# best put-downs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 22, 2002, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061 "2002-09-22T01:18:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/21 "2002-09-27T16:26:07Z")
**From the World of Sports** Shortly after coming out, Martina Navratilova (sp?) was asked by an idiot (male) sportswriter: “Are you still a lesbian?” Martina replied: “That depends. Are you still the alternative?” Goaltender Patrick Roy was badly beaten on a goal by Jeremy Roenick who was gloating afterward to reporters. Roy (who’d won two championships at that point) was asked if he’d heard what Roenick had to say. “No. I had my two Stanley Cup rings in my ears” and the best one of all… Former Jets DE and general jackass Mark Gastineau once cornered a female sportscaster in the locker room and dropped his towel, asking “What do you think of this?” Her reply: “It looks like a penis only smaller” ---
**Author:** ![Breezy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b3f665/32.png) [@Breezy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breezy)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/22 "2002-09-27T16:32:37Z")
What’s the one Judge Judy uses all the time? something like “On my worst day I’m still smarter than you on your best day.” It always cracks me up when she says that. hahaha She uses a lot of good insults, though. :D:D ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/23 "2002-09-27T18:54:00Z")
I still enjoy the Garry Marshall on Murphy Brown delivery on the oldies-but-goodies: What were you, brought up in a barn? What were you, raised by wolves? (it has to be his tone of voice though) ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/24 "2002-09-27T20:53:41Z")
Sometimes I wonder if the best part of you dripped down the crack of your mamma’s ass - _A putdown one of my employee’s gave one of his co-workers lastweek_ ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/25 "2002-09-27T22:05:58Z")
Nice suit…somewhere there’s a Ford Gremlin missing it’s upholstry. ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/26 "2002-09-27T23:21:41Z")
From the old, glorious but not forgotten Valerie Harper sitcom _Rhoda_: Male pest: I thought I’d come round and cheer you up. Rhoda: You can not do _both_. From _American Idol_. Paula Abdul putting down Simon Cowell: That’s what happens when you get breast-fed by your father. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/27 "2002-09-27T23:39:22Z")
Maybe not the “best”, but the line has stayed with me for over 30 years. paraphrased from the movie “The Wild Bunch” One of the guys who was part of the posse that was chasing the “Wild Bunch” says to the Robert Ryan (leader of the posse). We’re doing the best we can. To wihich Ryan responds; I know, and that’s what worries me. ---
**Author:** ![hapaXL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/94ad74/32.png) [@hapaXL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hapaXL)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/28 "2002-09-27T23:53:25Z")
Good for any debate: I’m sorry, were you talking? ---
**Author:** ![rostfrei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@rostfrei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rostfrei)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/29 "2002-09-28T01:01:29Z")
Pretty weak, but here goes. “You’re beat up from the feet up, and need a check-up from the neck up”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/30 "2002-09-28T02:06:55Z")
It’s not often I get to send a thread to the BBQ Pit as a reward. 🙂 Let 'er rip! ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/31 "2002-09-28T02:38:45Z")
“I could replace you with a very small shell script.” (What can I say, I’m a Unix geek) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/32 "2002-09-28T03:55:49Z")
I was always sort of fond of: “Humm - Nice dress you’re wearing - didn’t they have it in your size?” ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/33 "2002-09-28T04:03:19Z")
From a venerable SDMB thread: “You’re one load your momma should have swallowed.” ---
**Author:** ![bobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f9ae1b/32.png) [@bobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobo)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/34 "2002-09-28T04:10:51Z")
hey Belrix, OH YEAH! love that one… now I have to sound off (unfortunately you stole my best \*nix based insult)… (ps… love the BOFH, clickety click) so here we go with the insults… I hope no one takes offense “You’re a load that should have been swallowed” or “You’re the result of a load that should have been swallowed” “I really wish your mother had been pro-choice” “Did you ever think of just eating a bullet??? seriously, the end result would be the same, and you’d endure a lot less failure and suffering” “Thousands of people die everyday… why can’t you be on of them?” “I know you think what you just spewed from your mouth was insightful, and I pity you for that” “How is it that you keep from dragging your knuckles on the ground?” “So… did your parents know each other before they were brother and sister?” “Given your last statements, I’m surprised that you remember to breath a few times a minute” and I could go on… on wait, there’s one more… “Oh, I see you’re using Windows™…” (apologies to Windows™ users… I know “it [windows] gets the job done”, but OS X and Linux also get the job done, and they cost less and are more powerful 😉 ---
**Author:** ![\_ceQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b9bd4f/32.png) [@\_ceQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_ceQueen)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/35 "2002-09-28T04:51:51Z")
Hey, “You’re so low that you have to look down to see up!” actually makes a lot of sense. It took me a couple of seconds to get it in this variation, I came to conclusion you meant that the person is so low down that he/she came through the earth and is now on the other side, and has to look what would be down to you, to see up. ---
**Author:** ![Entwife](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dc4da7/32.png) [@Entwife](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Entwife)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/36 "2002-09-28T05:51:47Z")
A co-worker to me, when I wore a particularly…um…_exuberantly_ patterned skirt: “Who shot the couch?” ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/37 "2002-09-28T06:11:55Z")
Someone here uses this as a sig line, and I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen (probably paraphrased, because I have CRS these days): “Everyone has something to bring to the conversation. I think from now on you should bring silence.” ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/38 "2002-09-28T06:27:09Z")
“There’s two kinds of Stupid in this World, and I’m pretty sure you’re both of them.” ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/39 "2002-09-28T06:27:31Z")
Nice cologne, must you marinate in it? Wow does that shirt/dress/etc come with batteries? Nice hair/shirt/dress/etc, did you lose a bet? Listen you slimey piece of veneral drip, if I need to hear any shit from you, I’ll send you a fucking memo. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2002, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061/40 "2002-09-28T06:29:21Z")
“That’s a nice tie. Was it a present ?” “You look different! Have you had your face done ?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-put-downs/129061.md?page=3)