# Best of The Onion **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657 "2009-09-02T18:12:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/101 "2009-09-15T15:02:34Z")
My all-time favorite: [Inspirational Poster Kitten Falls To Death After 17 Years](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/35519) And no love for Smoove? [Girl, It Is Tiime For You To Get Smooved](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37319) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/102 "2009-09-15T16:55:52Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > My all-time favorite: [Inspirational Poster Kitten Falls To Death After 17 Years](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/35519) > > And no love for Smoove? [Girl, It Is Tiime For You To Get Smooved](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37319) How could one forget Smoove? However, I am still searching all over the Onion, to find only the finest Smoove column one can. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/103 "2009-09-15T18:16:47Z")
Here’s a [late entry](http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/15/jessica.simpson.dog/index.html)… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/104 "2009-09-16T02:52:34Z")
[Liechtenstein, Andorra Forced To Fight By Larger Countries](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liechtenstein_andorra_forced_to) [Energetic Self-Starter Instantly Despised By Co-Workers](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39209) [Cousin Oliver To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house) [Bathroom-Disinfectant Ad Reinforces Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31853) [Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn’t Own A Television](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694) [What The Hell Did I Cram In My Anus Last Night?](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33488) [Nation’s Teens Disappointed By Banned Books](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28619) [Mid-Level Manager Forced To Find Out Who Isn’t Flushing The Toilet](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28547) [Area Woman Offended For Fourth Time In One Day](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_woman_offended_for_fourth) [Coalition Of Developmentally Disabled Adults Demands Trip To McDonald’s](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28528) [This New Toilet Paper Is So Soft And Absorbent!](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33434) [That Teen-Abstinence Rally Totally Rocked!](http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/that_teen_abstinence_rally) [Archangels Already Sick Of Cardinal O’Connor Telling Them How They Do It In New York](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31684) [Mormon Teen Loses Inhibitions After Third Benadryl](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28421) [Parents Of 80-Pound Toddler Lapping Up Publicity](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38755) [Bush Reluctantly Accepts Donation From Parents](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_reluctantly_accepts_donation) [Welcome To T.G.I. Fridays! May I Annoy The Living Shit Out Of You?](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33404) [Carload Of Faggots Just Pulled Up To Drive-Thru, Cashier Reports](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28344) [Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/fun_toy_banned_because_of_three) [Someday, I Will Drive This Short Bus Myself](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33370) [CNN Still Releasing News Piled Up During Elián González Saga](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28200) [Neighborhood Children Gear Up For Hotly Anticipated ‘Opening Of The Gerbil’s Tomb’](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28071) [Clinton Declares Self President For Life](http://www.theonion.com/content/news/clinton_declares_self_president) [Religious Cousin Ruins Family’s Christmas](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38622) ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/105 "2009-09-16T03:06:32Z")
[Dr. Seuss: Stop Making Movies About My Books](http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/stop_making_movies_about_my) [Disney Lab Unveils Latest Line of Genetically-Engineered Child Stars](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/disney_lab_unveils_its_latest) [Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/special_boy_with_freakishly_large) [Trekkies Bash New _Star Trek_ Film As “Fun, Watchable”](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film) [Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank in Face](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists) [Sony Releases New Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work](http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of) ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/106 "2009-09-16T03:10:53Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Here’s a [late entry](http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/15/jessica.simpson.dog/index.html)… I’m sorry for the dog but that just has me laughing out loud! That could so be an onion article. also, I call hoax on your location. It does not exist - I checked. So tell us what’s _really_ your URL 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/107 "2009-09-16T04:34:24Z")
[In My Day, Ballplayers Were For Shit](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33402) > [@](#): > > The modern fan could tell you Barry Bonds’ on-base percentage with two outs and runners in scoring position during night games on the road, but he’s never even heard of the old St. Louis Browns shortstop Walter “Shitty Batter” Dugan. They called him that because he was a real shitty batter. He’d swing at anything, Dugan would. I swear, I once saw him swing at a throw the pitcher made to first base. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657/108 "2009-09-16T19:47:35Z")
Just happened to re-read this one. Still cracks me up: [Oh my God! The baby!](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33436) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-of-the-onion/508657.md?page=5)