# Best martial arts bulls\*\*t ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430 "2007-09-25T15:45:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/21 "2007-09-25T18:24:28Z")
Um, come on guys… This is clearly a joke. [This guy](http://www.ninjutsu.com/images/van.jpg) is clearly just [Doug Flutie](http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/images/sports/photos/2006/05/15/flutie-doug-cp-060515.jpg) out to get some laughs. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/22 "2007-09-25T18:28:27Z")
Yeah, my clothes are all aflutter from the whooshing in this thread. I mean, really? Dick van Donk? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/23 "2007-09-25T18:31:28Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > His warrior name is “Yee Ha”? Has he got a grey belt on the classical southern art of Rebel Yell? Another of his warrior names is Mr. Happy, about which the less said, the better. But seriously, fifteenth dan? Gotta give him credit for stones, that’s the highest fake rank I’ve ever heard about. A word to the wise - any claim that you have any connection with > [@](#): > > the World Head of Family Sokeship Council is a bad sign. Regards, 百及び第50 dan ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/24 "2007-09-25T18:47:47Z")
I like that the “What News” button goes to the “What’s New” site 🙂 Kind of a Zen riddle there… Seriously, as martial arts sites and orgs go, this is actually one of the more restrained ninjutsu pages out there. You should check out Stephen Hayes’ stuff, what a nut! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/25 "2007-09-25T18:49:16Z")
Now, _clearly_ someone has to challenge him to a duel… ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/26 "2007-09-25T18:51:33Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Now, _clearly_ someone has to challenge him to a duel… [/QUOTE] … preferably our very own **ArrMatey**? :dubious: (that’s an eyepatch-wearing smiley) ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/27 "2007-09-25T20:15:11Z")
[QUOTE=GargoyleWB] You should check out Stephen Hayes’ stuff, what a nut! [/QUOTE] I dunno, Hayes’ site is pretty awful, but it seems like he has a rational agenda: taking money from people who don’t know any better. Dick Van Donk, the bastard son of La Femme Nikita and John Cleese, just seems to be mildly nuts. Who was that guy in the 90s who wrote all of those hilarious books about ninjas? I remember him coming up with all of this hilariously bad ninja lore, and going on about how ninjas would raid each others’ camps and use secret spy-ring pressure points to maim, kill, and brainwash each other with the power of their mind. The books allegedly told you how to do these things, so judging by the diagrams the secret to brainwashing people is really, really bad karate performed in black pajamas. [Ashida Kim](http://ashidakim.com/), that was the guy! Looking at his website I would swear it’s a whoosh, but apparently he takes himself seriously… [QUOTE=Ashida Kim] We have encountered not a few individuals who, by their bad behavior as well as shabby and rude treatment of others, warrant some attention. In the first book we did on Ninjitsu, we included a Mandamus, a warning, never to steal this knowledge, lest the thief incur the wrath of our astral spies and occult guards, which are everywhere. And how true that warning is. For you and I, my friends, are those spies and guards. And now is the time to deliver our wrath. Therefore, posted on this site, shall be the names of those who have offended our most noble Brotherhood and the reasons for their dishonor, and the action we shall ask you to take against them, so that all will know how they have earned this disfavor and the justification of the penalty they have incurred. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/28 "2007-09-25T20:57:13Z")
[QUOTE=Figaro] Why the asterisk? There is no footnote explaining anything about Linda. Does Linda require a disclaimer? Does she come with exceptions, or side-effects? Is Linda not her real name?!? [/QUOTE] Please, leave **Linda** \* alone, okay? There was an accident involving a throwing star, the family doesn’t like to talk about it. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/29 "2007-09-25T21:01:10Z")
