# Best person to be sperm donor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2012, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380 "2012-02-10T04:26:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/21 "2012-02-10T18:22:11Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Brother. He shares the most genetic material with second mom, assuming they care about that sort of thing, and at least in my family, my uncles and aunts and cousins were like auxiliary parents and siblings, anyway. So Uncle Joe is the genetic father, Mom is the genetic aunt, any of Uncle Joe’s other kids are cousins and genetic half-siblings, and Grandpa and Grandma and all the other relatives are the same, genetically and relationally. Nothing weird about that at all, to me. People raise their nieces and nephews all the time. > > Father is right out. Having the kid be their mom’s half-sibling would be too bizarre for everyone involved. > > The cousin would be fine, but if you have the option of the brother, that would be preferable. I agree with, and love, this answer. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/22 "2012-02-10T18:53:23Z")
All icky. Go for someone anonymous with great DNA, some brains and brawn and looks. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/23 "2012-02-10T19:01:20Z")
I say brother, because aside from the ‘eww’ factor of using the father’s sperm, the brother carries genes from both of the baby’s grandparents. Theoretically his DNA is closer to his sister than anyone else’s is. That’s assuming there’s nothing wrong with his DNA or his mother’s family’s. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/24 "2012-02-10T19:04:01Z")
> [@chacoguy](#): > > Brothers and Sisters shouldn’t marry. Wouldn’t you end up with genetic problems from along these same lines? Same problem with lawyers marrying, but there’s still no law against it. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/25 "2012-02-10T19:08:38Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > I say brother, because aside from the ‘eww’ factor of using the father’s sperm, the brother carries genes from both of the baby’s grandparents. Theoretically his DNA is closer to his sister than anyone else’s is. Not really. The father is a guaranteed half of the one mother’s chromosomes, but the brother could be anywhere from nearly all to nearly none. Each of the siblings have half their parents’ genes, but they aren’t guaranteed to get the same half. I’d still go with the brother for social reasons, though. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/26 "2012-02-10T21:18:42Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > All icky. > > Go for someone anonymous with great DNA, some brains and brawn and looks. Aw shucks. I accept. Where is the fertile wench? ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/27 "2012-02-13T19:36:57Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > what problems? There can be custody issues up until the birth of the child when they are presumably adopted by the second parent. Depending on your relationship with your brother, he could make things quite hairy. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/28 "2012-02-13T20:34:33Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > There can be custody issues up until the birth of the child when they are presumably adopted by the second parent. > > Depending on your relationship with your brother, he could make things quite hairy. I don’t think there are custody issues with unborn children. The brother could make things hairy, but that’s the same with any known donor. It’s something lesbian couples have to weigh up when considering anonymous (till 18) sperm donation vs. having a child who has some contact with their biological father and, in this case, biological connections to both families. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/29 "2012-02-13T22:49:13Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Father is right out. Having the kid be their mom’s half-sibling would be too bizarre for everyone involved. I’ve got a great idea for a new sitcom. Unfortunately, it’ll probably end up as a reality show. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/30 "2012-02-13T23:01:42Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > Aw shucks. I accept. Where is the fertile wench? I thought the line was “Bring on that girl with the abscessed tooth!” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/31 "2012-02-14T00:39:53Z")
Brother, for reasons \*\*Heart of Dorkness \*\*has already said. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/32 "2012-02-14T05:05:30Z")
The overwhelming choice of the brother to father the child is not really a big surprise. It’s a version of Levirate marriage. There are also a few cultures where a woman’s consanguineal brother performs the roles that in most Western cultures are function of the father. Most of the time, the roles are determined by lineage and inheritance. Matrilineal descent systems are more likely to have an uncle performing “father” roles. In some kinship terminologies, there isn’t a separate word for father and uncle; all male relations of _ego_’s mother are called by the same word. [Hawaiian kinship](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawaiian_kinship) is an example. (Western societies generally use [Eskimo kinship](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo_kinship) terms). The fact that so few people chose the cousin as a possibility I think shows how particularly strong the cultural feelings against cousin marriage are in North America. In some kinship systems, [cross-cousin marriages](http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~anthrop/tutor/marriage/xcuz.html) are preferred due to some degree of kinship ties, but very low chance of significant consanguinity. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2012, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380/33 "2012-02-14T05:20:49Z")
In the hypothetical, I chose brother. But practically speaking, I think it would be better to use donor sperm from an unrelated person with physical characteristics like the partner who isn’t carrying the child. Otherwise it can lead to an awkward three-parent situation. Is it possible that the brother could be held legally responsible for child support if the lesbians broke up later on? Seems risky. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-person-to-be-sperm-donor/612380.md?page=1)