# Best Law & Order quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 9, 2015, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355 "2015-08-09T02:21:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/21 "2015-08-10T21:24:35Z")
In the morgue during an autospy: Elizabeth Rodgers: First time? Serena Southerlyn: I came over from Civil Investigations… Elizabeth Rodgers: You get used to the smell. Ed Green: No you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/22 "2015-08-11T01:35:11Z")
Roger Cleary (facing six counts of murder two) All right, Mr. Stone, I’m a businessman. I’ve made deals before. What are you offering? Stone: I’m not a businessman, Mr. Cleary. I’m offering you nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/23 "2015-08-11T01:47:31Z")
Mrs. Gaines: For 10 years, I stayed in a nightmare marriage just so she could have a real home. I fought for custody for her, but he had more money, more lawyers. He turned me into an addict and then used it against me! That bastard, he stole her away from me. He told her lies about me. He made her afraid of me… I loved her! Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy: But you hated your husband more. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/24 "2015-08-11T18:52:54Z")
Tech: You know, last time we had to go through the trash, the investigating officers helped out. Lenny Briscoe: [Clearly with no intention of helping out] That’s fascinating. I think you missed a spot. Ben Stone: I guess you just weren’t clever enough. Phillip Swann: I got this far, Ben. Ben Stone: A lot of effort to wind up right back where you started. And in polite society, sir, you don’t call people by their first name unless they ask you to. I didn’t do that. You’re not a friend, and you’re certainly not a colleague. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/25 "2015-08-11T18:59:21Z")
Ben Stone. Several witnesses to a murder involving the Columbian drug cartel mysteriously die after the trial. The victim had a young daughter. Ben: What about the little girl? Adam: Picked up at school by her uncle. Ben: She doesn’t have an uncle. Claire is investigating some society murder, and one of the witnesses tells her something like, “You should be sipping Cristal on the back of a yacht” or something. Jill Hennessey is a lovely lady. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/26 "2015-08-11T19:00:55Z")
Oh, and Logan is using a pair of tongs to sift through a dumpster. Logan: They’re perfectly good tongs! Briscoe: I’m never eating salad at your house. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/27 "2015-08-11T19:08:41Z")
(Some guy) “They’re all alike with their Irish temper. They lose control and the next thing you know, you have a murder.” McCoy: “Oh, so he did it because he’s a Mick? I’m a Mick. Detective Logan’s a Mick, sir, and if you don’t shut up, I’ll lose control and throw you out of the room!” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/28 "2015-08-11T19:37:02Z")
Paraphrased, 'cause I’m too lazy to look it up: Murder victim’s Mother-In-Law: “I had to kill that old man. Do you really want to go back to being the ‘Stupid Dancing Naked Family’ again?” ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/29 "2015-08-11T19:49:49Z")
Thanks for the memories, everybody. God, I miss those people. I could argue with myself forever over which ones were my favorites and there’s a lot of candidates for second place, but Lenny always comes in first. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/30 "2015-08-11T19:53:30Z")
Abby Carmichael: Gentlemen, please. That woman has a hole in her soul. Later: No deals for any of them. Let’s hang 'em all. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/31 "2015-08-12T13:56:29Z")
From Season 14 episode Floater: (Detectives arrive to a dead body found in the river) Ed Green: Hey, what you got? Medical Examiner: Female. Ed Green: Other than that - Age, race? Medical Examiner: I’m barely sure it’s human, Detective, body’s so decomp. Add in your fish and your crabs… Ed Green: Is she young, old? Medical Examiner: Like I said, see for yourself. Lennie Briscoe: Any prints? Medical Examiner: Fish ate her fingertips. Ed Green: Oooh, how long has she been in the water? Medical Examiner: …a while. Lennie Briscoe: Can you narrow it down a little? Medical Examiner: I would if I could but… Lennie Briscoe: Anything obvious? A bullet hole? Stab wounds? Medical Examiner: **Did I mention the eels?** ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/32 "2015-08-12T22:04:30Z")
Finn talking with a woman who knew who had stolen a tank of frozen embryos, believing they were “people” Woman: These embryos should be transplanted into women who will given birth, then they can be adopted. Finn: That ought to make a lot of gays and lesbians very happy. Woman: Oh, no. We only believe in adoption to the right people. Finn: Yeah. Straight, white, Christian, married couples. Woman: Oh, no, we’re not prejudiced! Christians come in all colors. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/33 "2015-08-13T03:03:14Z")
Green: There must be 10, 15 grand here. Where’d you get the money, Bobby? Bobby: Bite me! Briscoe: Go ahead. Bite him. ---
**Author:** ![ryan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@ryan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/34 "2015-08-13T08:58:14Z")
Briscoe in his first appearance, something like “Italians and Latinos kill for love, micks kill for money”. Rodgers;“Free javelins” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/35 "2015-08-13T11:14:07Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Casey Novak shows up at a judges house at night to get some kind of order signed and it turns out to be poker night and all the judges are there, and she says 'judge Rittenour,judge Petoskey, judge so and so, I had this dream before, but I was naked. ’ I’ve had the Casey Novak naked dream, too! My all-time favorite is from an episode of _Criminal Intent_: _[Goren is interrogating an obviously mentally-ill suspect]_ **Deakins** Anybody mirandize this guy? **Eames** He waived. **Deakins** Well, that’ll hold up. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/36 "2015-08-13T13:15:16Z")
Brisco says to some kid with corn rows, ’ we use the same barber. 'Another time he was arresting a conservation kid. ‘Hey trail mix you’re under arrest’ Love me some Lennie.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![BK1967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BK1967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BK1967)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2025, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/37 "2025-01-14T12:58:20Z")
Ben Stone : I think we ought to put stocks… two to a block, guarded and heated… all the way up and down Broadway. Anyone convicted of possession of crack has to sit in those stocks from sunup till sundown, with a dunce cap and clown nose… we’d clear up the problem in about six months. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![BK1967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BK1967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BK1967)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2025, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/38 "2025-01-14T16:28:47Z")
Logan & Briscoe: I don’t know, I feel like we’re chasing a ghost here. This guy Skulman’s probably dead. The rabbi wasn’t playing catch just to be nice. He practically said Skulman’s name sent Mrs. Steinmetz running. So what? I mean, we’re digging up stuff that happened 50 years ago. What the hell, it’s ancient history, Lennie. Hey, my old man was a GI in World War II. First regiment into Buchenwald. And he never forgot how he felt when he saw those people. I mean, he wasn’t religious, but he said after that day he believed in the devil. This stuff never went away, Mike. ---
**Author:** ![BK1967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BK1967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BK1967)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2025, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/39 "2025-01-14T16:31:22Z")
Arthur Branch to Serena: And when was the last time you ever picked up a ladle in a soup kitchen? Every Thanksgiving as a matter of fact. _One_ day a year, you and all the other limousine liberals so you can feel good about yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2025, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355/40 "2025-01-14T16:52:18Z")
> [@BK1967](#): > > _One_ day a year, you and all the other limousine liberals so you can feel good about yourselves. The one time I agreed with Branch. Serena really was blind to her own self, to the point of being insufferable. Jamie was accused (falsely, IMO) of being a dilettante, but Serena really was. Her best quote isn’t “Is this because I’m a lesbian?”, but the completely clueless “Good…good” respnse to Branch. It sums up her character completely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-law-order-quotes/727355.md?page=3)