# Best euphanism for going to the bathroom **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 23, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646 "2003-04-23T18:04:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/1 "2003-04-23T18:04:35Z")
I was watching the rather insipid TV show “Jim” last night when guest star Dan Akroyd made mention of having to “Take the Browns to the Superbowl”. Purile it may be, but what’s the best euphanism for going #2 ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/2 "2003-04-23T18:07:11Z")
Dropping the kids off at the pool is one of my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/3 "2003-04-23T18:07:47Z")
I usually just say, “I have to defecate.” ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/4 "2003-04-23T18:08:45Z")
[Ozzy Osbourne] I’ve got to take a f\*\*\*ing piss…[/Ozzy Osbourne]. Well that might not be the best but it is the one that err sprung to mind right away… 😃 P.S. Euphemism ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/5 "2003-04-23T18:25:01Z")
A local reporter who was living in [what was left of] Yugoslavia during the American bombing of Serbia several years ago said that one of the common euphemisms was “I have to vote for Milosevic.” ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/6 "2003-04-23T18:33:15Z")
There’s 2 guys here at work that I can’t stand, so I usually tell someone I’m “going to take a (HP#1) and then wipe my (HP#2)” [sub]HP=Hated Employee[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/7 "2003-04-23T18:35:36Z")
Sprout a monkey tail. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/8 "2003-04-23T18:38:58Z")
SPROUT A MONKEY TAIL!!! Oh my gawd…that’s hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/9 "2003-04-23T18:44:47Z")
Got some unfinished business to take care of. Going to see a man about a horse. No, I have no idea what that second one means. ---
**Author:** ![AuntPam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@AuntPam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntPam)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/10 "2003-04-23T18:47:10Z")
English guy I knew once stood up and casually announced “Well, I’m off to shake hands with the unemployed.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_B.Goode](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/958977/32.png) [@Johnny\_B.Goode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_B.Goode)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/11 "2003-04-23T19:02:10Z")
Release the chocolate hostage. A short list here: [http://www.goofball.com/feces\_list](http://www.goofball.com/feces_list) ---
**Author:** ![NoGoodNamesLeft](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8797f3/32.png) [@NoGoodNamesLeft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoGoodNamesLeft)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/12 "2003-04-23T19:09:37Z")
Deliver warm muffins. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/13 "2003-04-23T19:10:11Z")
Babtising a babyruth fighting the bowl boa Encountering the chocolate monster Speaking your peace Giving an offering to the Porceline God… ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/14 "2003-04-23T19:13:05Z")
From the link above. Euphemism #89. People who like sausages shouldn’t see how they’re made!! Wtf? ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_The_Heavy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/15 "2003-04-23T19:15:13Z")
#1: Tap a kidney. #2: Drop a deuce. Vomiting: Talking to Ralph on the big white telephone. ---
**Author:** ![Skydive101](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f07891/32.png) [@Skydive101](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skydive101)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/16 "2003-04-23T19:22:56Z")
“Time to go bake some brownies.” “Time to give birth to a brown baby boy.” “I’m going to go make a picture of you.” love that last one…😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/17 "2003-04-23T19:40:48Z")
I’ve actually posted these here before, but i still like “I have a cigar on the tip of my lip.” from Jean Genet’s “Our Lady of the Flowers” I’m sure it sound even classier in the original French :D. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/18 "2003-04-23T19:44:54Z")
My brother’s favorite? Time to lop off a log. ick ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/19 "2003-04-23T19:45:35Z")
In a linguistics textbook I once had, there was a discussion of slang which used “Australian euphemisms for male urination” as examples. The two best (or at least the only two I still remember): “Point Percy at the porcelain” “Syphon the python” Sorry that I don’t know any good ones for #2. ---
**Author:** ![Photog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@Photog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Photog)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/20 "2003-04-23T19:55:38Z")
Well, since all of my favorites have been mentioned, I’ll share two that don’t really fit the OP (that is, the act of actually going), but more precisely refer to the urgency of one’s need to go: **Prairie Doggin’ TC (touching cotton)** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646.md?page=2)