# Best movie monologues! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 5, 2001, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673 "2001-06-05T14:18:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/21 "2001-06-06T00:40:58Z")
I can’t believe no one has mentioned _Fight Club_ yet. There are like 10 different monologues in that flick that kick ass. My favorites are when the manager finds the rules of Fight Club in the copier, and confronts “Jack” about them… > [@](#): > > Well, I gotta tell ya, I’d be very careful with who I talked to about that, because the person who wrote that is dangerous. And this buttoned down, oxford-cloth psycho might just… SNAP! and stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-15 semi-automatic gas-operated carbine, pumping round after round into colleagues as co-workers. This might be someone you’ve known for years… someone very, _very_ close to you… > [snatches paper from manager’s hand] > Or maybe you shouldn’t bring me every little piece or trash you pick up. …and when Tyler burns Jack’s hand. I don’t remember it, but the parts that stick out are “Our fathers were our models for god, if our fathers bailed on us, what does that tell you about god? [slaps Jack to keep him awake and rapt] You have to accept the possibility that god does not like you. In all probability, he hates you! Fuck redemption man, fuck damnation! We are god’s unwanted children, so be it!” _ **SPOILER ALERT!!!** _ Any other parts in the movie where it’s just Tyler and Jack talking could be considered a monologue, since Tyler and Jack are the same person all along, and they have some cool conversations. Another movie with some great monologues is Clerks. Randall was the man in that flick. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/22 "2001-06-06T00:47:34Z")
I’ll second Holden’s monologue from Chasing Amy. I always tear up at that scene. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/23 "2001-06-06T00:56:12Z")
I’m gonna sound like an idiot on this one, but the job-quitting speech from [Joe vs. The Volcano](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0099892) (written by John Patrick Shanley, no less) is one of my favorite pieces of monologue ever. “I sold you my life for three hundred lousy dollars a week.” I watch it every time I need to make a change in my life. And then there’s Spalding Gray. I could watch him monologue for hours, and in fact, often have. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/24 "2001-06-06T01:01:39Z")
And how could I forget? What about Tom Cruise’s poem recital in _Cocktail_? ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/25 "2001-06-06T01:07:09Z")
Yes, _Clerks_ - the gum salesman’s monologue - “…Now he’s going to launch into his rap about how he’s just doing his job; following orders. Friends, let me tell you about another bunch of hate mongers that were just following orders; they were called Nazis…” Queeg in _The Caine Mutiny_ -"…Ah, but the strawberries! That’s where I had them…" Don’t know that it counts as a monolgue exactly, but the delivery of HAL’s final words in _2001_ was perfect: > [@](#): > > Just what do you think you’re doing Dave? Dave, I really think I’m entitled to an answer to that question. I know everything hasn’t been quite right with me…but I can assure you now…very confidently…that it’s going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do. Look, Dave…I can see you’re really upset about this…I honestly think you should sit down calmly…take a stress pill and think things over. I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently…but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission…and I want to help you. Dave…stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave…Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a…fraid…Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Verbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/26 "2001-06-06T01:13:37Z")
Bill Murray’s “It just doesn’t matter” pep speech in Meatballs 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Danimal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Danimal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danimal)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/27 "2001-06-06T01:23:47Z")
I strongly agree with **plnnr** on the Scott oration and with **Spoonbender** on Shaw’s speech. Several good ones have been mentioned here, but those two are the cream of the crop for my money. Other favorites of mine: Burt Lancaster rendering judgment on himself in _Judgment at Nuremberg._ Gene Hackman telling the story of the shootout at the Bluebottle Saloon in _Unforgiven._ Humphrey Bogart saying farewell to Mary Astor from _The Maltese Falcon._ Mel Gibson’s speech to his men before Stirling _Braveheart_ (much more memorable to me than anything he says to Robert the Bruce). Mel Gibson again, in that neat parallel montage scene from _Ransom_ where he explains his desperate thinking to Rene Russo. George Sanders tearing into Anne Baxter in _All About Eve_ (not technically a monologue, since Baxter gets in a few words edgewise, but close enough). Gregory Peck offering the gold coin to whoever first sights the white whale, in \* Moby Dick.\* And in a lighter vein: Jose Ferrer poetically killing his foe in _Cyrano de Bergerac._ Edward G. Robinson dressing down his boss about the insurance biz from _Double Indemnnity._ Wallace Shawn’s dying speech from _The Princess Bride._ Billy Crystal’s lecture to the school kids in _City Slickers._ I am intensely embarrassed to note that I can’t think of a single really top-notch movie monologue by a woman. In fact, nobody’s posted one yet. The best I can think of is Helena Bonham Carter’s mad scene from _Hamlet;_ I like it, but there have to be better ones than that! ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/28 "2001-06-06T01:42:23Z")
