# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Made\_in\_Macau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@Made\_in\_Macau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Made_in_Macau)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/81 "2003-10-13T09:00:16Z")
Marge: ‘Homer you lied!’ Homer: ‘It takes two to make a lie Marge; one to lie and one to listen’ ---
**Author:** ![Shortie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Shortie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shortie)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/82 "2003-10-13T14:39:10Z")
Wait a minute…there’s something bothering me about this place… This lesbian bar doesn’t have a fire exit! ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/83 "2003-10-13T15:05:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brad Pittiful \* > \*\*I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are. \*\* The best part is he says that right before he begins eating out of a container labelled “Nuts & Gum: Together at last!” “Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odours – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’, who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’.” ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/84 "2003-10-13T19:20:37Z")
“Boy! I know you can hear what I’m thinking - Meow Meow Meow Meow, Meow Meow Meow Meow,…” Ralph: Mr. Simpson, these tar fumes are making me dizzy. Homer: Yeah, they’ll do that. Marge: How will the kids get home? Homer: Uhhh, the internet? ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/85 "2003-10-13T19:39:53Z")
I drink a whisky drink I drink a vodka drink And when I have to pee I use the kitchen sink… ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/86 "2003-10-13T20:11:12Z")
Insurance Agent: Now this place you were at, Moe’s, is this a business of some sort? Homer’s Brain: Don’t tell him you were at a bar! But what else is open at night? Homer: It’s a pornography store. I was buying pornography. and a currency based favorite: Homer: There’s a $10,000 bill in it for you. Barney: Oh yeah? Which president is on it? Homer: Um, all of them. They are having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/87 "2003-10-13T20:50:47Z")
Homer: All work and no play makes Homer … something something… Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don’t mind if I do! ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/88 "2003-10-13T21:17:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SciFiSam \* > \*\*Homer: All work and no play makes Homer … something something… > > Marge: Go crazy? > > Homer: Don’t mind if I do! \*\* Good quote **Sam** , but it’s not altogether correct. You may want to check the thread for a quote about no beer and no TV. 😛 While I’m here… mmm…sixty four slices of american cheese. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/89 "2003-10-13T21:29:09Z")
Ah yes - he had the first half of the quote correct, and I added the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/90 "2003-10-13T21:54:53Z")
Hate to be nitpicking, but I had the entire _quote_ correct, and you added the subsequent dialogue. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/91 "2003-10-13T22:08:36Z")
OK (sorry, didn’t see that it was you), but the subsequent dialogue is what makes that quote funny! ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/92 "2003-10-13T22:28:14Z")
This isn’t a line exactly, but still a funny scene. Its the episode where we find out Mr. Burns had a son. The Simpsons are at the Apple something place, and Flanders approaches Homer and begins telling him a rhyme about how you can tell the difference between apple cider and apple juice. Flanders: If its light and brown, your in cider town(?)! Homer’s Brain: I don’t know about you, but I’m getting out of here. We see a transparent image of Homer’s brain leaving Homer’s head. Then Homer collapses in front of Flanders. ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/93 "2003-10-13T23:28:44Z")
I thought the police officer was a prostitute. Herb: Homer, can you not think of your ass for five minutes?!?! Homer: I try, but I can’t. Marge, when I get older I want you to promise to put me in a nursing home. It’s like being a baby but you’re old enough to appreciate it! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The moral is: Never Try. Pickabar??? What the hell is pickabar?!?! ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/94 "2003-10-13T23:49:26Z")
Where the hell’s my tab? ---
**Author:** ![OpusThePenguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7bcc69/32.png) [@OpusThePenguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpusThePenguin)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/95 "2003-10-14T00:38:59Z")
(paraphrase of Homer praying) My kids are hellions. Did you see them at the company picnic? Of course you did. You’re omnivorous. You see everything. (Homer talking to Bart about his fist fight with Tom) Did you see when I was sobbing like a little girl and he turned around in disgust and then I kicked him in the back? ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/96 "2003-10-14T00:54:06Z")
Again, not really a line, but I just saw Homer’s expression after hearing about Marge’s psuedo-affair. Priceless. ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/97 "2003-10-14T01:12:16Z")
Teeming one, flanders line is : If it’s light and yellow, you’ve got juice there fellow! If it’s dark and brown, your in cider town! ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/98 "2003-10-14T01:19:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shortie \* > \*\*Wait a minute…there’s something bothering me about this place… This lesbian bar doesn’t have a fire exit! \*\* Homer: Enjoy your death trap ladies! (leaves) Lesbian chick: What’s her problem? Oh, and can someone post the "I was 17 and I drank some very good beer’ song? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/99 "2003-10-14T01:42:29Z")
When I was seventeen I drank a very good beer I drank a very good beer I purchased with a fake ID My name was Brian McGee We stayed up listening to Queen When I was seventeen. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/100 "2003-10-14T02:44:58Z")
You can dance You can dance Everyone look at your pants [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=6)