OK, here is the awesomeness that is Ashida Kim. This is from the section on his open “$10,000 Challenge.” Watch for the abrupt change in voice about 4/5 of the way through: 😛 > [@Ashida Kim](#): > > Now, I do not make this Challenge lightly. Nor with belligerence toward anyone. I have proven myself to myself many times and I know that the true test is getting up each day to joyfully participate in the sorrow that is one’s life. What these Challenges want is to do that, to prove themselves to themselves to overcome their own insecurity and have self-confidence. And, I say unto all of you that this journey is an internal one. That peace and harmony come from within, not by imposing your will on a world that will not change to suit you, but will continue to change in spite of you. But rather by making this inner journey and facing your own dark side. That is the lesson of all religions, of which martial arts is but one. Of which Ninjitsu is but a part, of which I am but an infinitesimal speck. Certainly not worthy of all this bluster and rancor. I have never done anything to any of you people. All I have done is try to perfect my own character, live a fair and honest life, and share what little I have learned with those who have gone to the great trouble of seeking it out. For this crime I have been called a fake and a charlatan by those have no idea where I have been or the things I have done. I have been robbed by my publishers, cheated by the government, and endured the slings and arrows of those who have not one-tenth my skill. I have not asked anyone to accept what I say as The Truth, only as A Truth. I have demanded no tribute, conquered no lands, imprisoned no people. I am the innocent victim of attack by those who cannot or will not behave in a civilized manner. So, if you write in popping off at the mouth, looking for a lesson, you’ve have come to the right place. I don’t take tests, because I have nothing to prove. I give tests, because I am a Teacher, and have State certification to prove it! So, if you want a piece of my ass, come on up and get you a bite, 'cause I got plenty. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, however. 'Cause you ain’t seen bad yet, but, it’s coming. You put up the money and I shall be most happy to embarrass you in front of all your friends. 'Nuff said." ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/30 "2007-09-25T21:18:46Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] OK, here is the awesomeness that is Ashida Kim. This is from the section on his open “$10,000 Challenge.” Watch for the abrupt change in voice about 4/5 of the way through: 😛 [/QUOTE] That website is a stitch. This guy is nuts. He reminds me of that guy who used to advertise his books in the backs of comic books. The dude with the afro who used to run ads calling himself “The most dangerous man in the world” and gave a list of martial arts styles in which he claimed to have beaten people in “death matches?” Does anyone else remember those ads? Called himself “Count” something? Now that I think of it, I’m really curious who that dude was and whether there really were any death matches. When I was like in 5th grade, my friends and I accepted those ads as a valid cite that death matches really must occur somewhere. We were imagining some kind of _Return of the Dragon_ scenario on some remote island. Obviously, that was absurd…or was it? ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/31 "2007-09-25T21:36:15Z")
Check out this puzzle on Kim’s site that has “defied Western science for centuries” Please note that this is not an electronic trick, that the page can be printed and the puzzle cut out. [http://www.dojopress.com/tvn.html](http://www.dojopress.com/tvn.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/32 "2007-09-25T21:47:15Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] How does one get certified in mind control? That sounds like it could be useful. [/QUOTE] The beauty of it is that there is no formalized process to become certified in mind control - you receive your certification when the council feels compelled to give it to you. ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/33 "2007-09-25T21:54:06Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] That website is a stitch. This guy is nuts. He reminds me of that guy who used to advertise his books in the backs of comic books. The dude with the afro who used to run ads calling himself “The most dangerous man in the world” and gave a list of martial arts styles in which he claimed to have beaten people in “death matches?” Does anyone else remember those ads? Called himself “Count” something? Now that I think of it, I’m really curious who that dude was and whether there really were any death matches. When I was like in 5th grade, my friends and I accepted those ads as a valid cite that death matches really must occur somewhere. We were imagining some kind of _Return of the Dragon_ scenario on some remote island. Obviously, that was absurd…or was it? [/QUOTE] Here ya go: [Count Dante](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_Dante). Never heard of the guy myself, but found the link reading about Kim (who has a beef with the Wikipedia founder) on Wiki. Doesn’s say anything about death matches, but it seems one of the Count’s henchmen was killed in a real life dojo battle in Chicago. