# Best Limerick Ever **URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206 **Category:** In My Humble Opinion **Created:** [April 8, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206 "2001-04-08T01:04:53Z") **Posts on this page:** 20 **Page:** 1
### Author: ![Doctor\_Goo\_Fee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Doctor\_Goo\_Fee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Goo_Fee) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/1 "2001-04-08T01:04:53Z")
IMHO— this is tops for overall silliness… At breakfast one day in Calcutta Was a man with a bit of a stutta He said, “Pass the h-ham And the j-j-j-jam And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butta.” ---
### Author: ![DonQuixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@DonQuixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DonQuixote) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/2 "2001-04-08T02:54:08Z")
“There’s a train at four-four,” I said to Miss Jenny, “Four tickets I’ll take, have you any?” “Not four for four-four,” replied Miss Jenny, “For four for four-four is too many.” ---
### Author: ![Kerrigan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/49beb7/32.png) [@Kerrigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kerrigan) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/3 "2001-04-08T03:07:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doctor Goo Fee \* > \*\* > At breakfast one day in Calcutta > Was a man with a bit of a stutta > He said, “Pass the h-ham > And the j-j-j-jam > And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butta.” > > \*\* We sing this as a warm-up in my school choir, with some slight variation. “There once was a man from Calcutta, Who had the most terrible \ stutter. And he said, p-p-p-p-please pass The ch-ch ch-ch-ch-cheese And the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-BUU-b-b-b-b-b-b-b, \\ BUTTER!” ---
### Author: ![Sir\_Rhosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sir\_Rhosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Rhosis) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/4 "2001-04-08T03:19:37Z")
My favorite: There once was a young man from Poole Who discovered a red ring about his tool He went to the clinic Where the doctor, a cynic, Said, “It’s only lipstick, you fool.” Sir ---
### Author: ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/5 "2001-04-08T03:53:35Z")
It _must_ be included … There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long, he could suck it, He said, with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, “If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it.” ---
### Author: ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/6 "2001-04-08T04:20:35Z")
**Jack** : Thank you!!! Now I finally know what it is! ---
### Author: ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/7 "2001-04-08T04:51:44Z")
Well then, my mission in life is complete. ---
### Author: ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/8 "2001-04-08T05:35:25Z")
A very sad poet was Jenny. Her limericks weren’t worth a penny. In technique they were sound, Yet somehow she found Whenever she tried to write any She always wrote one line too many. OK. It’s not really a limerick, but it’s my favorite. ---
### Author: ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/9 "2001-04-08T05:42:10Z")
The definition of a limerick (which I first read in one of David Gerrold’s _War Against the Chtorr_ novels) is a favorite: A limerick of classic proportion Has rhyme, meter, and a portion Of humor quite lewd And a frightfully crude Impossible sexual contortion. ---
### Author: ![exchicagoan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@exchicagoan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/exchicagoan) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/10 "2001-04-08T05:42:25Z")
There was a young man of Madras Whose balls were constructed of brass. When jangled together They played “Stormy Weather,” And lightening shot out of his ass. ---
### Author: ![Bboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@Bboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bboy) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/11 "2001-04-08T06:04:05Z")
An ornery patient named Crass, refused to take needles or gas, the reason, he said, is that gas hurts my head… and shots are a pain in the _neck!_ A frustrated fellow named Stan, Whose limericks weren’t according to plan. If you ask him “What’s wrong?” He’ll say “They’re too long, because I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can.” ---
### Author: ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/12 "2001-04-08T13:44:32Z")
First let me explain that I’m cursed. I’m a poet whose time gets reversed. Reversed gets time Whose poet a I’m. Cursed I’m that explain me let first. ---
### Author: ![nikjohns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@nikjohns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikjohns) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/13 "2001-04-08T15:09:32Z")
There once was a lady called Jill Who ate an explosive pill They found her vagina In North Carolina And one of her tits in Brazil ---
### Author: ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/14 "2001-04-08T17:23:25Z")
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran off with a man, And as for the bucket, they took it. (I’m so square.) ---
### Author: ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/15 "2001-04-08T18:22:46Z")
there was an old man from darjeeling on a train ride from london to ealing the sign on the door said don’t spit on the floor so he carefully spat on the ceiling ---
### Author: ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/16 "2001-04-08T18:28:03Z")
there was an old man from darjeeling on a train ride from london to ealing the sign on the door said don’t spit on the floor so he carefully spat on the ceiling ---
### Author: ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/17 "2001-04-08T18:30:13Z")
DAMN!!! sorry about the double posting…i don’t know how i managed to pull that off…sorry! ---
### Author: ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/18 "2001-04-08T19:39:31Z")
The bustard’s an exquisite fowl With plenty of reason to howl. He escapes what would be Illegitimacy By grace of a fortunate vowel. **Jack Batty** : I second FireUnderpantsBoob’s thanks for contributing to our education. I have heard only the first line of that one for SO long… **nikjohns** : Oddly enough, I’ve never come across that particular word being rhymed with the name of my native state before. They’ll have to keep that one in mind if they decide to update the state song. ---
### Author: ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/19 "2001-04-08T21:06:29Z")
There once was a fellow from Yuma, Who told an elephant joke to a puma, Now his skeleton lies Under hot desert skies For the puma had no sense of hu-ma! ---
### Author: ![squib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@squib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squib) #### Post date: [April 8, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206/20 "2001-04-08T22:20:31Z")
Since you’re dusting off the oldies – The randy old Bishop of Birmingham Would bugger young boys whilst confirming 'em He’d whip out his rod As they knelt before God And pump his episcopal sperm in 'em. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-limerick-ever/61206.md?page=2)