# Best Review of a Toilet, ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2011, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609 "2011-10-14T06:53:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bri2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/48db29/32.png) [@Bri2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bri2k)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/21 "2011-10-14T18:21:24Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > “Gaze upon my glorious morning shit and despair, peons!” Wouldn’t they be gazing upon _something else_ if they were pee-ons? Bri2k ---
**Author:** ![gregorio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@gregorio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gregorio)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/22 "2011-10-14T19:54:57Z")
Mmmmmmm! Moscillate. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/23 "2011-10-14T19:54:58Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > And what if the batteries, er, crap out at an inopportune time? There is an emergency manual button in the back, or so said the review. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/24 "2011-10-14T19:56:22Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > For $6400, I don’t even want it to be a toilet. I want a Star Trek-style transporter that simply beams the pee and crap right out of my bladder and bowels, sending them directly into the sewer system, and all I have to do to make it happen is yell out “Make it so, Number One/Number Two” as my needs dictate. A while ago someone was selling a kit to let you turn your living room into the bridge of the Enterprise. This would make a perfect captain’s chair/throne. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/25 "2011-10-14T20:23:24Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > A while ago someone was selling a kit to let you turn your living room into the bridge of the Enterprise. This would make a perfect captain’s chair/throne. “I’m receiving a number of distress signals.” ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/26 "2011-10-14T20:36:36Z")
Can you imagine how insufferable hanging out at your friend’s house would be if he’d bought one? “Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Seriously - you should use the bathroom. Anyone? No? Can I get anyone a Coors Light? OK, does anyone want me to go get us some Taco Bell?” ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/27 "2011-10-14T21:06:06Z")
Oh, and I’m pretty sure my first order of business would be to engage the bidet remotely while someone was sitting on it. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/28 "2011-10-14T23:37:18Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Oh, and I’m pretty sure my first order of business would be to engage the bidet remotely while someone was sitting on it. Hell with sitting on it. “Hey, look at that hardware in the bowl” _squirt_ ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/29 "2011-10-14T23:39:48Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Can you imagine how insufferable hanging out at your friend’s house would be if he’d bought one? > > “Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Seriously - you should use the bathroom. Anyone? No? Can I get anyone a Coors Light? OK, does anyone want me to go get us some Taco Bell?” Hell with that - all my friends would be in there examining the thing. Back in 1980 I went to a conference in Austria, and the site had a bathroom with an electric eye operated urinal. All the well known computer architects went in there to play with it. And the cool bathroom in the Madonna in in San Luis Obisbo has been mentioned several times around here. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/30 "2011-10-15T00:37:29Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Have you guys seen the commercial for this thing? It was one of those “watch one long commercial or we’ll interrupt your Daily Show a few times” things on Hulu. I about died laughing - it took ages for me to figure out what on earth the cube was, and then, I mean… well, [look at it.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFRC37si8xw) Forget the toilet, let’s buy curtains for the bathroom first, shall we? What happens when you lose the remote? Because that’s what would happen in our house. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/31 "2011-10-15T00:51:15Z")
For that price, it should be called the Roombutt, automatically sense when I need to pee\*, travel to wherever I am in the house, gently lift me up, pull down my pants, and set me on top of it. \*or vomit ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/32 "2011-10-15T01:09:56Z")
For that price, it should pull the shit out of my ass for me. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/33 "2011-10-15T01:37:22Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > For $6400, I don’t even want it to be a toilet. I want a Star Trek-style transporter that simply beams the pee and crap right out of my bladder and bowels, sending them directly into the sewer system, and all I have to do to make it happen is yell out “Make it so, Number One/Number Two” as my needs dictate. [Obligatory](http://www.spaceavalanche.com/2009/03/16/next-generation/) ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609/34 "2011-10-15T03:44:43Z")
I burst out laughing upon reading this line: > [@](#): > > The audio quality was quite good, considering that you are listening to a toilet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-review-of-a-toilet-ever/599609.md?page=1)