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/34 "2007-09-25T21:58:24Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] That website is a stitch. This guy is nuts. He reminds me of that guy who used to advertise his books in the backs of comic books. The dude with the afro who used to run ads calling himself “The most dangerous man in the world” and gave a list of martial arts styles in which he claimed to have beaten people in “death matches?” Does anyone else remember those ads? Called himself “Count” something? [/QUOTE] [Count Dante, the Deadliest Man Alive!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_Dante) Join his Black Dragon Fighting Society and the [World’s Deadliest Fighting Secrets Can Be Yours!!](http://www.yachigusaryu.com/blog/2007/04/count-dante-dim-mak-ad.html) Learn to maim, mutilate, and disfifur! > [@](#): > > “Yes, this is the DEADLIEST and most TERRIFYING fighting art known to man — and WITHOUT EQUAL. It’s MAIMING, MUTILATING, DISFIFURING, PARALYZING and CRIPPLING techniques are known by only a few people in the world. An expert at DIM MAK could easily kill many Judo, Karate, Aikido, and Gung Fu experts at one time with only finger tip pressure using his murderous POISON HAND WEAPONS. Instructing you step by step thru each move in this manual is none other than COUNT DANTE – THE DEADLIEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED.” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/35 "2007-09-25T22:07:27Z")
[Silva Mind Control](http://www.amazon.com/Silva-Mind-Control-Method/dp/0671739891/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-4071462-4793634?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190757585&sr=1-1) They aren’t talking about controlling the minds of others - they are talking about controlling your own. I found the book in a bargain bin a few years ago. It was interesting, but I never finished it. One of the claims he makes is to teach you ESP. I didn’t learn that. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/36 "2007-09-25T22:13:14Z")
[QUOTE=Khadaji] [Silva Mind Control](http://www.amazon.com/Silva-Mind-Control-Method/dp/0671739891/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-4071462-4793634?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190757585&sr=1-1) [/QUOTE] [Not to be confused with these guys](http://tutoring.sylvanlearning.com/index.cfm) ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/37 "2007-09-25T22:18:12Z")
Interesting story about Count Dante from some newspaper called the Chicago Reader: [The Life and Death of the Deadliest Man Alive](http://www.chicagoreader.com/features/stories/countdante/). ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/38 "2007-09-25T22:21:45Z")
Count Dante, that’s the guy. Thanks. Some further Googling tells me that he used to stage some no-holds-barred, ultimate fighting type tournaments but I can’t find anything about literal death matches. He seems to have been kind of an interesting character, though. I’m mildly surprised to see that he does seem to have been fairly legit in a number of different styles. He was a flamboyant self-promoter but not a total fraud. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/39 "2007-09-25T22:28:39Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] Interesting story about Count Dante from some newspaper called the Chicago Reader: [The Life and Death of the Deadliest Man Alive](http://www.chicagoreader.com/features/stories/countdante/). [/QUOTE] Very interesting article. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430/40 "2007-09-25T22:37:46Z")
[QUOTE=Khadaji] [Silva Mind Control](http://www.amazon.com/Silva-Mind-Control-Method/dp/0671739891/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-4071462-4793634?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190757585&sr=1-1) They aren’t talking about controlling the minds of others - they are talking about controlling your own. I found the book in a bargain bin a few years ago. It was interesting, but I never finished it. One of the claims he makes is to teach you ESP. I didn’t learn that. [/QUOTE] I knew a woman who taught Silva Mind Control. She gave seminars, made a bunch of money, and quit. Most of the attendees were people who needed to take control of their lives. Two days of EST type brainwashing and these folks were ready to rock and roll. One of the things adepts can do is diagnose illnesses through SVM. Somehow she managed to miss the stomach cancer that killed her father 6 months after she gave him the once over. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-martial-arts-bulls-t-ever/420430.md?page=3)