# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/1 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")
“Sweet merciful crap!” (After Lisa’s beach buddies glue seashells all over their car.) ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/2 "2003-10-11T19:26:39Z")
“I don’t know if you’re up there, but if you can hear me, save me Superman!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/3 "2003-10-11T19:38:48Z")
“Mmmmm…sugar walls…” ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/4 "2003-10-11T20:04:56Z")
mmmmmm…open faced sand wedge [sandwich]. This was during an episode where he went golfing. I don’t really remember the details of the episode. ---
**Author:** ![Loopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loopus/32/15343_2.png) [@Loopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/5 "2003-10-11T20:05:00Z")
“Mmmmmm… unexplained bacon…” ---
**Author:** ![Brad\_Pittiful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Brad\_Pittiful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brad_Pittiful)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/6 "2003-10-11T20:11:52Z")
“DOH!!!” I don’t apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that’s the way I am. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He’s always one step ahead. Here’s to alcohol : The cause of … and answer to all of life’s problems. I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are. ---
**Author:** ![Duderdude2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Duderdude2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duderdude2)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/7 "2003-10-11T20:23:19Z")
“I am evil homer, I am evil homer” “Oh. that’s going to be a lawsuit” “I’m a lean, mean, speed…thingy” ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/8 "2003-10-11T20:38:55Z")
“Oooh, floor pie!” ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/9 "2003-10-11T20:54:51Z")
“Okay, brain, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. But let’s just do this and then I can get back to killing you with beer.” “Mmmmmm…incapacitating…” ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/10 "2003-10-11T21:09:49Z")
Mmmmm… sacrelicious… Oh Lisa, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I don’t understand. [in response to Bart crying over something] There, there. Shut up, boy. Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/11 "2003-10-11T21:15:14Z")
All my life, I’ve had one dream: to achieve my many goals. Save me, Jeebus! Homer: Aw, a twenty dollar bill. But I wanted a peanut! Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts. Homer: Splain how. Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Homer: Whoo-hoo! ---
**Author:** ![HumanStromboli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/958977/32.png) [@HumanStromboli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HumanStromboli)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/12 "2003-10-11T22:22:16Z")
“This time I’m really gonna get rich . . . and quick!” After telling Marge he was through with get-rich-quick-schemes. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/13 "2003-10-11T23:00:37Z")
Something to the effect of: I saw this in a movie was a bus had to keep its **speed** over 50, and if its **speed** dropped, it would blow up. I think it was called…_The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down_. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/14 "2003-10-11T23:05:41Z")
(stage whisper) “I think he’s talking to _you_.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/15 "2003-10-11T23:38:12Z")
Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream? Of course… It’s all so simple. No it’s not, it’s needlessly complicated!!! I WANT ANSWERS NOW, OR I WANT THEM EVENTUALLY!!! ---
**Author:** ![collinsc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@collinsc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/collinsc)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/16 "2003-10-11T23:43:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mobo85 \* > \*\*Something to the effect of: > > I saw this in a movie was a bus had to keep its **speed** over 50, and if its **speed** dropped, it would blow up. I think it was called…_The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down_. \*\* That was a Milhouse quote. (Good one, though) ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/17 "2003-10-11T23:46:29Z")
I don’t know, Marge, I can’t be expected to keep track of all my wheelings and dealings. (Regarding a loan from Patty & Selma.) ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/18 "2003-10-11T23:54:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by collinsc \* > \*\*That was a Milhouse quote. (Good one, though) \*\* You sure? I thought Homer said that in The Springfield Files episode with Mulder and Scully. ---
**Author:** ![nikjohns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@nikjohns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikjohns)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/19 "2003-10-11T23:54:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by collinsc \* > \*\*That was a Milhouse quote. (Good one, though) \*\* Nope, it was a Homer - from the Springfield Files episode, where he’s planning to get the afternoon off work. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/20 "2003-10-11T23:55:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by collinsc \* > \*\*That was a Milhouse quote. (Good one, though) \*\* Nope, it’s a Homer. Although _Milhouse_ did have the wonderful: “This is just like _Speed 2_, only with a bus instead of a boat!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=2)