I love you. And not in a friendly way, Although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way, Although I’m sure that’s what you’d call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable. I love you. Very simply, very truly. You’re the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. I know you think of me as just a friend, And crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I had to say it. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing You only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship – No pun intended – But I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, And I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, Then it hurts me. But god… I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, Regardless of the outcome, Which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I’ll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, And if there is a moment of hesitation, That means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that – At least for ten seconds – – And try to dwell on it. There isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me half the person I am when I’m with you, And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me. You can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, Please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, Which – while I do appreciate it – I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. - Holden McNeil (Chasing Amie) Sorry about the format but it’s easier for me to memorize that way and I just might preform it in a few days for drama and a… ummm… friend of mine. Any suggestions? Kitty ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/29 "2001-06-06T01:56:14Z")
Dennis Hopper in _True Romance_: “Do you like history…” Good call **Hometownboy** with Wilfred Brimly. One of my favorites. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/30 "2001-06-06T02:40:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Danimal > > Edward G. Robinson dressing down his boss about the insurance biz from Double Indemnnity. **Danimal** , you are the **Manimal**! I was just going to mention this, one of my all-time favorite monologues in any film! Just once in my life I’d like to give it to someone as good as that. The best part was when he was finished, he just reaches over and takes the guy’s water: “May I have this?” - pause to drink - “Next time, I’ll rent a tuxedo! Come on Walter…” _slam_ Oooh! Love it!!! Folks, if you haven’t seen that, you simply must. Now my contribution is the entire film **Give 'em Hell Harry** , starring James Whitmore. He plays President Truman in a one-man show. The highlight for me is his speech to the KKK. Great stuff! ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/31 "2001-06-06T03:01:25Z")
FPK, that was totally cool. I think that’s definitely one of the best movie monolougues ever. The best was after she got out in the rain, and then he followed her, and then she yelled at him and so he left, but then she comes running back and jumps into his arms. I think that Joey Lauren Adams was a good pick for that character because of her scratchy voice, and the sound that she made when she jumped into his arms and hugged him was awesome. Any Kevin Smith flick kicks ass, but Chasing Amy was one of the best. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/32 "2001-06-06T03:06:12Z")
“monolougue”? What the hell is a “monolougue”? I swear, I am such a dumbass sometimes! ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/33 "2001-06-06T04:14:47Z")
Peter’s interview with the Bobs in _Office Space_. “I have eight different bosses now. _Eight_ bosses. That means when I make a mistake, I’ve got eight people coming by to tell me about it.” (paraphrased from memory) ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/34 "2001-06-06T04:35:41Z")
\*\* Kitty \*\* Why did you post that? Now I’m teary eyed. If a man said that to me IRL… ::sigh:: ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/35 "2001-06-06T04:40:07Z")
It’s not a monologue (although the finalsumming-up is), but my vote goes for the Parliamentary Debate in Robert Bolt’s **Lady Caroline Lamb** I love Bolt’s work, but I could easily lose that whole film and not miss it – except for that scene in Parliament. Politics as it should be! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/36 "2001-06-06T04:57:44Z")
My two favorites are: -Tim’s monologue from **Monty Python and the Holy Grail** : “…Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointy teeth!” -Stanley Spadowski’s mop monologue from **UHF** : “…Sometimes, you have to take what life gives you… ‘cuz life is like a mop! Life gets full of dirt, an’ crud, an’ hairballs, and you have to stick it in this thing and just clean it out. Clean it out real good. But sometimes, life sticks to the floor so hard, you have to get down there with, like, a toothbrush. And you just scrub, and scrub, and scrub, and scrub, and scrub… but if that doesn’t work, if that doesn’t work, you can’t give up. You have to stand right up, run to a window, and say, ‘Hey! These floors are dirty as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!’” ---
**Author:** ![straykat23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@straykat23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straykat23)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/37 "2001-06-06T05:05:33Z")
Michael Caine in “Little Voice.” He won the 1998 Golden Globes Best Actor award for his performance and was an Oscar nominee. Plays a sleazy loser talent-scout trying to profit off Little Voice (Jane Horrocks). He gives a stunning monologue at the end of the movie. Made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. ---
**Author:** ![exchicagoan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@exchicagoan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/exchicagoan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/38 "2001-06-06T05:20:58Z")
I second SPOONBENDER’S choice of ROBT. SHAW’S telling of the USS INDIANAPOLIS tragedy in JAWS. The rest is silence. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/39 "2001-06-06T05:38:57Z")
Speaking of Chasing Amy, does anyone have the soundtrack? If so, does it have the song that Alyssa sang in the bar on it? That song rocks, and as I already mentioned, I love her scratchy voice. ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673/40 "2001-06-06T06:06:54Z")
Florence Rasmussen in _Gates of Heaven_. Nothing else even comes close. But among those that haven’t been mentioned: The introduction to _Plan 9 from Outer Space_ The amp that goes to 11 speech in _This is Spinal Tap_ Peter Finch’s on-air speech after being told he’s being fired in _Network_ (not the “I’m not going to take it anymore”, although that one’s good, too) Steve Martin complaining about his missing rental car in _Planes, Trains, and Automobiles_ Rick’s final farewell to Elsa in _Casablanca_ (how did the discussion get this far without this one?) Lloyd Dobler’s speculation about his future plans in _Say Anything_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-movie-monologues/67673.md?page=3)