# Best martial arts bulls\*\*t ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430 "2007-09-25T15:45:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/1 "2007-09-25T15:45:47Z")
I’ve gotta say, I’ve seen my share of misguided, misinformed, macho martial arts bullshit, most more hilarious than not… and [this](http://www.ninjutsu.com/shihan-van-donk.shtml) guy takes the cake. It took me a bit to assure myself that it wasn’t a joke site… I’m not sure whether my favorite part is his long litany of random places that he’s traveled to make himself spiritual, the various “warrior names” and “spiritual names” he gives himself, or the picture splashed across every page on the site featuring him, his poorly maintained beard, an awful costume, and a katana. Note that I’m reasonably sure this site _is_ the best martial arts BS page, since I can personally attest to the fact that everything on [Real Ultimate Power](http://www.realultimatepower.net/) is true. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Figaro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ea666f/32.png) [@Figaro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Figaro)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/2 "2007-09-25T16:29:32Z")
I enjoy this line from the “Personal Information” section: > [@](#): > > He is happily married to his wife Linda\* Why the asterisk? There is no footnote explaining anything about Linda. Does Linda require a disclaimer? Does she come with exceptions, or side-effects? Is Linda not her real name?!? I must know! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/3 "2007-09-25T16:35:06Z")
[QUOTE=Figaro] I must know! :smack: [/QUOTE] From Linda’s personal page: > [@](#): > > she has received certifications in Reiki, several massage schools, and lymphology She is certified in Silva Mind Control, brain mind sciences, Hypnotherapy, Kriya Yoga, and NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) at the trainer level. She has explored skydiving, firewalking, hot springs, burningman, music festivals, and Goddess events. I love a Renaissance woman! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/4 "2007-09-25T16:41:07Z")
No, you don’t get it. Linda\* is her name. The asterisk is silent. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/5 "2007-09-25T16:44:41Z")
How does one get certified in mind control? That sounds like it could be useful. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/6 "2007-09-25T16:46:33Z")
I like that he has both a slogan, and a motto. I bet he is hard at work on his Mission Statement. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/7 "2007-09-25T16:47:12Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] How does one get certified in mind control? That sounds like it could be useful. [/QUOTE] Send me one thousand dollars. …and yes, it is. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/8 "2007-09-25T16:49:21Z")
If it was \*Linda then it would be a reconstruction from Proto-Indo-European. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/9 "2007-09-25T16:50:36Z")
[QUOTE=Figaro] Why the asterisk? There is no footnote explaining anything about Linda. Does Linda require a disclaimer? Does she come with exceptions, or side-effects? Is Linda not her real name?!? I must know! :smack: [/QUOTE] He was widely accused (though nothing was ever proven) of using steroids for a five-year stretch of their marriage. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/10 "2007-09-25T16:53:58Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] How does one get certified in mind control? That sounds like it could be useful. [/QUOTE] Ignore **Jurph’s** post. Send _me_ 1,200 euros. Do it **NOW**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/11 "2007-09-25T16:55:31Z")
Figaro, dangermom, you guys made me start giggling in the middle of my soda. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/12 "2007-09-25T16:55:33Z")
From “What Others are Saying About Us”: > [@](#): > > I feel blessed to have positioned myself in the same universe with such geniuses as you He _positioned himself in the right universe_? I certainly hope he got fast-tracked to the advanced class. I’m glad Lin!da has explored firewalking, the mark of a true professional. I wouldn’t want to deal with any kooks. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/13 "2007-09-25T17:11:13Z")
[QUOTE=Bayard] I’m glad Lin!da has explored firewalking, the mark of a true professional. I wouldn’t want to deal with any kooks. [/QUOTE] And she’s been to Burning Man. If I wanted a black belt in “being naked, smoking weed and leaving trash on the ground,” I would know exactly where to go. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/14 "2007-09-25T17:15:04Z")
I like how the lefthand navigation says “What News” instead of “What’s New.” What News indeed! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/15 "2007-09-25T17:19:47Z")
The guy is a bigamist. Not only is he “happily married to his wife Linda\* and has grown children, Danny a Golf Pro and Kimberly a college undergraduate Speech Therapy student.” BUT “He is married to his lovely wife, Linda… and has two children Danny (Golf Pro) and Kim (Speach Therapist College student working on her masters).” He gave one wife an asterisk to distinguish between them. Not only that, but he named the kids the same to avoid detection. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/16 "2007-09-25T17:20:05Z")
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire: [The Society of Enlightened Warriors](http://www.enlightenedwarriors.com/home.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/17 "2007-09-25T17:22:19Z")
And what the heck is lymphology? A google search turned up one [guy](http://www.speedhealing.com/) who seems like wingding, but a bunch of other sites that didn’t look too bizarre. When I put it into the search box at webmd, I got nothing. So, I’m guessing pseudoscience. Anybody heard of it? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/18 "2007-09-25T17:27:55Z")
[QUOTE=Bayard] And what the heck is lymphology? A google search turned up one [guy](http://www.speedhealing.com/) who seems like wingding, but a bunch of other sites that didn’t look too bizarre. When I put it into the search box at webmd, I got nothing. So, I’m guessing pseudoscience. Anybody heard of it? [/QUOTE] It’s probably on the same level as his wife’s expertise in “brain mind sciences.” I understand she originally wanted to get a degree in skin dermatology but she couldn’t pass a required course in numbers math. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/19 "2007-09-25T17:32:20Z")
Damn right Linda\* has side effects with those credentials. **Warning:** Linda\* may cause Headaches, drowsiness, loss of consciousness, dizziness, memory loss, loss of motor functions, emotional distress, loss of sanity and Doing Shit You Have No Memory Of, for reasons you cannot explain. So do you think that she thinks of him as a puppet on a string? I mean, with all that kind of training, she is most definitely a Manipulative Bitch ™. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/20 "2007-09-25T17:41:11Z")
His warrior name is “Yee Ha”? Has he got a grey belt on the classical southern art of Rebel Yell? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430.md?page=2)