# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/181 "2003-10-25T16:58:11Z")
Marge: I think it needs more fertilizer. Homer: Marge, Im only one man. Homer: I seem to have misplaced my pants. ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/182 "2003-10-25T17:05:51Z")
Rex Banner (monologue): I’ll get you Beer Baron… Homer (in the distance): No you won’t… Rex Banner: What?! Yes I will. Homer (in the distance): Nooo… ---
**Author:** ![Journeyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/183 "2003-10-25T17:10:56Z")
Annie Xmas, that second quote just isn’t the same without a little context. Older woman: Is that a garbage bag you’re wearing? Homer (sounding dignified): I have misplaced my pants. The tone is what makes it a screamer. ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/184 "2003-10-25T17:13:07Z")
“Don’t forget to bring my car back tomorrow back. Just slide it under the door.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/185 "2003-10-25T18:26:18Z")
## Wasn’t it Homer who said “DNA will never convict a Simpson.”, referring to Who Shot Mr Burns, but obviously refferring to someone else in real life. ## Not a quote, but when Homer is riding that little tricycle at Clown college, and the pant leg gets caught in the chain or tire, his pants start to unravel, he keeps riding looking very seriously. His pants come off, but he’s still riding the bike, naked. Krusty looks at his assistant and says “Ummm, burn that seat.” What’s wrong with you? What are you trying to hide from me… [Homer opens the door and sniffs] What’s that smell? Onions… chili powder… cumin… juicy ground chuck? It’s chili! Oh, my god, I’m missing the chili cook-off! [whining, fidgeting] I’m missing the cook-off, it’s going on right now, and I’m missing it. Marge: All right, I was trying to keep it from you, but I had a good reason. Every time you go to that cook-off you get drunk as a poet on payday. * * * ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/186 "2003-10-25T19:08:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Big Cheese \* > \*\*Wasn’t it Homer who said “DNA will never convict a Simpson.”, referring to Who Shot Mr Burns, but obviously refferring to someone else in real life. > \*\* That’s from the “Simpsons 137th Show Spectaculor.” As an alternate ending to “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” they show a clip where it’s Smithers. Then Troy McClure says: But for that solution to work, you’d have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. And that would be downright nutty. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/187 "2003-10-26T00:15:39Z")
From the “Treehouse of Horror” sketch where Homer falls through a wall and into the Third Dimension: “Oh, there’s so much astrophysics I don’t know! I wish I’d finished that book by that wheelchair guy.” ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/188 "2003-12-27T17:16:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by several people including \* > **"To alcohol! The cause of–and solution to–all of life’s problems!"** I suppose we could consider this _Homer’s Theodicy_! 😃 ::: ducks and runs ::: ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/189 "2003-12-27T17:40:10Z")
“Oh Lisa, you and your stories, ‘Bart is a vampire’, ‘beer kills brain cells’, now lets go back to that building…thingy…where our beds and tv…is” “Lisa, vampires are just make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos” ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/190 "2003-12-27T21:42:17Z")
Strike?!?, if you don’t like your job you don’t _strike_, you just go in every day and do it reeealy half-assed, _that’s_ the American way ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/191 "2003-12-27T21:44:45Z")
This should be made into a sticky, with the best 20 lines. ---
**Author:** ![HumanStromboli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/958977/32.png) [@HumanStromboli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HumanStromboli)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/192 "2003-12-27T22:12:42Z")
“Those sucks? They’re the suckiest bunch of sucks that have ever sucked.” Or something like that… ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/193 "2003-12-27T22:45:06Z")
“He reminds me of me when I was his age before the weight of the world crushed my spirits.” “Stealing! Stealing! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies for !? Haven’t you been listening to that guy at church? Captain Whatshisname?!” ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/194 "2003-12-27T22:59:38Z")
Ack, I can only paraphrase; “Life is one crushing defeat after another till you just wish Flanders was dead” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/195 "2003-12-27T23:14:21Z")
(While driving through a blizzard) Flanders: Homer, I think we ran over something! Homer: Oooo!!! I hope it’s Flanders!!! ---
**Author:** ![Patr100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@Patr100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patr100)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/196 "2003-12-27T23:38:36Z")
Not an exact quote from memory but when Homer is presented with a super new high powered Grill. “This can roast a whole buffallo in 10 seconds” Homer: “Ten seconds? I want it now!” ---
**Author:** ![Patr100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@Patr100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patr100)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/197 "2003-12-27T23:45:24Z")
“I’m acting the way America acts best - unilaterally!” ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/198 "2003-12-27T23:47:53Z")
Forgive the nit-pickiness… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HumanStromboli \* > \*\*“Those sucks? They’re the suckiest bunch of sucks that have ever sucked.” > > Or something like that… \*\* “Yeah, they sucked all right…they’re the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Patr100_ > \*\*“This can roast a whole buffallo in 10 seconds” > > Homer: “Ten seconds? I want it now!”\*\* “This here can flash-fry a buffalo in three seconds.” I really just wanted to correct the flash-fry part. I’m not entirely sure how long it took. And Moe got it from the Navy for his family restaurant, right? ---
**Author:** ![Patr100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@Patr100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patr100)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/199 "2003-12-27T23:49:49Z")
Here’s the quote from another site. Hope its accurate: MOE: I just bought this from the Navy. It can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds HOMER: \ 40 seconds? I want it now ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/200 "2003-12-27T23:57:06Z")
Ah HA! There we go. Thanks, **Patr100**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=11)