# Best line in a Western? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 4, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279 "2010-05-04T13:48:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/141 "2016-05-21T23:44:23Z")
From **A Million Ways to Die in the West** : Anna: You’re a good sheep farmer! Albert: Oh my god, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can’t keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week. Anna: Really? Albert: Yeah. Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2016, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/142 "2016-05-21T23:46:20Z")
> [@denquixote](#): > > Certainly not the best line ever, but it seems kind of relevant. > > Henry Gatewood: [clutching valise with embezzled funds] I can’t get over the impertinence of that young lieutenant. I’ll make it warm for that shake-tail! I’ll report him to Washington - we pay taxes to the government and what do we get? Not even protection from the army! I don’t know what the government is coming to. Instead of protecting businessmen, it pokes its nose into business! Why, they’re even talking now about having _bank_ examiners. As if we bankers don’t know how to run our own banks! Why, at home I have a letter from a popinjay official saying they were going to inspect my books. I have a slogan that should be blazoned on every newspaper in this country: America for the Americans! The government must not interfere with business! Reduce taxes! Our national debt is something shocking. Over one billion dollars a year! What this country needs is a businessman for president! And that movie came out in 1939. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/143 "2016-05-22T00:53:43Z")
The War Wagon, John Wayne and Kirk Douglas. As they go into the saloon, two guys sneak up behind them. They turn and shoot the Bad Guys. Kirk Douglas: “Mine hit the ground first.” John Wayne: “Mine was taller.” ---
**Author:** ![phantom\_lamb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@phantom\_lamb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phantom_lamb)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/144 "2016-05-22T01:01:00Z")
My personal favorite, from _Unforgiven_. Some guy: “You just shot an unarmed man!” Will Munny: "Well, he should have armed himself if he’s going to decorate his saloon with my friend. " ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/145 "2016-05-22T01:29:39Z")
> [@phantom\_lamb](#): > > My personal favorite, from _Unforgiven_. > > Some guy: “You just shot an unarmed man!” > Will Munny: "Well, he should have armed himself if he’s going to decorate his saloon with my friend. " Yes, that is good. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/146 "2016-05-22T02:33:34Z")
Blazing Saddles “What did he say?” “He said the Sheriff is near!” ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/147 "2016-05-22T02:37:43Z")
I missed this the first time through? “Let’s go.” William Holden. “Why not?” Warren Oates. Evil giggles by Ernest Borgnine. _The Wild Bunch_, summing up the movie in a handful of words. Why are the greatest American movies Westerns? Okay, I’ve been around the history of American popular culture long enough to know this, but what are the thoughts of others? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/148 "2016-05-22T02:42:59Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > Blazing Saddles > > “What did he say?” > > “He said the Sheriff is near!” 🙂 The censored line from that film: Lily von Stuppe: “It’s twue! It’s weally twue!” Sheriff: “ma’am, that’s my elbow.” BTW, stuppe is Yiddish for “fuck”. ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2016, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/149 "2016-05-22T05:56:01Z")
In Silverado, does John Cleese as the sheriff entering the saloon say, “What’s all this, then?” If not he should have. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/150 "2016-05-23T16:07:50Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > The War Wagon, John Wayne and Kirk Douglas. > As they go into the saloon, two guys sneak up behind them. They turn and shoot the Bad Guys. > > Kirk Douglas: “Mine hit the ground first.” > > John Wayne: “Mine was taller.” You must really like that line… you made that same quote six years ago (in post #20)! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/151 "2016-05-23T17:09:21Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > You must really like that line… you made that same quote six years ago (in post #20)! 😉 You keep track of that? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/152 "2016-05-23T17:13:29Z")
“We deal in lead, friend.” “You’re a low-down yankee liar!” “Prove it.” Anyone that doesn’t recognize either reference should be escorted from the Dope. Immediately. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/153 "2016-05-23T17:24:12Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#): > > “We deal in lead, friend.” > > “You’re a low-down yankee liar!” > “Prove it.” > > Anyone that doesn’t recognize either reference should be escorted from the Dope. Immediately. Why does Jack Palance have two pistols and one glove? I believe that it is “I hear that you’re a low-down Yankee liar”. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/154 "2016-05-23T17:58:08Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > You keep track of that? 🙂 Heh. I went back and read the whole thread. (It’s only four pages of memorable quotes!) I therefore managed to prevent myself from repeating a quote I wanted to make, which is _my_ favorite western line. (I was going to pull a quote from the _Magnificent Seven_.) ---
