# Best epitaphs..... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2006, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730 "2006-05-22T10:49:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gitfiddle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/898d66/32.png) [@gitfiddle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gitfiddle)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/1 "2006-05-22T10:49:04Z")
I’m wondering what some of the funniest or most absurd epitaphs every written are. I’m not looking for hypothetical or fictional, rather I’m talking about epitaphs that are/were really carved into people’s gravestones (at least, maybe, requested in their wills)… ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/2 "2006-05-22T10:57:53Z")
Spike Milligan’s reads _Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite_ - ‘I told you I was ill’. You can just about make it out [here](http://www.glenister.info/grave4.htm), 4th line from the bottom. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/3 "2006-05-22T10:58:56Z")
[Wrong picture](http://www.glenister.info/grave6.htm) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/4 "2006-05-22T12:27:18Z")
There have been several books on this kind of thing, and I know I’ve been to plenty of websites – search engines are your friends – but I suspect a lot of these are spurious, and shoukld be taken with a grain of salt. In particular, the favorite from the Old West: **Lester Moore Four Slugs from a 44 No Les No Moore** Has been debunked. Right here on this Board, if memory serves. (Among other things,. no contemporary 19th century doggerel would have sais “Four Slugs”.) I have a collection of old Ripley’s Believe it or Not cartoons on weird tombstones, and I’ve noticed that he often did more than one cartoon on the same tombstone. Sometimes highly detailed sketches. The trouble is, they looked completely different, which suggestes that he (or the artist doing it in his name) hadn’t seen the tomb, and was going by a report. Which doesn’t give me a great deal of faith in the account. Nevertheless, admitting that these may all be false, here are some of the ones I’ve liked (from memory): In Memory of Ellen Shann Aged 26 Fatally Burned by the Explosion of a Lamp Filled with Danforth’s Non-Explosive Fluid Here Beneath this Stone we Lie Back to Babk, My Wife and I And When the Angels’ Trump Shall Trill If She Gets Up, Then I’ll Lie Still Lee Lee (In Lee County, Miss., no less) John Yeast – Pardon Me For Not Rising I Told You I Was Sick (Name) P.S. – The Old Nuisance {Name) Fell to Earth (Birth date) Had the Dust Brushed Off Him (Date of Death) Here lies the Body of John Higgs A Famous Man for Killing Pigs For Killing Pigs was His Delight Morning, Afternoon, and Night. Molly Ivins reports a Texas legislator, Ben Atwill, who was told that "No one ever has “author of a tax bill” put on his tombstone, to which Atwell replied, “I will”. He did – his Texas-shaped tombstone reads “Lawyer - Legislator - Author of a Tax Bil” [http://www.texnews.com/1998/texas/atw0701.htmll](http://www.texnews.com/1998/texas/atw0701.htmll) My all-time favorite is the diagram showing his contribution to the science of mechanics. I don’t know if the story is true or apocryphal, but I’d like a tombstone like that. Maybe I can get my patent numbers inscribed, or something > [@](#): > > He proved the law of the equilibrium on an inclined plane, using an ingenious and intuitive diagram showing a rope containing evenly spaced beads draped over an inclined plane. See [1] for a diagram. The diagram is said to have been inscribed on his tombstone, leading the physicist Richard Feynman to remark to his students, “If you get an inscription like that on your tombstone, you are doing fine!” [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon\_Stevin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Stevin) … ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/5 "2006-05-22T12:51:43Z")
For John Laird McCaffrey, who obviously had trouble making friends. JOHN, FREE YOUR BODY AND SOUL UNFOLD YOUR POWERFUL WINGS CLIMB UP THE HIGHEST MOUNTAINS KICK YOUR FEET UP IN THE AIR YOU MAY NOW LIVE FOREVER OR RETURN TO THIS EARTH UNLESS YOU FEEL GOOD WHERE YOU ARE! MISSED BY YOUR FRIENDS If you don’t get it, it’s an acrostic poem. Check it out. Here’s a [picture](http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_gravestone.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/6 "2006-05-22T12:52:25Z")
There is a tombstone near my husbands grandparents that is one of the neatest I’ve ever seen. It’s an upside down u shape with a bell in the middle. It was a teenager who’s last name was bell. It has the phrase “every time a bell rings and angel gets its’ wings.” On the two legs are the first names of all the people he was an organ donor for, with the body part used. There has to be at least 60 people on there. For the parents to lose a teenage son and still be able to let him be an organ donor (by his choice or theirs) I would have to image is pretty difficult, however, looking at the long list of people he helped is really sobering. Who says all teenagers are useless? Who says one person can’t make a difference? Be an organ donor. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/7 "2006-05-22T14:14:38Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > There have been several books on this kind of thing, and I know I’ve been to plenty of websites – search engines are your friends – but I suspect a lot of these are spurious, and shoukld be taken with a grain of salt. In particular, the favorite from the Old West: > **Lester Moore > Four Slugs from a 44 > No Les > No Moore** > Has been debunked. Right here on this Board, if memory serves. (Among other things,. no contemporary 19th century doggerel would have sais “Four Slugs”.) It has been? [This](http://mavarin.com/images/lesmoore.jpg) is fake? I’ll be damned. