# Best medieval nickname EVER! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 24, 2005, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625 "2005-02-24T01:50:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/61 "2005-02-27T21:33:08Z")
My favorite nickname is a New England one from the early 1600’s. The Puritans sometimes went in for very elaborate, religious-themed names. Since the time is about as close to medieval as it is to modern, I thought I’d slip it in here. A young woman introduced her self, “My name is ‘Through Tribulation We Reach the Kingdom of Heaven’, but my friends call me ‘Tribby’” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Prize](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Sir\_Prize](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Prize)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/62 "2005-03-20T21:59:19Z")
> [@Hugh Jass](#): > > No one mentioned Charles the Hammer? That name is cool enough to make up for all the fats, shorts, and balds the french dealt out. He was also Charlemagnes grandpop Brings to mind the from the Hannukah hero Judah Maccabee, i.e., Judah the Hammer aka [Fred](http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/j/judah.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/63 "2005-03-20T22:07:52Z")
My 6 x great grandma’s first name was Mehitabel. I just call her Grandma Hitty. My 2 x great grandfather had a brother who was referred to as “Ovid the Obsteperous”. Or so said my grandmother. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/64 "2005-03-20T22:24:08Z")
I’ve always wondered about the Kievan Grand Knyaz “Vsevolod of the Large Nest” – even among the sorts of epithets we’re looking at here, that one stands out as ODD. Probably the coolest one ever, though, is Constantine VII Porphyrogenitos of the Byzantine Empire, literally “Born to the Purple.” ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/65 "2005-03-20T22:42:06Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > I’ve always wondered about the Kievan Grand Knyaz “Vsevolod of the Large Nest” – even among the sorts of epithets we’re looking at here, that one stands out as ODD. > > Probably the coolest one ever, though, is Constantine VII Porphyrogenitos of the Byzantine Empire, literally “Born to the Purple.” Of course on the flipside of cool Byzantine nicknames, we have Constantine V Copronymos. As a poor wee babe he let his bowels go in the baptismal font, and thus the world was graced with “Shit named”. But for cool, we’ve got to add Basil II Bulgaroktonus, the Bulgar Slayer. Not a man you’d want to mess around with. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/66 "2005-03-21T19:36:31Z")
It’s worth a bump to say that this thread had some of the funniest posts I’ve ever seen. (Jean THE Fair Maid of Kent…Harley the Flatulent…but especially Magnus and his Flame-Proof Pants). And that perhaps Johh Softsword, Ivar the Boneless and Enrique the Impotent should get together and form a support group. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/67 "2005-03-22T04:33:41Z")
> [@Priam](#): > > Of course on the flipside of cool Byzantine nicknames, we have Constantine V Copronymos. As a poor wee babe he let his bowels go in the baptismal font, and thus the world was graced with “Shit named”. > > But for cool, we’ve got to add Basil II Bulgaroktonus, the Bulgar Slayer. Not a man you’d want to mess around with. Ah, if we’re venturing into Byzantine territory, let’s not forgot **St. John Chrystostom** , the Archbishop of Constantinople. His name literally means “John Golden Mouth”. Must have preached a hell of a sermon … . Or **Justinian Rhinometus** … Justinian Slit-Nose. The Byzantines had a habit of cutting off the noses of deposed emperors to prevent them from reclaiming the throne. Justinian said "screw that, I’m still emperor even if I don’t have a nose … " made a quick alliance with the Bulgarians, marched on Constantinople and retook the city. Or my personal favorite: **Zoe Carbonopsina** … Zoe of the Dark Eyes, the mistress of Emperor Leo VI. She must have been gorgeous … . ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/68 "2005-03-22T15:14:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Or Justinian Rhinometus … Justinian Slit-Nose. The Byzantines had a habit of cutting off the noses of deposed emperors to prevent them from reclaiming the throne. Justinian said "screw that, I’m still emperor even if I don’t have a nose … " made a quick alliance with the Bulgarians, marched on Constantinople and retook the city. Ahh but you missed the truly Byzantine part: he had a golden prosthetic nose made for himself. I wonder how you say “Golden Honker” in medieval greek? ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/69 "2005-03-22T15:42:12Z")
**Suleiman the Magnificent** probably takes the cake, for Best Sobriquet. I’m thinking of using it as my username. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625/70 "2005-03-23T01:52:29Z")
st john chrystostom’s paschal sermon is read in every orthodox chuch during the pascal service. he did have a way with words… even when translated out numerous time into many languages. it seems only mafia types have cool nicknames anymore. i am bummed that scandinavians went from really cool names to the extremely boring like jensen. sigh. could be worse i suppose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-medieval-nickname-ever/291625.md?page=3)