# Best euphanism for going to the bathroom **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 23, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646 "2003-04-23T18:04:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/41 "2003-04-24T12:24:00Z")
I’m going into the Oval Office to work something out, and can’t leave till the paperwork is done. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/42 "2003-04-24T12:47:50Z")
In the words of Homer Simpson, I have to shake the dew off the lilly. ---
**Author:** ![bayonet1976](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bayonet1976](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bayonet1976)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/43 "2003-04-24T12:51:43Z")
“Voy a cagar” Unless I’m around spanish speakers, in which case I just slink away quietly. ---
**Author:** ![Jammers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jammers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jammers)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/44 "2003-04-24T13:10:12Z")
No. 1 Drain the main vein Bleed the dragon Crack china No. 2 Ride the porcelain Honda going for a dump You gotta love 'em all. There is no phrase choicer than one which lets other people know that you’re going to move your bowels. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/45 "2003-04-24T13:34:19Z")
Release a harbor trout. ---
**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/46 "2003-04-24T13:36:28Z")
Pass some beavers through the lock Build a bear ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/47 "2003-04-24T13:47:26Z")
There’s these two Dutch comedians who pretty much based an entire 15 minute skit on #2 euphemisms. It cracked me up so bad I nearly fell off the couch watching it. Now, bear in mind, we’re not as PC as the average North-American, but I assure you all examples below are harmless, and without ill will. \*\*I’m going to put Nelson Mandela on the train. I’m going to knit a brown sweater. I’m going to fax to Darmstadt. **(All right, that one needs an explanation. Darmstadt is a German city, but the word _darm_ in Dutch means “colon”, so “faxing to colon city”)** I’m going to rip open a bag of gardening soil.\*\* I guess you had to be there, and I guess understanding the intricacies of a very thick Rotterdam accent wouldn’t hurt either. But it was funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/48 "2003-04-24T13:52:50Z")
My grandfather used to say, and now I say “I have to go visit the Pope”. ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Frank\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_2)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/49 "2003-04-24T14:42:40Z")
The euphanisms I hear amongst my friends are: “Take the Browns to the Superbowl” “Drop the Cosby’s off at the pool” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/50 "2003-04-24T14:45:14Z")
We use “Frank #2” around here. Especially if it’s one you know is about to get messy. ---
**Author:** ![Pixelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ad7895/32.png) [@Pixelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixelle)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/51 "2003-04-24T14:48:58Z")
“drown a pommie”…(sorry brits) ---
**Author:** ![MSU\_1978](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac8455/32.png) [@MSU\_1978](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MSU_1978)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/52 "2003-04-24T15:13:14Z")
Gays only: Download compressed log files. Otherwise- lay a loaf If diarrhea- the Hershey Squirts ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/53 "2003-04-24T20:06:07Z")
A trip to the mens room - “I have to go consult with my attorney.” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Marko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@El\_Marko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Marko)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/54 "2003-04-24T20:27:08Z")
“taking a dump” to which a friend of mine would always respond, “why do they call it taking a dump when you a leaving it?” usually in a hilariously exagerated indian accent ala Apu of the Simpsons. Another friend would say this when he needed to take care of #1: “As Pericles said to the Athenians, ‘Where may I drain the lizard?’” I don’t know why but this always struck me as hilarious. I’ve also been known to say: Time to for a download/system dump. ---
**Author:** ![krisolov](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/krisolov/32/3724_2.png) [@krisolov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krisolov)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/55 "2003-04-24T20:50:11Z")
stock the lake with brown trout tap a kidney ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/56 "2003-04-24T23:19:02Z")
going to the bog ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/57 "2003-04-24T23:20:12Z")
nah that sucks “goin bog” much more better. ---
**Author:** ![djxiii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6f9a4e/32.png) [@djxiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djxiii)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/58 "2003-04-24T23:29:02Z")
In school there were a few of us who would say “I’m going to look for Elvis” the usual response when you came back was “Did you find him?” “Nah, but I might have seen _insert name of crappy popular singer of the day_” ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/59 "2003-04-24T23:33:35Z")
My wife tells our dog to “go do your business” when she lets him out into the back yard. So when he goes back and eats his shit, I guess that’s what’s known as “the Businessman’s Lunch.” ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646/60 "2003-04-25T02:30:35Z")
My mother called what was in my kids diapers when they woke up: “their morning constitution” I hope she didn’t use that when I was that young. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-euphanism-for-going-to-the-bathroom/170646.md?page=4)