# Best Grampa Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 16, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712 "2003-10-16T02:39:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chocobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Chocobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chocobo)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/21 "2003-10-16T17:42:55Z")
“I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!” ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/22 "2003-10-16T17:50:17Z")
"Something like: “To whom it may concern, there are too many states. Please eliminate three.” PS I am not a crackpot. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/23 "2003-10-16T18:09:22Z")
Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/24 "2003-10-16T18:20:39Z")
From “Treehouse of Horror VI” Lisa: Bart! Don’t you realize what this means? The next time we fall asleep, we could [weakly] die! Abe: Ehh, welcome to my world! [falls asleep] ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/25 "2003-10-16T18:51:23Z")
You guys have named most of the good ones but: Cut to Grampa and Homer on a long car ride with Grampa obviously talking Homer’s ear off: Grampa: Now that’s whats wrong with your generation. Now as for Bart’s generation… ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/26 "2003-10-16T20:50:57Z")
When Bart fails to recognize the Wright Brother’s plane at the air show. “That’s the Wright Brothers’ plane. At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimbleful of corn oil. Singlehandedly won us the Civil War, it did.” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/27 "2003-10-16T21:23:21Z")
His suggestion as to how Apu can avoid being deported… “The government can’t control the sky! What if you lived in a balloon?” ---
**Author:** ![OpusThePenguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7bcc69/32.png) [@OpusThePenguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpusThePenguin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/28 "2003-10-16T22:45:45Z")
Stupid buzzards! I ain’t dead yet! ---
**Author:** ![benson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@benson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/benson)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/29 "2003-10-16T22:54:41Z")
I’m thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oooh! Look at that one! Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat! ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712/30 "2003-10-17T02:10:00Z")
Don’t try to climb up [mountain] or you’ll die just like I did?! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-grampa-simpson-lines/207712.md?page=1)