# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Madawc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@Madawc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madawc)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/41 "2003-10-12T03:03:46Z")
S-M-R-T!!! ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/42 "2003-10-12T03:05:39Z")
“mmm… something” “mmm… free goo” ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/43 "2003-10-12T03:09:00Z")
But marge! Someone might actually call me “Sir” without adding “your making a scene!” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/44 "2003-10-12T03:09:42Z")
(House cleaning episode) H: "Doohhhhhh…? D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/45 "2003-10-12T03:11:04Z")
I think I brained my damage ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/46 "2003-10-12T03:53:22Z")
“I would like to help you Lisa, but I need to finish what I’m doing…” (puts on glasses and begins staring straight ahead) ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/47 "2003-10-12T05:29:34Z")
Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/48 "2003-10-12T12:29:33Z")
In the New Age store: Lisa: I just wish you’d be a little more open minded about other cultures. Homer: Other cultures are fine. All I’m saying is I can handle life just fine without a [picks up a product] tooth…brush! ---
**Author:** ![Space\_Vampire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Space\_Vampire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Space_Vampire)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/49 "2003-10-12T13:35:07Z")
A gun is a tool, like a hammer, or an… alligator. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/50 "2003-10-12T13:58:32Z")
"What are you gonna do? Sic the dogs on me? Or bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that, when they bark, they shoot bees at me? ---
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/51 "2003-10-12T14:15:53Z")
“Internet… eeehhh…?” ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/52 "2003-10-12T14:18:40Z")
M: Homer, just because someone asks you to join a freak show, it doesn’t mean you have to do it! H: Y’know Marge, in some ways you and I are very different people. (I use that about once a week.) White gold! Texas T! (pause) Sweetner! (Somehow, it’s the length of the pause that gets me.) –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/53 "2003-10-12T14:40:32Z")
(At the softball game): I wish I was at home with a big bag of potato chips. Mmmmm, potato chips… (Was this the first “Mmmmmm, \_\_\_\_\_”?) Homer: There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Homer Simpson way. Bart: Isn’t that just the wrong way? Homer: Yes, but faster. (Upon discovering a family of opossums living in the monorail control panel): I call the big one “Bitey.” (In the Internet episode, where he kept his pens and pencils stuck in a stick of butter): Mmmmm, delicious memo… ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/54 "2003-10-12T14:41:46Z")
Homer: We need Batman! Marge: What we need is a scientist. Homer: Batman’s a scientist. ---
**Author:** ![cmonidareya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cmonidareya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmonidareya)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/55 "2003-10-12T14:49:06Z")
“Oh Money, your money is all that moneys…” ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/56 "2003-10-12T15:13:31Z")
I had forgotten that one **Big Bad Voodoo Lou**. I used to use “Batman’s a scientist” daily. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/57 "2003-10-12T15:48:20Z")
“Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” “Help, Marge help! The clown’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughing at me!” Grimes: You…YOU were in outer space?? Homer: Sure! You’ve never been? Homer: Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth? Food vendor guy: Mountain Dew, or crab juice. Homer: Blecch! Yechh! I’ll take a crab juice! ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/58 "2003-10-12T16:01:22Z")
“TELEVISION!! Teacher, mother…_seeeeecret looverrrr…_” H: Oh, but Marge, you know every time I learn something new something old gets pushed out!! Remember the time you gave me that home wine-making kit? I forgot how to drive for a week! M: Homer, you were drunk!! H: Aaaand how! ---
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/59 "2003-10-12T16:07:54Z")
Sun… goes… up… Sun… goes… down… Sun goes up Sun goes down SUN GOES UP SUN GOES DOWN SUN GOES U- :EEEEK!: ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/60 "2003-10-12T16:59:44Z")
“Why I laugh?” Brain:_Now look sad and say doh_ doh FBI man: When I nod and tap your foot you say “hello” Homer: ok FBI man: “hello mr thompson” \ \ Homer (turns to other FBI man): I think he’s talking to you. But IMO the absolute funniest thing about homer is when he is not saying anything at all, when he is just staring, slightly split-eyed, completely devoid of any expression whatsoever. That look is classic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=4)