# Best of "Penile Injuries" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2017, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122 "2017-01-02T02:14:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/21 "2017-01-02T23:56:58Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > In conjunction with the post [post=19877379]Inserts[/post] about various items inserted (and hopefully removed) from various orifices I bring you an annual culling of “Greatest Hits”. > > [http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-1790335656](http://adequateman.deadspin.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-1790335656) > > An example: “SORES ON HIS PENIS 6 DAYS BEGAN AFTER HE SPRAYED LIDOCAINE SPRAY ON PENIS TO PROLONG ERECTION” :eek: > > At the end is bonus linking to previous years happenings. Wouldn’t this also reduce pleasure for his partner, unless he put a condom on afterwards? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/22 "2017-01-02T23:58:14Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > He’d been having sex with a girl, and torn his foreskin. :eek::eek: The ER doctor (a tiny Filipino woman), as she was stitching him up (under a local anesthetic, I sure hope!) was questioning him: “So, how did this happen? Were you having dry sex?” He was close to incoherent, but, as she instructed him that he was not to have an erection for two weeks, to let the sutures heal, I realized that a kidney stone wasn’t so bad, in comparison. I can understand a ban on intercourse, but erections? How do you not perform an involuntary bodily function? ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/23 "2017-01-03T00:03:58Z")
Many stitches later, Mr. Radish admitted he was trying to test the suction. He forgot about the spiral blades, which made four long lacerations. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/24 "2017-01-03T02:10:03Z")
Which “raises” the question - is there anything that someone won’t stick their dick into? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/25 "2017-01-03T05:37:31Z")
I don’t remember the details but when I was a kid, my parents were always fighting my youngest brother to wear underwear. He must have been like 4 or 5 and he never would wear any under his pants. Well one day he happened to…zip it up…in his jeans zipper. All I remember is him screaming from the bedroom as they tried to get him…released… He wore his underwear after that. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/26 "2017-01-03T06:02:02Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I can understand a ban on intercourse, but erections? How do you not perform an involuntary bodily function? I suppose that one can at least avoid actively putting yourself into situations that’d be guaranteed to cause an erection – don’t watch porn, don’t play with yourself, don’t try to get it on with your girlfriend, etc. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the guy had been having sex with a girl in the back seat of his car when it happened. He apparently then kicked the girl out of the car, before driving himself to the ER. Classy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/27 "2017-01-03T06:13:41Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I suppose that one can at least avoid actively putting yourself into situations that’d be guaranteed to cause an erection – don’t watch porn, don’t play with yourself, don’t try to get it on with your girlfriend, etc. > > Oh, and I forgot to mention that the guy had been having sex with a girl in the back seat of his car when it happened. He apparently then kicked the girl out of the car, before driving himself to the ER. Classy. 😛 Paragraph 1: I was thinking more of “morning wood” and other nocturnal erections. You can’t avoid sleeping for 2 weeks. Paragraph 2: He must have been REALLY mad at her, or maybe she was too intoxicated to drive him? Even though I don’t have a penis (I guess I do have a bit of a foreskin, over my clitoris) I couldn’t imagine a guy being able to drive himself with an injury like that. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/28 "2017-01-03T06:14:45Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > I don’t remember the details but when I was a kid, my parents were always fighting my youngest brother to wear underwear. He must have been like 4 or 5 and he never would wear any under his pants. Well one day he happened to…zip it up…in his jeans zipper. All I remember is him screaming from the bedroom as they tried to get him…released… He wore his underwear after that. I’ve heard of girls experiencing this with their belly skin. OUCH! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/29 "2017-01-03T06:21:21Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Paragraph 1: I was thinking more of “morning wood” and other nocturnal erections. You can’t avoid sleeping for 2 weeks. > > Paragraph 2: He must have been REALLY mad at her, or maybe she was too intoxicated to drive him? Even though I don’t have a penis (I guess I do have a bit of a foreskin, over my clitoris) I couldn’t imagine a guy being able to drive himself with an injury like that. :eek: 1. Very true; I’m not sure how exactly he was supposed to achieve it, but that was distinctly the instruction which the ER doctor gave to him. 2. The sense I got was that he panicked and shoved her out the door of the car. Also, I managed to drive myself to the ER with the pain of a kidney stone – which, female physicians have told me, is comparable in pain level to the pain of laboring in childbirth. In retrospect, _I_ was an idiot in that situation (I should have called for an ambulance), and I suspect that he was none too bright, either (plus very panicky, of course). ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/30 "2017-01-03T06:47:54Z")
About 8 months or so ago the zipper was stuck on my young son’s pants and I was helping him with the zipper and I accidentally zipped it up on his member. I felt so bad about it and he still gives me the stink eye when he’s putting his pants on in the morning.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/31 "2017-01-03T16:42:54Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Nothing good can come from this. I saw that. ---
**Author:** ![Vicsage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e68b1a/32.png) [@Vicsage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vicsage)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/32 "2017-01-03T16:55:57Z")
Heard a story years ago, don’t know if true but it is believable. A boy was tired of bedwetting, so he used a rubber band before he went to bed. Got Gangrene. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/33 "2017-01-03T21:16:00Z")
> [@Zeke\_N.Destroi](#): > > There are a couple that I just don’t get one way or the other - how do you slam your dick in a drawer unless you are hung like a horse and look for socks in a way unknown to me? You don’t have a prehensile penis? Poor lad [sub]or, I should say, “poor lasses”[/sub]. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122/34 "2017-01-04T00:57:56Z")
> [@Vicsage](#): > > Heard a story years ago, don’t know if true but it is believable. A boy was tired of bedwetting, so he used a rubber band before he went to bed. Got Gangrene. :eek: I’ve heard of incontinent men using a clamp which is specially designed for that purpose, and some women use urethral plugs. Yikes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-penile-injuries/776122.md?page=1)