# Best Homer Simpson Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884 "2003-10-11T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/161 "2003-10-17T16:39:29Z")
“Free tramapoline!” “Sax-a-mo-phone…” ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/162 "2003-10-17T17:05:33Z")
“To alchohol! The cause of–and solution to–all of life’s problems!” And I think this is from the same bootlegger episode: Marge: Homer! What exactly are you up to in that basement?! Homer, pushing wheelbarrow full of booze-filled bowling balls: Marge…I’m not going to lie to you. And with that, he simply leaves the house. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/163 "2003-10-17T17:05:49Z")
“To alcohol! The cause of–and solution to–all of life’s problems!” And I think this is from the same bootlegger episode: Marge: Homer! What exactly are you up to in that basement?! Homer, pushing wheelbarrow full of booze-filled bowling balls: Marge…I’m not going to lie to you. And with that, he simply leaves the house. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/164 "2003-10-17T17:12:45Z")
D’oh! Sorry! Here’s another: “Marge, you make it sound so seamy. All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.” - Homer on his time with his country music protegee, Lurleen Lumpkin ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/165 "2003-10-17T21:24:15Z")
“Ohhh. SideSHOW Bob” ---
**Author:** ![PigArcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bcef8e/32.png) [@PigArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PigArcher)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/166 "2003-10-17T22:19:50Z")
“They don’t call me Colonel Homer Simpson because I’m some dumbass army guy” ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/167 "2003-10-17T23:07:02Z")
Hurry Marge, less artsy more fartsy! ---
**Author:** ![griswold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b38774/32.png) [@griswold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griswold)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/168 "2003-10-19T02:35:33Z")
“So I says to him, you want your money, well you can come and get it, cause I don’t know where it is, you baloney! You make me want to retch!” ---
**Author:** ![cletus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@cletus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cletus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/169 "2003-10-20T01:18:56Z")
Can we go home yet?\_ My feet hurt… all this fresh air is making my hair move… and I don’t know how much longer I can complain. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/170 "2003-10-20T02:58:17Z")
Then, I will hug some snakes…yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes. Now _that’s_ sarcasm! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/171 "2003-10-20T13:38:35Z")
“Homer, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “I think so…” “You can run…but you can’t GLUIDE!” (Homer fantasizing about attacking a crowd in a laser-armed hang glider) ---
**Author:** ![Irishlove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3da27b/32.png) [@Irishlove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishlove)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/172 "2003-10-21T07:45:27Z")
I’m just going out to… commit certain deeds. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/173 "2003-10-21T07:50:09Z")
Marge: Homer! You said you got rid of the gun. Homer: But I put it in the vegetable drawer. I figured no one would look there. ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/174 "2003-10-21T10:06:55Z")
M: Homer, you aren’t going out stalking again are you? you know how I feel, its so _illegal_ H: No Marge, i’m just going out…to…STALK…Lenny and Carl…d’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2003, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/175 "2003-10-21T10:30:21Z")
“Did you ever see that Blue Man Group? Total rip-off of the Smurfs. And the Smurfs – they suck!” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/176 "2003-10-23T20:19:23Z")
Dear lord…please guide this cinder block [throws cinder block through the hull of Judge Constance Harm’s boathouse] ---
**Author:** ![howie1423](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/aca169/32.png) [@howie1423](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howie1423)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/177 "2003-10-23T20:58:59Z")
Marge: homer were out of beer do you want some fruit juice? Homer: don’t toy with me woman about principal skinner. “possible homer-sexual” ---
**Author:** ![Sketch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/178 "2003-10-24T01:06:05Z")
In the episode where Marge turns out to be a witch and sends bats after the town: Homer: They’re in my hair, they’re in my hair!! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/179 "2003-10-24T01:53:44Z")
DAMNIT, someone stole mine. Anywho, here’s another one: Barney’s film had depth and heart, but the football in the groin had a football in a groin. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2003, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884/180 "2003-10-25T10:47:06Z")
Lisa, could you open the window. The police have Daddy’s fingerprints on file. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-homer-simpson-lines/206884.md?page=10)