# Best dumb criminal stories **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407 "2009-02-18T16:18:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![slime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@slime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slime)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/81 "2009-02-21T15:48:55Z")
When I was bartending an underaged man came in drunk and wanted us to serve him. We asked for an I.D. When he said he didn’t have one so we asked him to leave. He refused and became beligerent. So we called the cops on him and they hauled him off. A couple of hours later I was sitting in a different bar when who should walk in but the same young idiot. The bartender carded him. He said he didn’t have his I.D but he did have this. He then handed the bartender the ticket he recieved two hours earlier for underage drinking. They proceeded to call the police again and had him hauled off-again! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/82 "2009-02-21T23:41:40Z")
> [@Cyberhwk](#): > > [Criminal knocks out his own accomplice, then himself.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcE106AMOWA&feature=related) Reminds me of [this](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,484944,00.html) recent one. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/83 "2009-02-21T23:58:14Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Reminds me of [this](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,484944,00.html) recent one. Pssst . . . see post #56. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/84 "2009-02-22T00:36:25Z")
Sorry. I don’t have sound on my computer, so I figured there was no point in watching a video. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/85 "2009-02-22T02:27:55Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > You’re gonna feel silly in a second. > > 😃 OK, OK - whatever. I can laugh at myself. 😃 I don’t remember if he had the right number of zeroes on the check, but he had written out “three hundred sixty billion dollars” below it. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/86 "2009-02-22T02:46:57Z")
I have a friend who works for PG&E (power utility). He has more than one story where someone tried to steal the ground wires in a substation. Was getting the wire until they dropped one end across the high side line of the substation. No body just melted copper and sometimes shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/87 "2009-02-22T08:56:52Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > Howsabout the [worst liquor store robbery attempt ever](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azAbEjDzexs)? (Warning: has stupid music in it for some reason.) Good lord, that’s hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/88 "2009-02-22T10:26:14Z")
I heard this on the radio, so I can’t verify it, but this reportedly happened in New York City about five years ago: A youngish guy robbed a 7-Eleven at gunpoint, making off with money and goods. Right before giving him the money, the cashier convinced him that, according to state law, he had to be 21 or older to rob a convenience store, and he’d have to show some ID to prove it. The dumbass showed his driver’s license. After he made off with the dough, the cashier called the police and was able to tell them his name and address, which she remembered from the card. > [@Random Martha's Vineyard Comic](#): > > There’s very little crime here. The last bank robbery here was in 1974. A guy walks into a bank and says “Gimme twenty dollars.” So the teller gives him the money and he goes to buy lunch with it. The police arrive and asked the teller what happened. “I’m sorry”, she says, “I’m just the summer help. You’ll have to ask the next teller.” So the cop asks the next teller. “Lenny from Gay Head came in and took twenty dollars. He’s across the street having an egg salad sandwich.” On the plus side, Lenny probably ate the greatest sandwhich of his life, considering it cost $20 of 1974 money! 😉 > [@ArrMatey!](#): > > (It was after this story that I translated some latin for a patch for my buddy: “Saving every life, no matter how worthless.” Apparently it became a bit of a hit amongst his new co-workers.) Asthmatic crack addicts are worthless? That sounds pretty heartless to me. Hostile Dialect, Hostile Dialect, Narcissist ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/89 "2009-02-22T23:54:00Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Was sent to a call where a female was complaining that her brothers refused to honor their part of the deal. She let them have sex with her but they refused to pay her with the crack they owed her. That’s just depressing. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/90 "2009-02-23T00:41:47Z")
> [@Hostile\_Dialect](#): > > Asthmatic crack addicts are worthless? That sounds pretty heartless to me. Sounds to me like one of those “self correcting problems.” ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/91 "2009-02-23T03:19:35Z")
[http://dumbassdaily.com/2008/04/mom-takes-infant-along-with-her-to-rob.html](http://dumbassdaily.com/2008/04/mom-takes-infant-along-with-her-to-rob.html) Christine Ruther, 19, of Green Township (we’re assuming Ohio because the story is from the Cincinnati Enquirer) who was arrested along with three other people for the robbery of a local candy store. But that’s not her only crime: apparently Ms. Ruther took her 7-week-old daughter with her on the crime spree and, according to cops, used the baby’s stroller to haul away some of her loot. And when we say loot in this case we are actually referring to stolen candy, not cash. The thieves were ultimately caught when–I’m not making this up!–cops followed a trail of candy and empty wrappers. This one has a photo of her. > **[Mom and baby rob candy store | Boing Boing](https://boingboing.net/2008/04/11/mom-and-baby-rob-can.html)** > > Christine Ruther, 19, brought her baby along with two three accomplices to rob a candy store in downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. From Local12.com: Police say Ruther took her baby out of a stroller so the… She looks like she would burglarize a candy store. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/92 "2009-02-23T03:30:09Z")
I’ve seen headshots of corpses that looked more alert and intelligent than candy girl. ---
**Author:** ![Booker57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Booker57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Booker57)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/93 "2009-02-23T05:20:28Z")
Upstate NY. Drunk drives up to a well lit building, honks horn, man comes out of building to ask what drunk wants, “a pizza” was the answer. Man asks drunk to come inside and pay for it. Drunk goes inside, NYS Troopers Barricks, Troop E. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/94 "2009-02-23T05:40:28Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Pssst . . . see post #56. Video has been removed.. I used to have a couple books with all sorts of these things. No clue what happened to them.. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/95 "2009-02-23T05:45:32Z")
> [@neutron\_star](#): > > That’s just depressing. That was not the first or the 100th time we went there. The one who called in that particular case is kind of a trailblazer in his chosen career. He was stealing metal for scrap long before it became popular and profitable. One time a call came over the radio about someone trying to drag a 12 foot aluminum ladder down the road while on a bicycle. Everyone knew instantly who it was. ---
**Author:** ![Aestivalis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Aestivalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aestivalis)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/96 "2009-02-23T23:04:28Z")
[This](http://www.deseretnews.com/article/0,5143,705285672,00.html)one is great. His saggy pants made him vulnerable to a wedgie and headlock. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407/97 "2009-02-24T02:50:45Z")
Years ago I worked at a gas station, and one day traded the till for the pumps to find that my co-workers had deemed it unnecessary to inform me of 4 police cars at the cheque cashing place just next door. Apparently some bacheloriate had decided to try to rob the place mid-day with a knife, despite it being one of the few places I’ve seen with counter-to-ceiling bullet-proof glass and those little rotating trays. :smack: He reportedly waited in the chairs by the door after being rebuffed for the cops to show up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-dumb-criminal-stories/486407.md?page=4)