# Best Jack McCoy line ever (Law & Order)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [June 17, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354 "2003-06-17T01:49:38Z")
**Posts on this page:** 9
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/1 "2003-06-17T01:49:38Z")
Man, I just heard him say it and now I can’t remember exactly how it goes. He’s about to try two kids for the same crime at the same time and he says something like:
> [@](#):
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> I’m playing tiddly-winks with the law. What I’d really like to do is take them to Battery Park and hang them by their scrotums.
This has probably been done, but I thought it ought to be brought up again
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### Author:  [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/2 "2003-06-17T02:16:27Z")
I saw that episode earlier tonight on TNT. Great line. The word “scrotum” is woefully under-used on television.
There was a recent episode that Jack McCoy say the line, “Never get Freudian with a man with a pickle.” Cracked me up.
But as much as like McCoy, I always thought Adam Schiff had the best lines. He was far and away my favorite character on the show, and I was sad to see him go. One of my personal favorite lines was, “Someone should tell that girl that revenge is one of your four basic food groups!”
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### Author:  [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/3 "2003-06-17T02:22:27Z")
Logan: “You’re the DA, you can indict a ham sandwich.”
McCoy: “At least a ham sandwich has meat on it.”
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### Author:  [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/4 "2003-06-17T02:46:01Z")
Has anyone noticed that at least 50% the time, Adam Schiff is always on his way out somewhere? He’s always gathering his coat and hat: it seems all he ever does is make cutting remarks while he’s on the way out the door.
And did that man every sincerely smile on the show? He was the most depressing old curmudgeon ever. That’s why I loved `im.
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/5 "2003-06-17T02:52:22Z")
“God really screwed the pooch this time!”
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### Author:  [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/6 "2003-06-17T03:14:18Z")
When a defendant claimed that TV violence led him to kill, saying that most violent criminals reported watching violent programs, Jack replied: “So if 85% of juvenile delinquents chew gum, should we then believe that gum-chewing causes delinquency?”
Great line, and faultless logic. I always use this when pointing out a fundmental attributional error.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/7 "2003-06-17T04:29:28Z")
Don’t know his exact words, but I love when he orders the court to arrest a former abortion-provider turned pro-lifer for murder (because that is what she “confesses” to). He keeps demanding she be arrested until the judge has to quiet him by saying something like “May I remind you that abortion is legal?” Zzzzing!
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### Author:  [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/8 "2003-06-17T04:53:39Z")
Schiff will forever be the master, but McCoy has had some great lines:
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> Barclay: “He and his father, they’re all alike with their Irish temper. They lose control and the next thing you know you have a murder…”
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> McCoy: “Oh, so Harrigan did it because he’s a Mick? Detective Logan is a Mick. I’m a Mick, sir, and if you don’t shut up I’ll lose control and throw you out of the room!”
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> Hellman: “Let’s talk hypotheticals. A young singer gets called for an audition…”
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> McCoy: “And she brings her gun. What’s her audition piece, ‘.22 Ways to Leave Your Lover’ ?”
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> “You loaned 50.000$ to a madwoman. You went to your book group even though you hated it. Doris stole your gun, but you never noticed. She killed your family for no reason. Then she came to kill you for no reason, but she forgot the gun. Scratches appeared on your body by magic. Doris did call you at the restaurant, but she never spoke. Is that the best story you can come up with ?”
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> McCoy: “You teach young people to hate ?”
> Willis: “I teach them to eliminate hate between the races.”
> McCoy: “By eliminating the other races ?”
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### Author:  [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)
#### Post date: [June 17, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-jack-mccoy-line-ever-law-order/182354/9 "2003-06-17T05:21:56Z")
“Now that Claire’s dead, no one can dispute my claim that we had an affair.” Oh, you mean stuff he said _out loud._