# Best Haiku ever? You decide... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 6, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300 "2005-12-06T04:48:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/41 "2005-12-07T20:14:11Z")
Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! Spoon! ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/42 "2005-12-07T20:23:01Z")
Bwahha Ha ha! Spoon! HA! ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/43 "2005-12-07T20:24:59Z")
Cat Haikus are funny: ``` Litter box not here You must have moved it again I'll crap in the sink. The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for "Cup Hockey" We're almost equals I purr to show I love you Want to smell my butt? ``` I always like computer haikus too: ``` Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone. The web site you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No-one hears your screams. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred. You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here. I ate your Web page. Forgive me; it was tasty And tart on my tongue. ``` ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/44 "2005-12-07T21:09:24Z")
Nerds in the ether Learning wows the unseen crowd Who needs to get laid? Cafe Society Klingon proverbs, _Simpsons_ quotes How bored are you guys? Digital hive-brain Flame-war threads will bifurcate The seizure is _grand mal_ Four windows open Three for Straight Dope, one for porn Multitasking rules! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/45 "2005-12-07T21:12:57Z")
Hit “Post Reply” and wait Weary hamsters puff and wheeze Curse my full bladder! ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/46 "2005-12-07T21:36:42Z")
Need five syllables Seven more syllables here Five more right here – done! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/47 "2005-12-08T03:09:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Haiku are poems > of seventeen syllables > and in Japanese Sushi sushi squid Sushi sushi sushi squid Sushi squid haiku ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/48 "2005-12-08T03:18:12Z")
> [@Kaotic Newtral](#): > > A card works wonders > It was the thought that counted… > $1.98 sex **Kaotic Newtral,** The Buck-ninety-eight story Brings old jokes to mind I hope you don’t mind If I take some liberties With your persona ( **Kaotic Newtral** Will be referred to here as The OP henceforth) \*The OP went down To a darkly lit alley Looking for some sex The OP asked a Whore what he could get for just A buck ninety eight After laughing hard The hooker said, “A penguin!” (Perhaps you’ve heard this…) “So what’s a penguin?” Asked OP Kaotic in a somewhat miffed tone “Give me your money” Said the whore to the OP As she dropped his pants After his trousers dropped down to his ankles, his shorts then followed suit Fully aroused now The OP was excited As the whore knelt down Her lips parted and He smiled and closed his eyes in anticipation Then nothing happened He opened his eyes and saw The whore running off Undressed and hobbled by his clothing, he cried out “Hey where ya going?”\* This was a joke that works a whole lot better if it’s done in person… ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/49 "2005-12-08T03:19:22Z")
Season of mists and Mellow fruitfulness. This is Not the right meter. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/50 "2005-12-08T03:42:33Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Haiku are easy > What _I’m_ having problems with > Are the limericks Haiku’s gnomic pith hath delighted Generations of esthetes benighted But the limerick’s shape Fits the sassy, lewd jape And it rhymes, which is not to be slighted! ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/51 "2005-12-08T03:53:44Z")
Technically a haiku’s more than just the 5-7-5 construction. The first two lines should present an image, and the last should be a rephrasing of the same content or an insight. For instance: Flightless and helpless Once predators, now just prey Toronto Raptors ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/52 "2005-12-08T04:08:48Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Technically a haiku’s more than just the 5-7-5 construction. The first two lines should present an image, and the last should be a rephrasing of the same content or an insight. For instance: > > Flightless and helpless > Once predators, now just prey > Toronto Raptors Most geeks I adore But those poetry Trekkies Can still chap my ass ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/53 "2005-12-08T04:27:28Z")
I try to write a poem. I try to write a poem. I try to. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/54 "2005-12-08T05:10:18Z")
I should be stringing Christmas lights, but no, I write bad haiku instead. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2005, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/55 "2005-12-08T11:48:21Z")
Best haiku ever? Only the one contender: this very poem. ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/56 "2005-12-09T00:38:33Z")
Nice to see that there were, out of all of them, three which at least tried to conform to the original rules for the poetry form. I especially liked > [@jurph](#): > > See the poodle jump > through the flaming hoop – too high! – > overachievement burns. though. _Silently snow falls Covering the frozen yard; Change the cat litter._ ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/57 "2005-12-09T14:59:22Z")
Limericks? All right, you asked for it… * * * A mathematician named Hall, Has a hexahedronical ball, And the cube of its weight Times the circumference, plus eight Is his phone number – give him a call… There was a young lady named Alice Who peed in a Catholic chalice. The Padre agreed 'Twas done out of need And not out of Protestant malice. A pleasant young couple named Kelly, Now walk around belly to belly. Because once, in their haste They used library paste Instead of petroleum jelly. On the chest of a barmaid from Sale, was tattooed all the prices of ale, whilst on her behind for the sake of the blind was precisely the same, but in braille. A young woman from North Carolina Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina. With the proper size cocks What was sex became Bach’s Toccata and fugue in D Minor There was a young man from DeVizes Whose balls were of two different sizes. One was so small, It was no ball at all, While the other had won several prizes! Twas a young fellow from Hyde, Fell down a two-holer and died, Along came his brother And fell down the other And now they’re in turd side by side. There once was a handsome young Mr. Who met a young woman and Kr. She had a disease But instead of a sneeze His top lip developed a Blr. There was a young lady of Fismes Who amazingly voided four streams. A friend poked around And a fly-button found Wedged tightly in one of her seams. There was a young woman from Norway Who hung by her knees from a doorway. She said to her beau, “Hey, lookee here, Joe! I think I just found us one more way!” A daring young bather was viewed To be gorgeous and totally nude Then a man come along, And unless I am wrong, You expected this line to be lewd. There was a nice parson named Bings Who talked about God and such things. But his secret desire Was to join a mixed choir With nice ladies with whom he’d have flings. There once was a man from Peru, Who’s limericks end on line two There once was a man from Iran, Who poetry just didn’t scan, the main problem is with all limericks of his, he tries to make sure the last line lasted as long as it possibly can. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/58 "2005-12-09T15:03:44Z")
Oedipus and Jocasta would pucker And out of her clothes he would shuck 'er 'Til he got a surprise And he gouged out his eyes The pitiful, sad, Freudian archetype! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/59 "2005-12-09T15:32:16Z")
Haiku is formal; Limericks are funny verse: Not the same at all. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2005, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300/60 "2005-12-09T16:59:01Z")
Yeah? I am rubber You are but glue. Whatever I say is what counts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-haiku-ever-you-decide/334300.md?page=4)