# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Lux\_Interior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@Lux\_Interior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Interior)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/121 "2003-10-14T20:08:25Z")
**Marge, where’s that…metal…dealie…used to…dig…food?** And from the same episode; Oooh… A sextet of ale! ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Interior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@Lux\_Interior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Interior)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/122 "2003-10-14T20:17:03Z")
Forbearance is the watchword. That triumvirate of Twinkies merely overwhelmed my resolve. Now there’s a Machiavellian countenance ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Interior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@Lux\_Interior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Interior)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/123 "2003-10-14T20:25:35Z")
Forbearance is the watchword. That triumvirate of Twinkies merely overwhelmed my resolve. Now there’s a Machiavellian countenance ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/124 "2003-10-14T20:53:47Z")
“You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.” ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/125 "2003-10-15T06:05:58Z")
"Ooh, look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! …Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic!" ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/126 "2003-10-15T06:17:58Z")
The Land of Chocolate … [cue “Holiday for Strings”] ---
**Author:** ![Madawc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@Madawc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madawc)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/127 "2003-10-15T08:09:56Z")
From Obese Homer episode… Homer reads the computer screen. Homer: [reading screen] “To Start Press Any Key”. Where’s the ANY key? I see Esk [“ESC”], Catarl [“CTRL”], and Pig-Up [“PGUP”]. There doesn’t seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a TAB. [presses TAB key] Awp…no time for that now, the computer’s starting. [reading screen slowly] “Check core temperature, yes slash no.” [types] Yes. “Core temperature normal.” Hmph. Not too shabby. “Vent radioactive gas.” [types] NO. “Venting prevents explosi-on.” Heeheee…whoa, this is hard. Where’s my Tab? Okay, then, [types] YES, vent the stupid gas. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/128 "2003-10-15T13:49:44Z")
**Apu** :…I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service. **Homer** : You’re…selling what, now? **Apu** : I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment. **Homer** : You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door] **Apu** : He’s got me there. ---
**Author:** ![Catjuggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Catjuggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catjuggler)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/129 "2003-10-15T18:38:47Z")
Florida? But that’s America’s wang! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/130 "2003-10-15T18:44:26Z")
Don’t forget to bring back my car back. ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/131 "2003-10-15T19:19:37Z")
“If elected Mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ye and burn your town to cinders!” - Groundskeeper Willie ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/132 "2003-10-15T19:58:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnT \* > \*\*Upon hearing that his barbershop quartet lost the Best New Artist Grammy to Dexy’s Midnight Runners \*\* Now let’s get something straight, The B-Flats _beat_ Dexy’s Midnight Runners. It’s been almost a year since I first corrected you on it [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=141454&highlight=dexys) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/133 "2003-10-15T20:09:05Z")
Of course, one year from now you can remind me that it’s really **The B-Sharps**! Walks away mumbling something about stupid ironic internet laws and their stupid irony. ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/134 "2003-10-15T22:32:34Z")
Homer sitting at piano, singing, “Baby on board, something something, Burt Ward…” [spoken] “This thing writes itsef!” ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/135 "2003-10-15T23:15:19Z")
Oops. I should have read the subject line a bit more carefully. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/136 "2003-10-15T23:27:27Z")
[homer](http://www.whatsbetter.com/display.pyt?item=619) ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/137 "2003-10-16T00:02:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NutWrench \* > Oops. I should have read the subject line a bit more carefully. Silly, all you had to repost was, “Doh!” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/138 "2003-10-16T00:57:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lost4life \* > \*\*Of course, one year from now you can remind me that it’s really **The B-Sharps**! > > Walks away mumbling something about stupid ironic internet laws and their stupid irony. \*\* HAH-Hah! :points: And, you know, when I typed that I was thinking “…didn’t I make this same mistake a while ago? Oh well, somebody will correct me.” Anyway: HAH-hah! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/139 "2003-10-16T02:32:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnT \* > … And, you know, when I typed that I was thinking “…didn’t I make this same mistake a while ago? Oh well, somebody will correct me.” Another tragic case of _deja moo_, where you’ve seen this BS before. ---
**Author:** ![IUHomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90db22/32.png) [@IUHomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IUHomer)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/140 "2003-10-16T02:46:25Z")
Insurance agent asking Homer where he was : ``` (Don't say you were drinking, don't say you were drinking)..."I was at the pornography store. I was buying pornography." Also, the simple but classic lines : "Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me." "OK. What's you first name Mr. Burns?" "I don't..know." ``` [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=8)