# Best Marge Simpson lines... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 23, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190 "2003-10-23T20:39:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2003, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/21 "2003-10-26T04:20:45Z")
Not Lenny, not Lenny! ---
**Author:** ![threeorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@threeorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threeorange)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/22 "2003-10-26T04:48:35Z")
“My family has a greatness that can’t be seen by others. And if it’s not true greatness, we’re at least average.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/23 "2003-10-27T07:42:26Z")
**Johnny Q** : Bart: Mom, what if there’s a really bad crummy guy who’s going to jail but I know he’s innocent? Marge: Well, Bart, your uncle Arthur used to have a saying: “Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out.” Unfortunately, one day put his theory into practice. It took 75 federal marshals to bring him down. Now let’s never speak of him again. [hums as she dusts] Bart: Mom. …Mom. …Mom! Marge: Huh? Bart: What if I can get this guy off the hook? Should – should I do it? Marge: Honey, you should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did one grey December morn. I also like: “He went from stinking rich to just plain stinking!” ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/24 "2003-10-27T09:24:15Z")
Bart, please don’t use the ‘touch of death’ on your sister. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/25 "2003-10-27T14:43:57Z")
Marge: (on seeing that Marge Flanders’ closet contains not one, not two but THREE pairs of shoes) Someone has a fetish! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/26 "2003-10-27T15:32:00Z")
M: Bart NOOOOOO! Bart: Mom, I’m right here. M: Sorry, force of habit. LISA NOOOOO! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/27 "2003-10-27T17:19:09Z")
“I’d like to visit that Long Island place. If only it were real…” [After getting drunk off of Long Island Ice Teas] ---
**Author:** ![criminalcatalog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@criminalcatalog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/criminalcatalog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/28 "2003-10-27T18:18:08Z")
“Music is none of my business.” ---
**Author:** ![Spurious\_George](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Spurious\_George](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spurious_George)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/29 "2003-10-27T20:05:17Z")
(From a Treehouse of Horror ep, I think after Bart and Lisa discover “Hugo” in the attic.) “I am completely dissapointed and terrifed.” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/30 "2003-10-27T21:20:02Z")
Thought of two more good Marge moments: After Maggie has found Mr. Burns’es “Bobo” bear, and the rest of the family argue about how much the reward should be: “I’m SURE Mr. Burns will offer us a very nice reward…(pause)…And then we’ll tell him to double it!” Surprised looks from the family “Well I’m tired of being the nice guy in the family, I can be greedy too sometimes!” * * * From the Springfield prohibition episode, just after Homer has confessed to being the Springfield “beer baron”: Marge: “Homer…(pause, as everyone expects a stern, chasting lecture from Marge)…that was clever! Very, very clever!” Lisa: “Mom?!?” Marge: Well it is, you’re father’s come up with some wild ideas in his time, but this is the cleverest idea he’s ever had!" ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/31 "2003-10-28T00:36:41Z")
Scorpio episode: “I’m drinking a glass of wine a day! I know the doctor’s say you should drink one and half glasses but I just can’t drink that much!” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/32 "2003-10-28T05:40:50Z")
Homer (after Marge has told him that he has a problem with anger): I do not. Marge: Sure you do. You’re punching the cat right now. (Camera shows Homer’s face, then pulls back to reveal him holding Snowball II in his hand, and punching it with his other fist) ---
**Author:** ![Shadez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Shadez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadez)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/33 "2003-10-28T05:48:17Z")
When she was trying to get over her fear of flying: [running back and forth very quickly] Lemme off! Lemme off! Lemme off! Lemme off! ---
**Author:** ![cantara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6f9a4e/32.png) [@cantara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cantara)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/34 "2003-10-29T13:25:52Z")
Looking through bag from Quickie Mart with enema bag, porn, condoms etc. “I don’t know what you have planned for this evening Homer, but you can count me out.” (sorry, widly paraphrased from my fractured memory…but the gist is right) ---
**Author:** ![YoudNeverGuess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a587f6/32.png) [@YoudNeverGuess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YoudNeverGuess)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/35 "2003-10-29T13:54:39Z")
M: Well if loving your kids is lame then I guess I’m just a big lame Bart: Mom it’s lame to be proud of being lame (or something like that) ---
**Author:** ![Mazikeen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a9a28c/32.png) [@Mazikeen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mazikeen)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/36 "2003-10-29T14:02:55Z")
“Fruit is nature’s candy!” (from a Treehouse of Horror episode, I believe.) ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Blunty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Captain\_Blunty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Blunty)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/37 "2003-10-29T14:05:25Z")
In a slow voice, as if she’s speaking to a child: “Now Homer, don’t you eat this pie…” ---
**Author:** ![YoudNeverGuess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a587f6/32.png) [@YoudNeverGuess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YoudNeverGuess)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/38 "2003-10-29T14:06:47Z")
Oh - thought of another one from the clip show where they’re telling old stories from their lives about love and Homer’s just finished telling the story about Mindy. One of the kids: But what ever happened to Mindy? Marge (angrily): Yes! What _did_ happen to Mindy? Homer: ‘Oh, she never got over it and became an alcoholic’ (or something to that effect…) Marge: Hm - Good! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/39 "2003-10-29T22:24:53Z")
I just need a little LSD: love for son and daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190/40 "2003-10-30T02:34:45Z")
I think this is from one of the future episodes, or at least one where they have a flash forward. Anyway, Homer is dead and at his funeral, Marge cries out, “I wish they had never invented fried cheese!” I had another good one, but it just slipped my mind. Hopefully it’ll come back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-marge-simpson-lines/209190.md?page=3)