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/8 "2006-05-22T14:25:56Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > There is a tombstone near my husbands grandparents that is one of the neatest I’ve ever seen. It’s an upside down u shape with a bell in the middle. It was a teenager who’s last name was bell. It has the phrase “every time a bell rings and angel gets its’ wings.” > > On the two legs are the first names of all the people he was an organ donor for, with the body part used. There has to be at least 60 people on there. > > For the parents to lose a teenage son and still be able to let him be an organ donor (by his choice or theirs) I would have to image is pretty difficult, however, looking at the long list of people he helped is really sobering. > > Who says all teenagers are useless? Who says one person can’t make a difference? > > Be an organ donor. The more you know! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/9 "2006-05-22T14:37:36Z")
> [@](#): > > It has been? This is fake? I’ll be damned. Great. Now I can’t find any references to the debunking on the 'net or on the SDMB (though I notuice we both posted about this epitaph about a year ago, and back in 2000). ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/10 "2006-05-22T14:42:30Z")
Here at least is a comment by someone else who’s heard the same things I have. (near bottom of the page) [http://www.armchairgeneral.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-29713.html](http://www.armchairgeneral.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-29713.html) ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/11 "2006-05-22T22:22:38Z")
OK, since we’ve went there, this is not real, but is nevertheless my favorite: Here lies the body of Jackson Browne Lost at sea Nev’r found. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/12 "2006-05-22T22:27:16Z")
P.S. I want mine to be: Here lies the body of LiveOnAPlane Augered In Just West of Maine ---
**Author:** ![Huerta88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/82dd89/32.png) [@Huerta88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Huerta88)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/13 "2006-05-22T22:34:54Z")
I remember reading that in the cemetery by Yale, two chemists who had been faculty members and “friendly” rivals were buried side by side. The one who died first’s family had every faculty position and honor he’d ever achieved inscribed from the days of his post-doc work. The adjacent guy, who died a little later, had his family take an implicit dig at the colleague’s protesting-too-much epitaph by engraving simply “Joe Dokes, Nobel Laureate, Etc.” Needless to say, the predeceasing colleague had never attained that honor. Kind of jerk-like, actually. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/14 "2006-05-22T23:11:02Z")
There is another [“I Told You I Was Sick”](http://keywest.com/attractions/cemetery.htm) epitaph in the Key West cemetery. That cemetery also sports a grave reading “Devoted Fan of Julio Iglesias” but sadly I cannot find a picture of that one online. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/15 "2006-05-23T00:04:50Z")
I’ve always been a fan of: Norton I Emperor of the United States And Protector of Mexico as seen [here](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/Emperor_norton_grave.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/16 "2006-05-23T17:38:37Z")
Here lies the body of Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, Marble Cutter. This headstone is erected as a monument to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments in the same style $500. Here Lies Ezekiel Aikle Aged 104 The Good Die Young (_Si non è vero, è bene trovato_ … ) ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2006, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/17 "2006-05-24T16:55:24Z")
[Ludwig Boltzmann](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_Boltzmann) His grave stone has his most famous equation (S=k logW) - scroll down in the Wikipedia page for a picture. ---
**Author:** ![Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Boulter\_s\_Canary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boulter_s_Canary)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/18 "2006-05-30T16:08:07Z")
Here lies I and my two daughters, Killed by drinking Cheltenham waters; If we had stuck to Epsom salts, We shouldn’t be lying in these here vaults. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2006, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/19 "2006-05-30T16:21:23Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > There have been several books on this kind of thing, and I know I’ve been to plenty of websites – search engines are your friends – but I suspect a lot of these are spurious, and shoukld be taken with a grain of salt. In particular, the favorite from the Old West: > **Lester Moore > Four Slugs from a 44 > No Les > No Moore** > Has been debunked. Right here on this Board, if memory serves. (Among other things,. no contemporary 19th century doggerel would have sais “Four Slugs”.) Sorry, but that one is for real. It’s in Boot Hill, Tombstone AZ. I’ve seen it. Here’s the entry on [FindAGrave](http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=19899&pt=Lester+Moore) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2006, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-epitaphs/357730/20 "2006-05-30T16:41:29Z")
There is indeed a tombstone there with that carved on it. The consensus is that it’s a much later forgery.