# best put-downs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 22, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061 "2002-09-22T01:18:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/1 "2002-09-22T01:18:18Z")
I just heard this one on a rebroadcast of the old BBC quiz show, “My Music”. The German conductor Hans Knappersbusch once conducted a mediocre orchestra. After the performance, the orchestra manager asked him, “When was the last time you conducted our orchestra?” His reply: “Tonight.” OUCH! 😃 So post the best, shortest, and most pointed put-downs you’ve heard of (or perpetrated yourself). ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/2 "2002-09-26T23:21:16Z")
Garrison Keillor’s Guy Noir once told a tough-guy, “It’s a good thing your mother isn’t here. She’d be very disappointed in you.” I once told a guy he was a terrible waste of skin and hair. –Nott ---
**Author:** ![mandielise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58956e/32.png) [@mandielise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandielise)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/3 "2002-09-26T23:26:56Z")
My dad says, “You could be replaced by a high form of plantlife.” ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/4 "2002-09-26T23:51:13Z")
_Something I said in my wild youth:_ Random man: Hey, baby, where’s the party? Me: Your house. Go home. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/5 "2002-09-27T00:49:10Z")
From _Smokey and the Bandit_: > [@](#): > > There is no way that you could come from my loins. The first thing I’m gonna do when we get home is punch yo’ mama in the mouth! Admittedly, it’s only good for putting down your own child, but still. 🙂 Another favorite: > [@](#): > > Did your parents have any children that lived? ---
**Author:** ![Omnipresent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@Omnipresent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omnipresent)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/6 "2002-09-27T01:40:18Z")
My cousin as said out of his car window to another who’s female driver just cut him off: _“I hope you die of a long, painful, expensive bout of ovarian cancer”._ The “expensive” part really got me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/7 "2002-09-27T01:57:07Z")
A group of teenage boys driving past a pretty girl. One of them shouts, “Hey baby, do you fuck?”. She quickly responds, “No. But my brother does. Bring your mother around sometime!”. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/8 "2002-09-27T02:24:22Z")
You’re so low that you have to look down to see up! (Yes, I’m six years old.) ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/9 "2002-09-27T02:34:22Z")
“One” must look down "One"s nose for this one. Regardless of the question…if it is impertinent, rude, uncalled for, intrusive…the answer is always this one. “ExCUSE me?” [sub]Gotta have supercilious attitude, but…[/sub] This WORKS…trust me ! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![xcheopis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bc8723/32.png) [@xcheopis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xcheopis)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/10 "2002-09-27T02:40:21Z")
From my mother, whenever any of us began whining instead of trying: **"Think of it as an intelligence test."** ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/11 "2002-09-27T02:50:14Z")
John McKay, head coach of the Tampa Bay Bucs, was asked after another loss: Reporter: “How do you feel about your team’s execution?” McKay: “I’m in favor of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/12 "2002-09-27T02:55:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*You’re so low that you have to look down to see up! > \*\* I mean, of course, that you have to look up to see down. :o ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/13 "2002-09-27T03:29:07Z")
Oh dear. I think someone suffers from delusions of relevance… ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/14 "2002-09-27T03:30:46Z")
Sorry, I’m on a dreadful hotel browser, that was meant to appear in quotes. I’ve always just threatened to use that one, never actually had the chance. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/15 "2002-09-27T12:26:36Z")
What do you think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a good idea. –Gandhi ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/16 "2002-09-27T12:50:03Z")
I’ve been called worst by better people. When someone asked to speak to my “superior”: I have no superiors and damn few equals. When someone makes a really rude and uncalled for remark, I just say “AND?..” ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/17 "2002-09-27T15:59:49Z")
…one time, for some reason, my ex invited me and some mutual 'net buddies into a chatroom. This was after we’d broken up. He started talking about being extremely…ah…frisky, and wanting to visit a, shall we say, _working girl._ Him: “Hey, anyone wanna lend me $40 so I can see a whore?” Me: “Sure, I’ll do it. . .(new line). . .you need the practice.” That got out just about all of my anger towards him…'specially sine everyone laughed. ---
**Author:** ![pendgwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pendgwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pendgwen)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/18 "2002-09-27T16:01:10Z")
I have occasionally referred to someone as a waste of carbon. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/19 "2002-09-27T16:11:53Z")
I can’t remember the names, but it’s a telegram conversation between author and publisher: A - Must have quick answer as have other irons in fire. P - Suggest you remove irons and insert typescript. And still in literary vein: Dear sir, I am in the smallest room in my house and your MS is in front of me. Soon, however, it will be behind me. ---
**Author:** ![ralphthemuppet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@ralphthemuppet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralphthemuppet)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/20 "2002-09-27T16:12:18Z")
After once having a woman berate him for ‘inappropriate’ behaviour while drunk, Winston Churchill is alledged to have replied “Madame, in the morning I will be sober - you will still be ugly” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061.md?page=2)