# Best line in a Western? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 4, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279 "2010-05-04T13:48:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Red\_Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aca169/32.png) [@Red\_Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/41 "2010-05-04T17:54:47Z")
From The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door; those that come in by the window. Also: You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig. ---
**Author:** ![Lethal\_Babydoll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3be4f8/32.png) [@Lethal\_Babydoll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lethal_Babydoll)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/42 "2010-05-04T18:30:10Z")
**Gunfight at the O.K. Corral:** The men best able to testify about my aim ain’t around to comment **Support Your Local Sheriff:** It’s bad enough to have to kill a man without having to listen to a whole lot of stupid talk from him first. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/43 "2010-05-04T18:46:50Z")
From **The Outlaw Josie Wales** **Lone Watie** : How did you know which one was goin’ to shoot first? **Josie Wales** : Well, that one in the center: he had a flap holster and he was in no itchin’ hurry. And the one second from the left: he had scared eyes, he wasn’t gonna do nothin’. But that one on the far left: he had crazy eyes. Figured him to make the first move. **Lone Watie** : How 'bout the one on the right? **Josie Wales** : Never paid him no mind; you were there. \*\*Lone Watie \*\*(after a very, very long pause): I could have missed. \*\*The Outlaw Josie Wales \*\*is the Buckaroo Banzai of westerns when it comes to great lines. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/44 "2010-05-04T18:47:44Z")
“We all die. Just a question of when.” - **Hombre** ---
**Author:** ![infinitii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e8c25b/32.png) [@infinitii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/infinitii)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/45 "2010-05-04T19:00:08Z")
“Every gun makes its own tune.” - **The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly** ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/46 "2010-05-04T19:12:35Z")
Great lines in Cowboy, with Jack Lemmon: Tom Reese: And all that hogwash about horses! The loyalty of the horse! The intelligence of the horse! The intelligence? You know a horse has a brain just about the size of a walnut. They’re mean, they’re treacherous and they’re stupid. There isn’t a horse born that had enough sense to move away from a hot fire. No sensible man loves a horse. He tolerates the filthy animal only because riding is better than walking. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/47 "2010-05-04T19:12:42Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > “…wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices; the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money and contrary to the laws of this state the condemned is guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused before us, Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez and any other aliases he might have, to hang by the neck until dead… may God have mercy on his soul… proceed.” AND [QUOTE=Tim R. Mortiss] “Get three coffins ready.” [/QUOTE] [Medicine Show](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_is_Big_Audio_Dynamite#Samples_used_on_the_album)! ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/48 "2010-05-04T19:15:14Z")
Shane: So you’re Jack Wilson. Wilson: What’s that mean to you, Shane? Shane: I’ve heard about you. Wilson: What have you heard, Shane? Shane: (Lowers voice and delivers this line unlike any way he’s talked in the movie before) I’ve heard that you’re a low-down Yankee liar. Wilson: (Smiles, long pause): Prove it. ([Whole scene](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFquzxwYoeE)) ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/49 "2010-05-04T19:16:30Z")
Tombstone, after Kurt Russell smacks around Billy Bob Thornton: "_You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?"_ And one of my favorite scenes from _Outlaw Josey Wales_ is when the bounty hunter comes in and recognizes Wales, and Wales talks him out of throwing down with him, and the bounty hunter walks out of the saloon. A few seconds later, the bounty hunter walks back in the bar and says, "_I had to come back."_ To which Wales responds, “_I know._” ---
**Author:** ![FordTaurusSHO94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f07891/32.png) [@FordTaurusSHO94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordTaurusSHO94)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/50 "2010-05-04T19:20:14Z")
I quote Doc Holliday from Tombstone all the time: “I’ll not be a part of that.” “I’m afraid we must redefine the nature of our association.” ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/51 "2010-05-04T19:24:22Z")
John Wayne in _McLintock!_ (1963): > [@](#): > > I know, I know. I’m gonna use good judgement. I haven’t lost my temper in forty years. But pilgrim, you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed… and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won’t, I won’t. > > The _hell_ I won’t! > [belts him in the mouth] ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/52 "2010-05-04T20:43:49Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > “Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!” **True Grit** It’s all in the delivery. To see it written it’s a very ponderous “Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!”. But, hear it spoken, and it is the much lighter “Fill youre hands, you sonofabitch!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/53 "2010-05-04T20:59:17Z")
“I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.” ain’t bad, either. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/54 "2010-05-04T21:00:53Z")
_The Searchers_: Ethan: I found Lucy back in the canyon. I wrapped her in my coat. Buried her with my own hands. I thought it best to keep it from you. Brad: Did they… Was she…? Ethan: What do you want me to do? Draw you a picture? Spell it out? Don’t ever ask me! As long as you live, don’t ever ask me more! ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/55 "2010-05-04T21:45:37Z")
> [@FordTaurusSHO94](#): > > I quote Doc Holliday from Tombstone all the time: > > “I’ll not be a part of that.” > > “I’m afraid we must redefine the nature of our association.” “I’m your huckleberry.” ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/56 "2010-05-04T23:22:48Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > “I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man.” ain’t bad, either. 🙂 No indeed. I use that one around the house from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2010, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/57 "2010-05-04T23:37:17Z")
“Best shot I ever saw” “The worst. I was aiming for the horse” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/58 "2010-05-05T02:41:15Z")
Chamlee: I don’t like it, no sir. I’ve always treated every man the same: just as another, future customer. Henry: Well in that case, get that hearse rolling. Chamlee: I can’t, my driver’s quit! Robert: He’s prejudiced too, huh? Chamlee: Well, when it comes to a chance of getting his head blown off, he’s downright bigoted. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/59 "2010-05-05T03:07:25Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > “We all die. Just a question of when.” - **Hombre** Russell - “Hey! I’ve got a question.” Grimes - “Yeah?” Russell - “How are you going to get down that hill?” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/60 "2010-05-05T03:17:49Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > Russell - “Hey! I’ve got a question.” > > Grimes - “Yeah?” > > Russell - “How are you going to get down that hill?” Yeah, that was good! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=4)