# Best "edited for TV lines"
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [November 26, 2016, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036 "2016-11-26T13:36:17Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/1 "2016-11-26T13:36:17Z")
The “Is _Die Hard_ a Christmas movie” thread brought this topic to mind. The \*Die Hard \*TV edit famously has the line “yippee ki-yay Mister Falcon” (and there must be two edits, because I also seem to remember “yippee ki-yay my friend.”)
Anyone got any favorite bowdlerizations?
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### Author:  [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/2 "2016-11-26T13:42:43Z")
_The Big Lebowski_ is famous for being bowdlerised for TV, with Walter Sobchak declaring “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!” as he smashes up an expensive car he mistakenly believes belongs to someone he’s trying to intimidate.
The unbowdlerised line was “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”, incidentally.
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### Author:  [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/3 "2016-11-26T13:48:12Z")
For years I thought Peter Venkman told the mayor of New York that the EPA guy was “some kind of rodent, I don’t know which.”
The real line is: “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”
I still think the edited line is funnier.
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### Author:  [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/4 "2016-11-26T13:49:35Z")
“I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!” - This is arguably better than the original line.
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### Author:  [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/5 "2016-11-26T13:51:22Z")
When Blazing Saddles first came to TV, the cacophony of farts in the bean eating scene was dubbed with frantic horses whinnying.
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/6 "2016-11-26T13:52:50Z")
I believe it was Die Hard where I heard “Melon farmer” replacing “motherfucker”. There was also how the TV ruined the best joke in Speed when Alan Ruck is relaying Keanu Reeve’s answers to, um, headquarters. Keanu looks under the bus, sees the bomb and says “Fuck me!” and Alan relays it as “Oh darn!” In the TV version Keanu says “Oh no!”
And nope, I do not remember the characters names.
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### Author:  [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/7 "2016-11-26T14:45:57Z")
My favorite because it was so bad was from Police Academy.
The original line is “Nobody fucks with me!” In the TV version you get “Nobody…long pause…[completely different voice with a different volume] PLAYS…long pause…with me”. We thought it was so hilarious it became an inside joke with me and my friends when I was a kid.
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### Author:  [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/8 "2016-11-26T14:51:51Z")
> [@Biggirl](#):
>
> I believe it was Die Hard where I heard “Melon farmer” replacing “motherfucker”.
I think “melon farmer” is from the TV cut of “Repo Man”.
[melon farmer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkSgsArrh_k)
One I remember is from “Trading Places”. The line “Say man, when I was growing up, if we wanted a jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub” became “we had to _fight_ in the tub”. Still made sense, I suppose.
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### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/9 "2016-11-26T15:20:06Z")
When _ **The Sopranos** _ went from HBO to A&E (I think), every “Cocksucker!” became “Bloodsucker!” and every “Fuck you!” became “Forget you!”
The first time they aired _ **Blazing Saddles** _ on TV, Lili von Shtupp became “Lili von Shhhhhhhhh…” I’m sure just about every other line was cut as well, but that’s the one I remember best. Oddly enough, Mel Brooks himself was reported to have cut a line that even he thought was too gross: When Lili asked Bart in the dark “Is it twue what they say about you people? \*\* [ZIP!]\*\* Oh, it’s twue! It’s **twue**!” Bart replied “I hate to tell you this, baby, but that’s my elbow you’re suckin’ on!”
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### Author:  [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/10 "2016-11-26T15:33:13Z")
How about Mick Jagger singing “let’s spend some \*\*\*time \*\*\*together” when the Stones appeared on the Ed Sullivan show?
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### Author:  [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/11 "2016-11-26T16:12:52Z")
> [@jaycat](#):
>
> How about Mick Jagger singing “let’s spend some \*\*\*time \*\*\*together” when the Stones appeared on the Ed Sullivan show?
Accompanied by the biggest roll-eyes the world has ever seen.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/12 "2016-11-26T16:34:43Z")
When they first broadcast **The Godfather** on network TV they had to change Sonny’s (James Caan’s) line
“I don’t want him coming out of the bathroom with his dick in his hand”
(referring to Michael Corleone’s getting the stashed gun and shooting Sollozo and Captain McCluskey in the restaurant. In one of the most subtle bowdlerizationbs I know of, they changed the line to:
“I don’t want him coming out of the bathroom with _a stick_ in his hand.”
It sounds almost the same. And it actually makes sense, unlike so many other cleaning jobs.
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/13 "2016-11-26T16:36:21Z")
> [@hogarth](#):
>
> I think “melon farmer” is from the TV cut of “Repo Man”.
> [melon farmer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkSgsArrh_k)
This movie also features more _Flip You_’s than a Cirque du Soleil matinee.
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### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/14 "2016-11-26T16:37:51Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#):
>
> Accompanied by the biggest roll-eyes the world has ever seen.
LOL. And Mick later tried to deny he actually sang it that way. He told Rolling Stone something like “I never said ‘time,’ I just mumbled. I said mmmm. Let’s Spend Some Mmmm Together.” Sorry, Mick, we’ve seen the reruns!
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### Author:  [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/15 "2016-11-26T16:43:34Z")
Not a line, but a moment: When _ **Revenge of the Nerds** _ was shown on TV, they cut the part where the kid watching the live feed from Pi Alpha Pi came in in his pants. :smack:
When they showed _ **Animal House** _ on TV, the part where the padding fell out of Katie’s bra was also cut. ☹
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/16 "2016-11-26T16:45:22Z")
I don’t think I ever knew what movie this was, it was just something I stopped on briefly while channel surfing, but one man told another to stop thinking with his _ **duck** _.
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### Author:  [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/17 "2016-11-26T17:52:18Z")
In _My Cousin Vinny_, Vinny’s girlfriend refuses to answer a question during the trial because “It’s a bogus question!” It kept the meaning of the sentence nicely.
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### Author:  [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/18 "2016-11-26T19:18:07Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#):
>
> The “Is _Die Hard_ a Christmas movie” thread brought this topic to mind. The \*Die Hard \*TV edit famously has the line “yippee ki-yay Mister Falcon” (and there must be two edits, because I also seem to remember “yippee ki-yay my friend.”)
I think I’ve seen it edited as “yippee ki-yay yippee ki-yay”, even though that didn’t match his lips very well.
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### Author:  [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/19 "2016-11-26T20:17:33Z")
I watched Sideways on a plane and “asshole” was “Ashcroft”.
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### Author:  [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)
#### Post date: [November 26, 2016, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-edited-for-tv-lines/773036/20 "2016-11-26T21:17:50Z")
In\* Major League\*, Roger Dorn tells Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn, “strike this motherfucker out.” In some edits I’ve seen on TV, it becomes “strike this…guy…out.” Note the long pauses. To top it off, whoever said the word guy had a much lower voice than Dorn.
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