think of anything specific off the top of my head though. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/51 "2005-03-02T17:27:04Z")
“One look at her and you can tell her attic is either empty or filled with frightening toys.” – Mr. Blue Sky “The mark of a truly great mind isn’t whether you’re right or wrong. It’s how well you can weasel out of a jam.” – Cecil Adams, author of The Straight Dope “If wishing for a return to “each holiday in its own good time” makes me a Grinch, well then pass the Who Hash. Harrumph” – Scarlett67 “You’re probably going to spend ten, twenty, or more years of your life working for a company that’d kill you and sell your organs if it got the CEO a third gold-plated bathtub for himself and his hookers.” – GMRyujin 29April04 “You can be talented, well-trained, highly experienced, and a loyal employee and they’ll still ship your job overseas if it’ll let the CEO get more hookers on bath night. And they’ll probably make you train the guy taking your job.” – GMRyujin 29April04 ---
**Author:** ![Wartime\_Consigliori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@Wartime\_Consigliori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wartime_Consigliori)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/52 "2005-03-02T18:05:13Z")
In a discussion about Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam’s denial of entry into the United States last year, **Little Nemo** dropped this little ditty: > [@](#): > > So Yusuf Islam can’t travel by plane because he advocates his religious beliefs, he’s spoken out in favor of the death penalty, and he’s had some financial dealings with questionable groups in the Middle East. > > I wonder if George Bush is on the same list? I found that friggin’ hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/53 "2005-03-02T18:08:04Z")
I can’t remember who said it about hip huggers and belly shirts, but it was something along the lines of: “When I wear that I look like the love child of Brittney Spears and the Michelin tire man.” ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/54 "2005-03-02T18:29:45Z")
> [@c\_carol](#): > > Just to clarify, that line’s not a Straight Dope original. The original version was posted by a James Nicoll on a science-fiction newsgroup. [Cite](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/James_Nicoll) It’s a good one, no doubt. It’s been stolen by no less a person than Dave Barry. I couldn’t find a link to the column where he used it, but I did get an appreciation for just how widespread this pithy mini-meme has spread. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/55 "2005-03-09T17:35:02Z")
I don’t know who said it first, but **1. Item one 2. Hi Opal! 3. Item two** has long been a favorite back to my lurking days. It’s the kind of cool thing that just doesn’t happen in the Straight Dope books, my first introduction to this phenom in ancient times before I was online (1982). I like this one, too - by **InvidiousCourgette** : \*I am unhappy with the proposed 30 day ban. It was a conscious circumvention of SDMB privacy policy. It would be unacceptable from any normal paying member. It is completely unacceptable of a board administrator. A 30 day removal of admin. privileges is a recognition that something bad happened. It is nothing more. It seems to me that the decision says this: this is the minimum punishment the SDMB can pass without being seen to ignore its privacy policy.\* **Roger Thornhill** : \*Right, that’s enough. I invoke Gaudere’s Law and claim my right to have you locked up and the key thrown away. Kindly continue your sewerine discussion in LJ. And be sure to send me the link\* **slortar** on the thoughts of child play house themes: _Pirate ship theme._ ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/56 "2005-03-09T18:52:16Z")
Someone said ( **Ilsa\_Lund**?), you can outrun the Crown Vic, but you can’t outrun the Motorola Always lied that one for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/57 "2005-03-09T19:26:29Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Someone said ( **Ilsa\_Lund**?), you can outrun the Crown Vic, but you can’t outrun the Motorola That’s a modernization of an old Kenny Price song: _You may outrun my old Chevrolet But you can’t outrun my ol’ two-way_ – from _Sheriff of Boone County_ One of my favorites that I’ve appropriated into real life, although I can’t remember who said it first, is “That doesn’t even make stupid sense.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/58 "2005-03-09T19:37:23Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > “As for ELO, they should have turned down the FRUITY CRAPLOAD knob on their synthesizer once in a while.” > > Damn that was funny! 😃 Well, it wasn’t THAT funny. 😃 I’ve always been partial to “I burning your dog”. I doubt that phrase has ever been said in the history of mankind prior to that post. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/59 "2005-03-09T19:45:25Z")
> [@garius](#): > > Anything that involves creative swearing. If I have any hope in hell of being mentioned in this thread, it’ll be in this category. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126/60 "2005-03-09T19:48:58Z")
I really loved pokey’s “standard issue crotch” remark in the vagina thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-doper-quote-you-wish-you-had-said/292126.md?page=4)