# best retort to "you're being closed minded" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 18, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983 "2011-06-18T23:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/41 "2011-06-19T21:32:55Z")
If someone said that to me, and I didn’t want a favor from them, or they were English, I’d say, “I will take a blowtorch to your trachea and fuck the blood hole, you say that again.” What’s wrong with you people??? ETA I forgot the Japanese. No offense! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/42 "2011-06-19T21:39:32Z")
I suppose you could explain that the thing that sets humanity apart from other animals is that we believe in woo. Oh, wait a minute . . . ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/43 "2011-06-19T22:07:20Z")
> [@Shig](#): > > These “orbs” were a good sign she said. “Really? I’ve always heard they were a bad omen and meant that evil spirits were following you to kill you and steal your soul when you die. But hey, they’re probably just the camera flash reflecting off particles in the air, right? Anyway, good luck on the interview. Be sure to ask them about their insurance benefits.” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/44 "2011-06-19T22:39:27Z")
“I’m just trying to help you not sound like an idiot or a lunatic in educated company.” ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/45 "2011-06-19T22:53:35Z")
Doesn’t anybody just say, ‘fuck you,’ anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/46 "2011-06-19T23:09:09Z")
The girl isn’t saying the orbs are anything other than they are. She’s saying they’re lucky for her. There’s really no argument for that, since you can’t prove they AREN’T. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/47 "2011-06-19T23:11:55Z")
Somebody owes me a new keyboard. I just spit all over it, going back over the thread. Apparently it works still, the keyboard. Points to **msmith537** for the wittiest thing I’ve seen today. Thanks! ETA Style points to **Jack Batty** --good stuff. Actually, it’s a dead heat between you and the other guy – equally funny. ETA hate that orb shit. People are fucking nuts – hell with them and their little ghost-lets or whatever that’s supposed to be. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/48 "2011-06-20T00:02:22Z")
The response you’re looking for, instead of questioning the woo woo, whatever it’s stripe, is a hearty, “Indeed!” “I was abducted and probed!” “Indeed!” “These orbs are a good sign!” “Indeed!” “The dingo ate my baby!” “Indeed!” There is hardly a statement which cannot reasonably be met with an “Indeed!” Try it, often, wear it out, I promise, you will not be disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/49 "2011-06-20T01:10:29Z")
How about: “The jerk store called and they’re running out of you!” ? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/50 "2011-06-20T01:35:57Z")
To which my response is “You must be their best customer if they call you just to let you know they’re running out of something” ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/51 "2011-06-20T01:42:18Z")
Just take on a shocked look, say “Excuse me,” vomit on her, and then profusely apologize. After a few iterations, say “I don’t think these orbs are lucky for me,” before you vomit on her. It might take some time and a couple of dozen iterations, but there is a good chance that eventually she will stop touting orbs in your presence. Unfortunately, this remedy is not without risk, for there is also a good chance that she will insist on your taking an echinacea enema while stroking a crystal pyramid. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/52 "2011-06-20T02:07:00Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > To which my response is “You must be their best customer if they call you just to let you know they’re running out of something” Oh, yeah? Well I slept with your wife! ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/53 "2011-06-20T02:14:04Z")
My wife’s dead – or a hippy, I can’t tell which. I closed the mind of your limp-cirumcised dick by putting a nice, hot candle right up against the tip, and if you talk to me about your mind – or mine – I will end the short, short life of your penis with the fire. and **Stink** – my wife’s dead (not really, I wish), and I still slept with her. Better her than \ ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/54 "2011-06-20T05:43:30Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > My wife’s dead – or a hippy, I can’t tell which. I closed the mind of your limp-cirumcised dick by putting a nice, hot candle right up against the tip, and if you talk to me about your mind – or mine – I will end the short, short life of your penis with the fire. > > and **Stink** – my wife’s dead (not really, I wish), and I still slept with her. Better her than \ I’m not sure what to say here. I’ve been rendered speechless. When this happens, it’s time to go. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/55 "2011-06-20T06:26:03Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The [Orbs of the Prophets](http://memory-alpha.org/wiki/Orb)? Those aren’t [orbs](http://www.google.com/search?q=orb&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=hOf-TZBj4erSAdCtgJsD&ved=0CBYQkQ4&biw=1067&bih=501), unless the Bajorans failed geometry. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/56 "2011-06-20T06:35:21Z")
“Oh, that’s so cute! Would you like a treat? Yes you would! But seriously, I have a bitch border collie that is less gullible than you.” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/57 "2011-06-20T07:47:42Z")
> [@echo6160](#): > > Careful. It sounds like you’re opening up yourself to endless stories about how so and so knows a guy who saw something this one time and it was strange so that is my proof! Yup. Pointing out lack of evidence is persuasive to me but on woos it works in the same way that torturing a totally blind guy by shining a bright light in his eyes works. If woos understood the whole “evidence” thing, they wouldn’t be woos. When arguing with people who have stupid views, I find that the only thing they cannot deny out of hand are their own views, so you have to use their own views against them. In other words, the answers above that basically involve making stupid shit up and demanding your protagonist confirm they believe in it or be labelled “close minded” are on the right track. Keep making up stupider and stupider shit till even your protagonist can’t confirm they believe in it, then call them close minded relentlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Ritter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ritter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ritter)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/58 "2011-06-20T08:22:39Z")
It’s better being a skeptic than a fool. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983/59 "2011-06-20T14:40:51Z")
I’d just say “Yeah, you’re probably right.” and then change the subject and move on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-retort-to-youre-being-closed-minded/585983.md?page=2)