# Best Mock-Profundity **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898 "2010-02-06T03:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/21 "2010-02-08T16:42:21Z")
Well, there’s the lyrics to “All You Need Is Love”: _There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung…_ On first hearing this, one might think that Lennon is saying something like “With love, all things are possible”. But in fact, each of these lines is simply a tautology. If you can do it, then by definition, it can be done. In other words, “The only things you can do are doable things.” Actually, I think that makes it a lot more interesting. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/22 "2010-02-08T17:35:05Z")
Before any big football game that features a high-flying offense, it’s a safe bet you’ll hear something like this: Play-by-Play Man: What do you think will be the key for the Jets in this game against the Colts? Ex-Jock Commentator (with VERY serious look on his face): Well, Bob, if the Jets want to beat the Colts today, they’re definitely going to have to outscore them. As opposed to every other game, in which you win by UNDERscoring your opponent, presumably. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/23 "2010-02-08T17:39:55Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Before any big football game that features a high-flying offense, it’s a safe bet you’ll hear something like this: > > Play-by-Play Man: What do you think will be the key for the Jets in this game against the Colts? > > Ex-Jock Commentator (with VERY serious look on his face): Well, Bob, if the Jets want to beat the Colts today, they’re definitely going to have to outscore them. > > **As opposed to every other game, in which you win by UNDERscoring your opponent, presumably**. Golf and cross-country come to mind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wolf-alice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9e8a1a/32.png) [@wolf-alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf-alice)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/24 "2010-02-09T09:59:15Z")
[QUOTE=janis\_and\_c0] I thought for a moment this thread was for mock profanity, frizzlerfrazzle dagnabbit! [/QUOTE] Me too. I’m pre-coffee. I came in to say “bar stewards”. Rather more on-topic, a friend of mine used to stare gravely into the middle distance and proclaim “Ah, yes. He’s like a wolf on lemons”. A lot hinged on the delivery, and the fact that people would nod sagely and then surreptitiously try to work out what the hell he meant. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/25 "2010-02-09T11:04:35Z")
A leader without followers is just a man taking a walk. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/26 "2010-02-09T11:47:21Z")
“Paradise is exactly like where you are right now, only much, much, better.” Of course, the [delivery](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZkjoXyexKk&feature=related) makes all the difference. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/27 "2010-02-09T12:50:42Z")
> [@movingfinger](#): > > No matter where you go; there you are. Not quite OT, but this one reminds me of the Irish “directions” conversation. Lost Person: “Excuse me, could you please tell how to get to Ballyvaughan from here?” Irish Local: "Ah sure, if I wanted to go _there_ I wouldn’t start from here. " ---
**Author:** ![Vorpal\_Blade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/9de0a6/32.png) [@Vorpal\_Blade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vorpal_Blade)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/28 "2010-02-09T14:04:27Z")
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. (Lennon?) ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Norse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/big_norse/32/9954_2.png) [@Big\_Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Norse)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/29 "2010-02-09T17:55:06Z")
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/30 "2010-02-09T18:33:24Z")
> [@wolf-alice](#): > > Me too. I’m pre-coffee. I came in to say “bar stewards”. Belgium. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/31 "2010-02-09T18:44:31Z")
> [@Dervorin](#): > > I believe it’s “dictum sit”, but otherwise, full marks. Has anyone ever made a comment in Latin on the SDMB and NOT had it corrected? ---
**Author:** ![FalseMirage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@FalseMirage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalseMirage)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/32 "2010-02-10T08:53:57Z")
The more tired the mind, the bigger the mountain. ---
**Author:** ![FalseMirage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@FalseMirage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalseMirage)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/33 "2010-02-10T08:55:50Z")
If at first you don’t succeed, you didn’t get it right the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/34 "2010-02-10T15:43:14Z")
“A leopard cannot change his shorts.” and “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/35 "2010-02-10T18:11:04Z")
My dad had one: “He’s as full of shit as a Christmas turkey.” 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Norse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/big_norse/32/9954_2.png) [@Big\_Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Norse)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/36 "2010-02-10T20:03:10Z")
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/37 "2010-02-10T20:11:28Z")
(fiddle around lighting a cigarette. In a French accent, mumble,) I like it when it is good. (take a deep breathe of cigarette smoke. Hold it for a couple of three. Exhale through nose and teeth) I don’t like it when it is bad. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/38 "2010-02-10T20:36:29Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Has anyone ever made a comment in Latin on the SDMB and NOT had it corrected? Non. ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/39 "2010-02-10T21:10:27Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Non. Nullus. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FalseMirage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@FalseMirage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalseMirage)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2010, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-mock-profundity/527898/40 "2010-02-10T21:43:30Z")
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