# Best. Fortune. Cookie. Fortune. Ever. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102 "2003-05-09T14:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/1 "2003-05-09T14:16:13Z")
I will now reveal to you the **Best fortune cookie fortune ever** in a way that will recreate (as best as that can be done in cyberspace) the opening up of a fortune cookie. Reveal the text in the Spoiler Box below to learn of my awesome fortune: You have an ability to sense and know the truth. So now, obviously, I can answer all General Questions, settle all Great Debates, resolve any trivialities discussed in MPSIMS, dispense erudite and pithy advice in Café Society, rule conclusively on all the nitpickers who Comment on Cecil’s Columns, extinguish all flame wars in the BBQ Pit, and perform any other miscellaneous duties required of an omniscient being. And, of course, I expect the Mods to bestow upon me shortly the custom user title “Omniscient One.” Thank you. That is all. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Goodbeem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/958977/32.png) [@Goodbeem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goodbeem)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/2 "2003-05-09T14:32:37Z")
Ah, but will you use it for good or bad? 🙂 I always thought one of the best fortune cookie fortunes was: Help! I’m being held in a fortune cookie factory I’ll carry on now. ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/3 "2003-05-09T14:36:58Z")
Nah, the best are two I received on consecutive days at different restaurants. The first read: Someone can read your mind The one I got the next day said: It was nice talking to you :eek: ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/4 "2003-05-09T14:42:31Z")
Both I and my Dad got this one: You would make a good lawyer. Which is weird because: We’re both lawyers. We’d make good lawyers if _what?_ If we’d lay off the sauce? Quit sleeping with clients? ---
**Author:** ![Zenham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Zenham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/5 "2003-05-09T15:17:05Z")
Not much need for the spoiler boxes, and since mods dislike lots of them, I’ll break with tradition. My favorite gag fortune simply reads “That wasn’t chicken.” My all-time favorite fortune I’ve actually received in a cookie was so utterly zen, and probably so unintentionally so. It read: “If the shoe fits, it’s probably the right size.” Someone didn’t quite understand the cliche, but their unintentional misquote made this one a masterpiece. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/6 "2003-05-09T15:54:39Z")
Don’t any of you add the “In bed” to the end of fortunes? It’s tradition in my family. ---
**Author:** ![MrMyth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19b73/32.png) [@MrMyth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrMyth)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/7 "2003-05-09T15:56:30Z")
So no one adds the requisite “…in the bedroom.” to the end of their fortunes? That makes the OP’s fortune “You have an ability to sense and know the truth…in the bedroom.” While still a useful and impressive talent, its really only good for telling whether she(or he) faked that orgasm. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/8 "2003-05-09T15:59:50Z")
\ We’re out of ‘Happiness with a new love’ cookies. Oh hell, open a ‘stay with your wife’ barrell \ ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/9 "2003-05-09T16:01:18Z")
OK, that officially qualifies for the creepiest simulpost ever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/10 "2003-05-09T16:13:32Z")
I read about a guy who would replace the fortunes with his own and serve them at parties. The most popular was: You are going to die. ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/11 "2003-05-09T16:20:35Z")
The best one I ever saw was: You like Chinese food ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/12 "2003-05-09T16:35:48Z")
My best fortune cookie ever was one my wife received. I took her out on the day after her birthday (thanks to a car problem making me miss the only hour she had off work on her birthday), and I was ready to ask her to marry me at the end of the evening. We opened the fortune cookies. Mine was utterly forgettable (and I have done so), but hers was: “Accept the next proposal you hear.” She did. I could not have set that up better if I had tried. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/13 "2003-05-09T16:52:44Z")
My son, age 14, got “The first and best love is self-love.” The half-dozen college-aged women in the party thought this was just about the funniest thing they had ever heard… ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/14 "2003-05-09T17:32:36Z")
“You are one of the people who will go places.” Since I got that _after_ I moved across country, I’m hoping it’s something on a metaphorical level. Or it could just mean I like going on vacation 😉 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/15 "2003-05-09T17:49:06Z")
**NETexan** , did that really happen??? WOW!!! I have one at my desk that I kept because I thought it was odd: A tall stranger will soon enter our life. _OUR_ life? Who’s with me? ---
**Author:** ![Misery\_s\_Company](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@Misery\_s\_Company](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_s_Company)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/16 "2003-05-09T18:00:46Z")
Completely tacky… but instead of “in bed”, we always add “in my mouth.” ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/17 "2003-05-09T18:54:04Z")
Hehe, my friend got that “you are one of those people who goes places” fortune as well. Once a couple of years ago, I went to a Chinese restaurant and the guy I was with got a fortune that said: “Your emotional nature is strong and emotional.” Want proof? I scanned it: [Whee!](http://rinni.fpshosting.com/mfortune.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/18 "2003-05-09T18:59:08Z")
Dad got this one: “You will win the title of Ms. America but deny the crown.” Something you wanna tell us, Dad? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Composer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@The\_Composer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Composer)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/19 "2003-05-09T19:00:58Z")
Whenever a group of us at work goes out for Chinese, it never fails that at least one of us will **not** get a fortune in the cookie. That’s always the best. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102/20 "2003-05-09T19:09:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenham \* > **My favorite gag fortune simply reads "That wasn’t chicken."** Penn and Teller came up with one that read “The chef spit in your food.” In _How To Play With Your Food_, they even included a copy of it on cheap paper, and showed you how to switch the gag for a real fortune. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-fortune-cookie-fortune-ever/174102.md?page=2)