**Author:** ![justmeetee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@justmeetee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justmeetee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/155 "2016-05-23T18:12:41Z")
John ( Jimmy Stewart)“Harley, I’d like to talk to ya if you got a minute.” Harley ( Henry Fonda) “Sure John” John “Ahh, you told me that story about twice now. Once last week, and then once before when we were about 500 miles south of here. D…d…do ya know where we are now Harley?” Harley " Not exactly." John " We’re in Wyoming Territory. I wouldn’t mention it but you been talkin’ all the way from Texas." Harley “I just been keepin’ ya company, John.” John " Well I appreciate it Harley and I don’t mind it too much for the first hundred miles, but Harley, you been talkin’ for a thousand miles." Harley " I’m sorry John. Ya shoulda told me." The Cheyenne Social Club ---
**Author:** ![Gordon\_Urquhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@Gordon\_Urquhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gordon_Urquhart)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/156 "2016-05-23T18:13:33Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > Heh. I went back and read the whole thread. (It’s only four pages of memorable quotes!) I therefore managed to prevent myself from repeating a quote I wanted to make, which is _my_ favorite western line. (I was going to pull a quote from the _Magnificent Seven_.) I was about to post a Will Munny line from \*Unforgiven \*(we watched it on Netflix over the weekend), but decided to check to see if someone else had already used it. Yep: **Gordon Urquhart** in post #22, six years ago. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/157 "2016-05-23T18:40:36Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Why does Jack Palance have two pistols and one glove? > > I believe that it is “I hear that you’re a low-down Yankee liar”. 'cause he’s so fast, he only needs one hand to fire both pistols. I think the line is slightly different when Torrey says it than when Shane does. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/158 "2016-05-23T19:11:02Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#): > > 'cause he’s so fast, he only needs one hand to fire both pistols. Thanks for clearing that up. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/159 "2016-05-23T19:25:17Z")
One of Jebediah Nightlinger’s lines was quoted earlier, but the whole of it: > [@](#): > > I regret trifling with married women. I’m thoroughly ashamed at cheating at cards. I deplore my occasional departures from the truth. Forgive me for taking your name in vain, my Saturday drunkenness, my Sunday sloth. Above all, forgive me for the men I’ve killed in anger…and this I am about to! And, speaking to the Madam of the wagon load of prostitutes: > [@](#): > > Jebediah Nightlinger: My name is Nightlinger, and I’m in charge of these boys. > Mrs. Kate Collingwood: My name is Mrs. Collingwood, and I’m, uh… in charge of these girls. > Jebediah Nightlinger: I just heard from a highly exited youngster that there were some soiled doves winging through here. > Mrs. Kate Collingwood: [laughing] Well… what do you want from me? > Jebediah Nightlinger: Madam, you know young boys… they dream of golden skin and unbound hair. Even if I could lock them up they would find a way of getting here. > Mrs. Kate Collingwood: There is very little I could do about that. > Jebediah Nightlinger: I’m sure you would handle everything most tastefully. It’s a question of, uh… waiting for a more appropriate time in their lives. Perhaps it would be wiser to wait until next year… or even the year after. > Mrs. Kate Collingwood: With any luck, I’ll be retired by then. Well… the first time should be in the back of a buggy with a… girl that they think they’re in love with. Alright… we’ll move on. > Jebediah Nightlinger: You are a charming and sensible lady. > Mrs. Kate Collingwood: What about you? > Jebediah Nightlinger: Well, I have the inclination… the maturity… and the wherewithal… but unfortunately, I don’t have the time. > [Both laugh] ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2016, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279/160 "2016-05-23T19:58:21Z")
Lee Marvin to Kay Lenz in **Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday:** (a vastly under-rated film) [Sam rebuffs the romantic advances of Thursday] \ ***Thursday:** Where are you going, Sam? **Sam Longwood:** I’m going into town to get my money from Jack Colby and then get shed of the bunch of ya! I’ve been shot five times, knifed twice, bit on the ass by a pig, stomped on by a horse and sat on by a mule and once, in the winter of '91, a grizzly chewed off my big toe. And I’ve survived two avalanches, three blizzards, five Indian uprisings and seven Presidential elections, but I’ve never been owned by no woman nor dog…and I’ve come too far down the road to let it happen to me now.\* [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-line-in-a-western/538279.md?page=9)