# Best of The Onion **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657 "2009-09-02T18:12:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/1 "2009-09-02T18:12:35Z")
What are some of your favorite Onion articles? I love the articles but, for whatever reason, I never actually visit the website unless following a link posted here. However, I went today and [this one](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_some_kids_head_cracked_open?utm_source=a-section) is not bad at all. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/2 "2009-09-02T18:24:35Z")
[today’s video is also pretty good](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/facebook_twitter_revolutionizing?utm_source=nav) ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/3 "2009-09-02T18:40:37Z")
Some of their frontpage article titles (with no article at all, sometimes with a small picture) are the funniest things ever. Jewish Stock Car Booed Off Track Deviant Kellogg’s Worker Comes In Specially Marked Boxes Head Deadhead Dead (in reference to the death of Jerry Garcia) Brown Workers Put Company in Black Aspiring Film Director Can Help Next Person In Line Like Boxes Of Shit In Your House? Get A Cat Some favorite articles that actually have text with them: Amish Give Up: “This is Bullshit,” Say Elders Asians Defying Stereotypes: More and More Are Becoming Stupid Lazy-Asses Supreme Court Overturns Car Their first edition after 9/11 was a keeper. “Life Turns into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie,” with dramatic photos of the impact/fireball, and of the post-collapse debris cloud roiling down a street (caption: “another scene not from a movie.”) , and interviews of shocked witnesses who were distraught at seeing (in real life) all of the over-the-top violence they normally received from Hollywood, but without the victorious hero or happy ending. And another article, with the hijackers finding themselves not in Paradise, but in Hell, being tortured in imaginative ways by a pantheon of demons. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/4 "2009-09-02T19:01:43Z")
I’ve been anticipating something, if “anticipate” is the right word. [Jean Teasdale](http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/teasdale) is established as a devoted Patrick Swayze fan. I daresay the woman who writes JT (and Jim Anchower; oddly enough, those are my two favorites) has long since composed Jean’s tribute to Swayze, and it will appear in the next issue after he finally succumbs. At any rate, I don’t see how she **can’t** acknowledge his death. And it’ll be interesting to see how Jean honors him. Re: the 9/11 issue. I liked “Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American Flag Cake.” On 9/11, I made pancakes for dinner. “Not knowing what else to do” is a fairly accurate description of my mood that evening. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/5 "2009-09-02T19:08:24Z")
This is [my favorite](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54360) and every time one of these threads come around I post it again in the hopes at least just more more person reads it. ---
**Author:** ![MerryMagdalen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@MerryMagdalen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MerryMagdalen)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/6 "2009-09-02T19:16:15Z")
[Alzheimer’s Sufferers Demand Cure for Pancakes](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29738) ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/7 "2009-09-02T19:31:58Z")
One of my favorites: [Neighbors Remember Serial Killer as Serial Killer](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32531) A more recent entry from the Onion News Network (video): [Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film as ‘Fun’, ‘Watchable’](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film) ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/8 "2009-09-02T19:49:43Z")
[Starbucks Phase Two](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28657) ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/9 "2009-09-02T19:50:38Z")
I like the “In The Know” panel discussion videos. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelQReilly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@MichaelQReilly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelQReilly)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/10 "2009-09-02T19:54:02Z")
[One of my favorites](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cheering_fans_thrilling_ncaa?utm_source=facebook_1) ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/11 "2009-09-02T20:01:16Z")
[Not a Crack House, a Crack Home](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33874) [Radioshack](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/even_ceo_cant_figure_out_how) [Area Asshole](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29102) There was a great headline from WWII in the Dumb Century book that was giant capital letters WA- with “Continued on Page 2” underneath. The whole issue after 9/11 was pretty damn funny, especially considering what was going on. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/12 "2009-09-02T20:09:08Z")
