# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Herge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Herge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Herge)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/61 "2003-10-12T17:03:39Z")
That reminds me of this one: “I’m gonna write the best darn article… oh wait” ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/62 "2003-10-12T17:09:22Z")
(not sure if this is remembered right) Let’s go to that… building… where our…beds and TV…is Mmmmmm… Invisible Cola! Save me Jebus! ---
**Author:** ![CadburyAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/63 "2003-10-12T19:12:42Z")
I don’t remember the exact quote, but my friends and I still call church “God Hut.” ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/64 "2003-10-12T19:25:28Z")
After he sees clown school advertised on a billboard. Homer: I’ve had it with you holding me back- I’m going to clown school! Bart: I don’t think any off us expected him to say that. ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/65 "2003-10-12T19:27:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Big Bad Voodoo Lou \* > \*\*Homer: We need Batman! > Marge: What we need is a scientist. > Homer: Batman’s a scientist. \*\* I’m pretty sure it’s: Marge: Homer, I have someone here who can help you. Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No, he’s a scientist. Homer: Batman’s a scientist ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/66 "2003-10-12T19:32:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Big Bad Voodoo Lou \* > \*\* > > Homer: There’s the right way, the wrong way, and the Homer Simpson way. > Bart: Isn’t that just the wrong way? > Homer: Yes, but faster. > > \*\* Um, actually it’s the “Max Power way”. 😉 I had two good ones, and then I forgot them! DAMMIT! I HATE it when that happens! Oh wait, I remember! “Marge, you’re as pretty as Princess Leia and as wise as Yoda.” “Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba!” “Simpson, Homer Simpson. He’s the greatest guy in history! From the town of Springfield-he’s about to hit a chessnut tree! AAAHHH!!!” (to the tune of _The Flintstones_) “My prices are so low, you’ll think I’ve suffered brain damage!” “Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways! This is Tony Plow-you know, from ‘Leave it to Beaver?’ Yeah, they were gay.” (It’s really funny, because wasn’t Bart supposed to be the big star of the show? But it’s obviously Homer!) ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/67 "2003-10-12T21:20:35Z")
I think Bart was the focus in the first two years or so, back when Matt Groening had more of a hands-on role as a writer. (And any Simpsons fan will tell you that these early episodes were not nearly as good as what came later, around seasons 3-8.) When the focus shifted from “bad Bart” to “stupid Homer,” the show really came into its own. ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/68 "2003-10-12T21:26:54Z")
My balogna has a first name, it’s H-O-M-E-R, by balogna has a second name, it’s H-O-M-E-R. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/69 "2003-10-12T21:29:43Z")
…Where nothing could posibl_aiy_ go wrong… … hm, that’s the first thing that’s ever gone wrong. Not homer I know, but still slightly mauzing ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/70 "2003-10-12T22:09:03Z")
“In high school I was voted most likely to _be_ a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee!” ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/71 "2003-10-12T23:10:51Z")
“But Marge, I’m hungry and tired … and I’m not sure if I can complain much longer.” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/72 "2003-10-12T23:52:35Z")
At a barbecue: Homer: Lisa, can I interest you in a steak, porkchop, or chicken wing? Lisa: Do you have any food that wasn’t brutally slaughtered? Homer: Hmmm, I think the veal died of loneliness? * * * Lisa becomes a vegetarian: Homer: You mean your not going to eat porkchops?! Lisa: No dad Homer: You mean your not going to eat ham?! Lisa: No dad Homer: You mean your not going to eat bacon?!?! Lisa: No Daaaddddd! They all come from the same animal! Homer (skeptical/sarcastic): Oh surrrrrrrre Lisa some wonderfulllllll maaaagical animal. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/73 "2003-10-13T00:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Herge \* > \*\*Sun… goes… up… > Sun… goes… down… > Sun goes up > Sun goes down > SUN GOES UP > SUN GOES DOWN > SUN GOES U- :EEEEK!: \*\* Actually, a funny _Fiddler on the Roof_ inspired comment: Sunrise…sunset. Sunrise…sunset. Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset…(CRASH!) Note to self: Stop doing anything. After an electronic Santa breaks down in the middle of singing _Jingle Bell Rock_: (inqusitively) “Jingle Bell _what?!_” ---
