# Best guard animal? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 25, 2013, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292 "2013-05-25T04:39:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mesquite-oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@Mesquite-oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mesquite-oh)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/1 "2013-05-25T04:39:16Z")
Suppose a billionaire wants a guard animal or animals to surround his house to protect him and his family. Money is no object and where he lives any animal can be owned. Although he doesn’t care if potential intruders die, he insists that the animals be treated reasonably well and healthy. What animal would be the best protector of his estate (humans excluded)? ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/2 "2013-05-25T04:44:28Z")
Hungry Polar Bear. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/3 "2013-05-25T04:56:07Z")
A dog. They breed several varieties of dogs specifically to guard things. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/4 "2013-05-25T05:04:47Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > A dog. They breed several varieties of dogs specifically to guard things. That’s really the only good answer if you’re going to be realistic. Assuming you want some sort of reliable result and actual control over your guard animal ( handy for all sorts of reasons ), you’re not going to do better than any of a number of breeds of working dogs. Scary exotic animals like polar bears and wolverines are all fine and dandy…except when they’re not, which will be most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/5 "2013-05-25T05:07:46Z")
A wide deep moat, full of piranhas and crocodiles. ---
**Author:** ![half-elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@half-elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/half-elf)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/6 "2013-05-25T07:39:39Z")
I’ve heard that geese are supposed to be very effective guard animals and are sometimes used as such. If money (and therefore infrastructure) is no object, surely our tycoon could opt for a combination of more than one kind of animal? ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/7 "2013-05-25T07:54:09Z")
malaria-infested mosquitoes. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/8 "2013-05-25T09:01:34Z")
If the animals are treated well then they aren’t starving. Most wild animals attack people for defense or if starving. This isn’t to say all animals follow this rule. Animals that will attack are usually territorial and most wild animals have a larger territory. This leaves domesticated animals to guard…or dogs. Brazillian mastiffs are a good pack to have. Although throwing a cat into the face of someone…well…I’d watch that video! ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/9 "2013-05-25T12:16:08Z")
My mom had geese. They get my vote. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/10 "2013-05-25T12:17:19Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Scary exotic animals like polar bears and wolverines are all fine and dandy…except when they’re not, which will be most of the time. So… velociraptors are out of the question? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/11 "2013-05-25T13:01:04Z")
I had a friend who had an actual; wolf as a pet. (Rescue) Whenever I (or anybody) would come over he would have to lock the wolf in the back yard. As far as this critter was concerned, there was no “getting used to” new people. If you weren’t him or his wife, that damn mutt was going to rip your throat out. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/12 "2013-05-25T13:30:35Z")
How much interaction does the billionaire want with his guard animals? How much space does he have for them? How does he plan to contain them? My list, in escalating lethality… I second the suggestion for geese as they are territorial and will sound the alarm at any intruder. Dogs are good… get a pack with some small, yappy ones to alert and some big guardian types for stopping power. Ultimate man-stoppers. A troop of Baboons. Nasty, territorial, giant teeth, agile, strong. Containment and upkeep might be an issue, but I doubt anyone is getting past them. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/13 "2013-05-25T13:42:38Z")
Crows. A giant flock of trained crows. They’re extremely intelligent and require absolutely no day-to-day care; they are completely self-sufficient. How do you defend against a hundred birds trying to peck out your eyes? Nobody would ever see that coming. Otherwise, or in addition to, this: > [@Senegoid](#): > > A wide deep moat, full of piranhas and crocodiles. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/14 "2013-05-25T15:22:57Z")
After learning about this dog I’d go with the Caucasian Mountain Shepherd. This link is to a simple Wikipedia article about the breed > **[Caucasian Shepherd Dog](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasian_Shepherd_Dog)** > > The Caucasian Shepherd Dog or Caucasian Ovcharka is a large livestock guardian dog native to the countries of the Caucasus region, notably Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Russian oblast of Rostov, Russian Krais of Krasnodar & Stavropol, and Russian republics of Adygea, Kalmykia, Karachay-Cherkessia, Kabardino-Balkaria, North Ossetia, Ingushetia, Chechnya and Dagestan. It was developed in the Soviet Union from about 1920 from dogs of the Caucasus Mountains and the steppe regions of Southern Russi Fo... This link is to a [Cracked.com](http://Cracked.com) article. Five animals, and the dog is #1 when you scroll down to it. (But the others are interesting too) > **[5 Lovable Animals You Didn't Know Are Secretly Terrifying](https://www.cracked.com/blog/5-lovable-animals-you-didnt-know-are-secretly-terrifying)** > > Here are a bunch of adorable animals that will probably nonetheless scar you for life. Let's skip the pleasantries and get right down to hyperventilating and swearing at nature, shall we? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/15 "2013-05-25T15:30:44Z")
Humans. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/16 "2013-05-25T15:34:44Z")
I’ve hears excellent reports on the efficacy of the Honey Badger. The British have been accused of using them in combat in Iraq, as a form of biological warfare. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/17 "2013-05-25T16:00:42Z")
If geese are not available at your local store, I suggest Guinea Fowl. A flock of them. Noisy bastards, and do not suffer intruders at all. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/18 "2013-05-25T16:05:12Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Humans. They were excluded in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![AlaskanMatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@AlaskanMatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlaskanMatt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/19 "2013-05-25T16:08:20Z")
Trained silverback gorillas. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292/20 "2013-05-25T16:43:49Z")
Ostriches. Edible, and they can gut a human in seconds with those claws. Fast too. I have geese, and yes they can be nasty to nonfamily, as can roosters. I had an attack rooster here for 5 years named Cogburn. His spurs were nasty and I have shin scars to prove it. He really only like my roommate who hand raised him from a chick. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-guard-animal/659292.md?page=2)