# Best of The Onion **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657 "2009-09-02T18:12:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/21 "2009-09-02T23:36:47Z")
> [@TJVM](#): > > One of my favorites: [Neighbors Remember Serial Killer as Serial Killer](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32531) Timely, that one, in light of whatshisname from whereisit. ---
**Author:** ![Fritz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c57346/32.png) [@Fritz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fritz)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/22 "2009-09-03T00:02:19Z")
One of my favorites: [Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54916) ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/23 "2009-09-03T00:19:02Z")
> [@mobo85](#): > > Earlier this year, the [paper was taken over by a Chinese business](http://www.theonion.com/content/china), which led to amusing headlines. Their [website](http://www.yuwanmei.com) is pretty good, too. My favorite headline from that edition: [Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nothing_at_all_happens_to_28) ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/24 "2009-09-03T00:42:15Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > And their Atlas is also hysterical. One of my favorites is the entry for Alabama (something akin to "quietly relegalized slavery on a school funding bill that passed by a vote of 212 to 2 3/5). Oh yes. My favorite is the caption under the flag for France: “The outer thirds can be detatched in case of emergency surrendering.” ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/25 "2009-09-03T04:44:21Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Oh yes. My favorite is the caption under the flag for France: “The outer thirds can be detatched in case of emergency surrendering.” Nah, the best one of those is in Alberta, Canada. “The crowd from Rush’s 1975 Fly By Night Tour is still waiting for Neil Peart to finish his drum solo.” ---
**Author:** ![adhay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@adhay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhay)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/26 "2009-09-03T05:00:24Z")
This one is really [sick](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/courageous_man_refuses_to_believe). ---
**Author:** ![fuzzypickles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9d8465/32.png) [@fuzzypickles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzypickles)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/27 "2009-09-03T07:12:53Z")
[God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28484) [Tree Featured in ‘The Deer Hunter’ Dies @ Age 286](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tree_featured_in_the_deer_hunter) [Video Game Character Wonders Why Heartless God Always Hits ‘Continue’](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/28 "2009-09-03T11:55:11Z")
My favourite, and I have the t-shirt, is “Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes” ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/29 "2009-09-03T12:41:18Z")
[Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930) Forever my favourite, mostly because it came true. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/30 "2009-09-03T13:34:07Z")
[Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30420) ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/31 "2009-09-03T14:04:05Z")
[God Answers Prayers](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28812) My absolute favorite! ---
**Author:** ![adhay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@adhay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhay)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/32 "2009-09-03T14:13:10Z")
> [@yanceylebeef](#): > > [God Answers Prayers](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28812) > My absolute favorite! Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/33 "2009-09-03T14:39:18Z")
> **[The Onion | America's Finest News Source.](https://www.theonion.com/)** > > The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/34 "2009-09-03T14:56:30Z")
[Bill Gates Grants Self 18 Dexterity, 20 Charisma](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29743). ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/35 "2009-09-03T15:05:20Z")
[Franz Kafka International Airport](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international) is just great. I also love this image of [Slobodan Milosevic](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34432). ---
**Author:** ![Yossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9de0a6/32.png) [@Yossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yossarian)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/36 "2009-09-03T15:14:04Z")
[Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28308) [Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512) ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/37 "2009-09-03T15:22:56Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > [Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930) > > Forever my favourite, mostly because it came true. 😃 [Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over’](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784). Written January 2001. And I second the Kafka airport video; I think it’s the finest video they’ve done. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/38 "2009-09-03T15:35:48Z")
I love the point-counterpoints, but my very favorite is this one: [U.S. Out Of My Uterus (by Jessica Linden) vs. We Must Deploy Troops To Jessica Linden’s Uterus Immediately (by General William Patterson)](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34180) ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/39 "2009-09-03T15:43:42Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > [Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over’](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784). Written January 2001. > > And I second the Kafka airport video; I think it’s the finest video they’ve done. [Bush to Iraqi Militants: Please Stop Bringing It On](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32829) (April 28, 2004) [Bush Admits Misgivings About Famed Phrases](http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-01/14/content_409051.htm) (Jan. 14, 2005) ---
**Author:** ![Transistor\_Rhythm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@Transistor\_Rhythm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Transistor_Rhythm)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/40 "2009-09-03T15:54:27Z")
[I Didn’t Install This Two-Way Motel-Room Mirror To Watch People Commit Suicide.](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54714) Brutally hilarious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657.md?page=3)