**Author:** ![IUHomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90db22/32.png) [@IUHomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IUHomer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/74 "2003-10-13T02:19:03Z")
“You’ll have to speak up. I’m wearing a towel” ``` "And remember, Don't trust anyone over 30!! And now, Peter Frampton." And from the episode where he pretends to be a member of the nursing home and he sees some guy on a ventilator... "And here I am using my lungs like a sucker!" My favorite mmmmm : "Mmmmmm...Sacrilicous" ``` ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/75 "2003-10-13T03:35:21Z")
Marge, old people don’t need excitement. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/76 "2003-10-13T04:03:39Z")
I can’t remember what led up to this, but one of my favourite Homer moments was a “thought balloon” of Homer’s that showed a freshly-dug grave with a headstone that said RIP Good Homer and had “Evil Homer” in a devil suit dancing around the grave with maracas singing “I am Evil Homer, I am Evil Homer”. That always cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/77 "2003-10-13T04:52:03Z")
One of my favorites is the sequence where in a flashback everyone in Springfield finds out that Marge is pregnant except Homer. On his way back from his job at the bowling alley… Wiggum: Oh, hey Simpson. Just heard the news. Good work, Simpson. Homer: _Hmm, he must be talking about my new job._ Yes, it is good work! Apu: Mister Simpson, I just heard about your new bundle of joy! Homer: It’s true! The bundle may be little, but I’m not in it for the money! Moe: Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant! Homer: This is getting a little abstract…but thank you, I do enjoy working at the bowling alley! _Back at home_ Marge: A surprise baby shower? You know I haven’t told Homer! Patti and Selma: Oh, really? _Suddenly the door blows open. Marge gasps, but it turns out to be wind, and closes the door. A second later, Homer bursts in._ Homer: Boy, is it windy out there! Hey, what’s all this? It seems like you’re…_showering_ Marge with gifts…little tiny _baby_ sized gifts…well, I’ll be in the tub. Maude: Oh by the way Homer, congratulations on your new job. Homer: _New job_…MARGE IS PREGNANT?! _Homer runs up stairs and into the bedroom screaming._ Bart: Wow dad, you really freaked out like a little kid? Homer: Oh, just that one time! Marge: Actually, when he found out I was pregnant with Bart… _flashback_ Homer: You’re pregnant?! _Homer tears out some of his hair and runs up into the bedroom screaming._ Marge: And when I was pregnant with Lisa… _flashback_ Homer: You’re pregnant again?! _Homer tears out his remaining hair and runs up into the bedroom screaming._ ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/78 "2003-10-13T05:27:01Z")
You gave _both_ dogs away? You know how I feel about giving! * * * Son, trying is just the first step toward failure * * * When a fire starts to burn There’s a lesson you must learn Something, something, then, you’ll see, You’ll aviod catastrophe… D’oh! * * * Homer: Those suckers. I paid my taxes over a year ago. Lisa: Daaad. Homer: What is it, Honey? Did you see a scary picture in your picture book? Lisa: Those were last years taxes Homer: Oh, no. You see, I paid for the… You see, yearwise, I was counting forward from the last, previous… D’oh! Marge: Homer, I put the tax forms on your to do pile over a month ago. Homer: I have a to do pile?! ---
**Author:** ![heimarkj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c2a13f/32.png) [@heimarkj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heimarkj)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/79 "2003-10-13T05:59:24Z")
Homer saying…“more” when the ironic punishment division of hell’s donut conveyer belt pauses… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/80 "2003-10-13T06:41:48Z")
Hmmm… they have the internet on computers now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=5)