# Best line in a Western? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 4, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279 "2010-05-04T13:48:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/21 "2010-05-04T15:21:38Z")
Jason Robards in _ **Once Upon a Time in the West** _: “You know, Jill, you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was, for an hour or for a month - he must have been a happy man.” From the same movie: Jack Elam: Frank sent us. Charles Bronson: Did you bring a horse for me? Jack Elam (chuckling, as he and his two henchmen prepare to gun down Bronson): Well, looks like we’re shy one horse. Charles Bronson (shaking his head): You brought two too many. ---
**Author:** ![Gordon\_Urquhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@Gordon\_Urquhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gordon_Urquhart)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/22 "2010-05-04T15:28:54Z")
From _Unforgiven_: **Will Munny:** Any man don’t wanna get killed, better clear on out the back. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/23 "2010-05-04T15:29:16Z")
“I don’t wanna kill you, and you don’t wanna be dead.” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/24 "2010-05-04T15:32:16Z")
“This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” And many from my favorite: “I’ve never made any secret of the fact that basically I’m on my way to Australia.” Joe Danby: What’s your name? Jason McCullough: Jason McCullough. What’s yours? Joe Danby: Joe Danby. And you had better remember it. Jason McCullough: Oh, I’ll remember it, Joe. That’s about all I’m gonna do the rest of my life is go around rememberin’ your name. Jason McCullough: [Fingering dented badge] That must have saved the life of whoever was wearin’ it. Mayor Olly Perkins: Well, it sure would have, if it hadn’t been for all them other bullets flyin’ in from everywhere. Mayor Olly Perkins: You interested in the job of sheriff? Jason McCullough: Oh, maybe. How much does it pay? Townsman: Well, none of our sheriffs ever lived long enough to find out. All from **Support Your Local Sheriff** ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/25 "2010-05-04T15:44:18Z")
In _The Professionals,_ upon determining that Grant deceived them about his Wife being kidnapped, Rico (Lee Marvin) refuses to carry out the contract of retrieving her. Grant calls Rico a bastard, and Rico replies as he mounts his horse, “Yes Sir, in my case an accident of birth. But you, Sir are a self made man.” and rides away. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/26 "2010-05-04T15:48:05Z")
_Support Your Local Gunfighter_: Latigo: This your office? Doc Schultz: I doctor pack mules, too. If you got a pain in the ass, you come see Doc Schultz. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/27 "2010-05-04T15:56:37Z")
“Get three coffins ready.” **Fistful of Dollars.** ---
**Author:** ![akira5822](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@akira5822](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akira5822)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/28 "2010-05-04T16:04:18Z")
Maybe not the coolest line in a western, But it always makes me laugh Mr. Rat, I have a writ here says you’re to stop eating Chin Lee’s cornmeal forthwith. Now it’s a rat writ, writ for a rat, and this is lawful service of the same. True Grit ---
**Author:** ![bafaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@bafaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bafaa)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/29 "2010-05-04T16:12:47Z")
Also from The Outlaw Josey Wales: You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/30 "2010-05-04T16:18:18Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > “Get three coffins ready.” > > **Fistful of Dollars.** “My mistake. Four coffins.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/31 "2010-05-04T16:18:36Z")
“You speakin’ to me?” ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/32 "2010-05-04T16:36:07Z")
\>I’m sad that there’s so much evil in your heart. \>It’s in my heart and in my hands, in my eyes - and a lot in my feet, I love kicking. Evil Roy Slade ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/33 "2010-05-04T16:43:32Z")
Harmonica: I saw three of these dusters a short time ago, they were waiting for a train. Inside the dusters, there were three men. (Cheyenne: So?) Harmonica: Inside the men, there were three bullets. -Once Upon a Time in the West About the importance of giving and keeping your word. Dutch Engstrom: That ain’t what counts! It’s who you give it _to_! -The Wild Bunch ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/34 "2010-05-04T16:52:02Z")
“You’re not a good guy at all!” “I’m a lawyer, you idiot!” **Rustler’s Rhapsody** ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/35 "2010-05-04T17:10:03Z")
Judge Roy Bean: [Bean apologizes to the marshals’ wives] I understand you have taken exception to my calling you whores. I’m sorry. I apologize. I ask you to note that I did not call you callous-ass strumpets, fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts. But I did say “whores.” No escaping that. And for that slip of the tongue, I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/36 "2010-05-04T17:23:03Z")
I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn’t know how to use it. ~Quigley Down Under shoots three people with a Colt revolver. It was assumed he didn’t know how to use it. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/37 "2010-05-04T17:31:13Z")
Shane! Come back! ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/38 "2010-05-04T17:36:54Z")
[Cole Younger and Sam Starr are about to fight over Belle] Cole Younger: What does the winner get? Belle Starr: Nothin’ both of you ain’t already had. Cole Younger: Don’t hardly seem worth it. Belle Starr: It ain’t. You’re both crazy, but you do keep me amused. I am having a _real_ good time. - **The Long Riders** ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/39 "2010-05-04T17:44:27Z")
And now for something different. I have never understood the romantic appeal of cowboys, frontiers men, Texans, etc.,. They always looked dirty, uneducated, and ill-mannered. Sure they are for fighting, killing or stealing cattle, but I never understood the appeal for women until I watched one scene in John Wayne’s Alamo movie. The scene is brief. I don’t know the actor’s name and he wasn’t handsome at all. The women and children are leaving the Alamo. The Texan men left behind more or less know at that point that most (if not all) of them are going to die. An Alamo soldier, he looks like a working class farmer, approaches a woman in a wagon, takes off his hat, and politely asks, “Mam, I ain’t got no woman to say good-bye to, could I say good-bye to you.” There is something about the way the actor says that line (and I don’t think he says anything else in the entire movie before or after) always sttuck me as being incredibly gallant and noble in the face of death. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/40 "2010-05-04T17:46:05Z")
I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do those things to other people and I require the same of them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=3)