# Best GW Bush jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 7, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164 "2001-04-07T17:13:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![berdollos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@berdollos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/berdollos)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/1 "2001-04-07T17:13:34Z")
Here’s a good one, "The word “apology” is not in GW’s vocabulary, but neither are many other words. Do you know any others? ---
**Author:** ![DaveRaver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daveraver/32/1078_2.png) [@DaveRaver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveRaver)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/2 "2001-04-08T03:10:20Z")
ecology ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/3 "2001-04-08T04:06:50Z")
_The Washington Times_. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/4 "2001-04-08T04:18:37Z")
I first heard this joke as a Bush Sr./Quayle joke, but I have changed the names and reversed the roles to fit the current administration. (And while I’m not much for Bush bashing, I happen to think this is a pretty funny joke.) Colin Powell is given a speech to the press corps, and President Bush is watching from the back of the room. Powell approaches the podium carrying a duffel bag and a pencil, and sets them both down close by. “I have heard that some of you in the press think that I’m not very good at foreign policy and that I don’t have the grace under pressure to make the tough decisions,” Powell says. “I’ll show you grace under pressure.” With that he takes a snapping turtle out of the duffel bag, shakes it up to make it really angry, unzips his fly, and the turtle bites him on the end of his penis. He then proceeds to give the rest of his briefing with the turtle hanging there. When he has finished, he takes the pencil and jabs the turtle in the eye with it to make it let go, and puts the turtle back in the bag. “There,” he says. “That should show you grace under pressure! In fact, I doubt there’s one of you that would be willing to try it!” Bush tentatively raises his hand: “Well, I’ll give it a try,” he says, “if you promise not to poke me in the eye.” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/5 "2001-04-08T05:30:41Z")
George W. Bush heard from a staff member that Vice President Cheney had angina. Upon hearing this, Dubya blushed, laughed, then scoffed: “Oh, that’s silly. Boys don’t have anginas!” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/6 "2001-04-08T05:34:34Z")
Sorry. Here’s a better one: While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.” She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?” Tony Blair responds , “It’s me, ma’am.” “Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?” “Yes, ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!” Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.” “Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?” “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. “Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb cracker.” Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!” And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you dumb shit, it’s Tony Blair!” ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-gw-bush-jokes/61164/7 "2001-04-08T13:30:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > \*\*Powell > answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb > cracker.” > \*\* This image was perhaps funnier than the punchline (and the punchline was pretty funny, too)