[This](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33174) one is probably my all-time favorite. Other memorably hilarious ones: [Nation’s Dog Owners Demand To Know Who’s A Good Boy](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28037) [Cat Fancy Magazine Blasts Area Kitten](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30395) [California Recall Candidates](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29334) - the last one just kills me. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/13 "2009-09-02T20:27:51Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > [This](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33174) one is probably my all-time favorite. That one’s great. A friend of a friend of mine once worked for the Onion in Madison and she had a great story about it. She used to answer the letters and/or emails as part of her job and most of them were from people who got it. Readers typically get the joke, but occasionally one story will slip through. Her example was [this one](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in). She got a lot of requests for that story so people could share it with their Sunday school class and bible camp and whatnot. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/14 "2009-09-02T20:40:17Z")
Earlier this year, the [paper was taken over by a Chinese business](http://www.theonion.com/content/china), which led to amusing headlines. Their [website](http://www.yuwanmei.com) is pretty good, too. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/15 "2009-09-02T21:17:49Z")
There are so many classics, it’s hard to make up my mind. But I’m going to with [Five or Six Dudes Jump Out of Nowhere and Just Start Whaling on This One Guy](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28455), which perfectly nails the BS’ers we all love to hate. My favorite headline without a story is “Gender of Person in Clown Costume Unclear”. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/16 "2009-09-02T21:21:03Z")
My all time favorite is [Visting Gore Calls Pennsylvania a ‘Hellhole’](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/visiting_gore_calls_pennsylvania_a) I’m annoyed that they stopped publishing the annual collections in book format. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/17 "2009-09-02T22:11:06Z")
This was my first introduction to The Onion: [Community Outrage](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/community_leaders_outraged_over) It is still one of my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/18 "2009-09-02T22:29:12Z")
> [@Joe Frickin Friday](#): > > Their first edition after 9/11 was a keeper. ". One of the greatest moments in the history of fake news and unbelievably needed after the events. Speaking of: pretty much all of Our Dumb History (the collection of The Onion throughout history featuring such articles as [World’s Largest Metaphor Hits Iceberg](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/60695) and [Holy Shit: Man Walks on Fucking Moon!](http://store.theonion.com/holy-shit-man-walks-on-fucking-moon-1969-p-332.html). And their Atlas is also hysterical. One of my favorites is the entry for Alabama (something akin to "quietly relegalized slavery on a school funding bill that passed by a vote of 212 to 2 3/5). Favorite advice columns include [Ask the Faulknerian Idiot Manchild](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37422) and [Ask a Woman Who May Be Poor, But She Has Her Pride, And No One Will Ever Take That Away From Her](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37394), and of course I’m a “Jeanketeer of the First Order” (how many real life Jeans are there?) and I’m especially a fan of [her personal website](http://hometowns.cyber-net-village.com/Orlando/7302/Rick/sportzone/misc/folders/Jean/). Some of the funniest lines though have been in their ‘person on the street’ interviews. One that comes to mind was when [Anna Nicole Smith’s son died](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53013): "“I’m just surprised a child raised by Anna Nicole Smith made it to 20” (so tasteless I tried not to laugh out loud). And their videos can be spot on: [Should we be doing more to curb the graphic violence in our dreams?](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/should_we_be_doing_more_to_reduce) (“But I don’t need a dead baby…” made me choke the first time I saw it) [The new Apple wheel](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary) ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/19 "2009-09-02T23:12:03Z")
Some of my favorites … [‘85 Chicago Bears Return To Studio: Shufflin’ Crew begins work on long- awaited follow-up album](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39118) [Point-Counterpoint: My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34156) [Project Manager leaves suicide Powerpoint presentation](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30903) [Housemates Reject Third-Roommate Debt-Relief Plan](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30779) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/20 "2009-09-02T23:22:00Z")
Some of my faves: [Nation In Frenzy About Little Wizard Boy And All His Little Wizard Friends](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_in_frenzy_about_little) [DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54064) [Massive Tag Body Spray Slick Spreading From Jersey Shore](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/massive_tag_body_spray_slick) [Basketball Rolls To Stop At Cheney’s Foot](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/basketball_rolls_to_stop_at) [Mars Rover Beginning To Hate Mars](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54360) [U.S. Populace Lurches Methodically Through The Motions For Yet Another Day](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29551) [New Study Finds College Binge Drinking To Be A Blast](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29565) [Archaeologist Tired Of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657.md?page=2)