# Best Santorum Headline **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [March 6, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893 "2012-03-06T03:46:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/1 "2012-03-06T03:46:16Z")
Okay, okay, we know that you think the whole Dan Savage Santorum thing is immature and beneath one’s dignity, whatever. Go find another thread to Santorum up. That said, I thought we could collect the best Santorum headlines while they’re still around. Entry number one, from the New York Times: [Santorum Sticks to a Bare-Bones Style](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/us/politics/santorum-sticks-to-a-bare-bones-style.html?_r=1&hp). ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/2 "2012-03-06T03:59:34Z")
I’m stealing this one from another thread, but I about Santorumed my pants when I read this: [“Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way.”](http://weldbham.com/secondfront/2012/02/24/poll-santorum-comes-from-behind-in-alabama-three-way/) ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/3 "2012-03-06T04:44:04Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I’m stealing this one from another thread, but I about Santorumed my pants when I read this: > > [“Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way.”](http://weldbham.com/secondfront/2012/02/24/poll-santorum-comes-from-behind-in-alabama-three-way/) Yep, that’s the one I wanted to mention. If there is a better one out there I’ve yet to see it. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/4 "2012-03-06T05:41:59Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I’m stealing this one from another thread, but I about Santorumed my pants when I read this: > > [“Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way.”](http://weldbham.com/secondfront/2012/02/24/poll-santorum-comes-from-behind-in-alabama-three-way/) Yes, yes he sure does ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/5 "2012-03-06T05:47:26Z")
What’s an “Alabama three-way”? Two perverts and a possum. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/6 "2012-03-06T07:33:33Z")
[Santorum surges from behind in Iowa](http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/attytood/136347948.html) ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/7 "2012-03-06T08:13:55Z")
[Santorum denounces Obama during Cumming rally!](http://www.accessnorthga.com/detail.php?n=245894) Yep. Can see the masturbation now. “Oh, Jesus! Oh, I love you! Oh, screw Obama and his black bones!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/8 "2012-03-06T12:58:08Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Yes, yes he sure does Wink wink nudge nudge say nooooo more! ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/9 "2012-03-06T15:56:07Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > [Santorum denounces Obama during Cumming rally!](http://www.accessnorthga.com/detail.php?n=245894) > > Yep. Can see the masturbation now. “Oh, Jesus! Oh, I love you! Oh, screw Obama and his black bones!” 😃 The first words of that article: > [@](#): > > Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum spoke to an overflow audience … ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/10 "2012-03-07T19:59:35Z")
Santorum vows to wipe stain from American politics Santorum policy positions not just froth Santorum detail-oriented but not anal ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2012, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/11 "2012-03-08T22:32:43Z")
I had to doctor the headline to fit OP’s criterion, and the news source is only slightly more trustworthy than FoxNews, but the article itself may be amusing enough to mention: [“… Santorum … Comes Out Of His Mouth”](http://www.theonion.com/articles/voters-slowly-realizing-santorum-believes-every-de,27518/) ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/12 "2012-03-09T19:38:26Z")
I have a theory that using the phrase “Santorum surge” in a headline or text has become something of a fad for copywriters… I’ve seen it in the [New York Times](http://loyalopposition.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/14/the-santorum-surge-goodbye-ron-paul-territory/) and the [Philadelphia Inquirer](http://articles.philly.com/2012-02-23/news/31091556_1_rick-santorum-democrat-bob-casey-santorum-s-pennsylvania) in the past few weeks. Also, check out [CBS News](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHYpntwvXfg), the [Chicago Sun-Times](http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2012/02/santorums_surge_turns_him_into.html), and [USA Today](http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2012/02/rick-santorum-mitt-romney-national-polls-cbs-/1#.T1pcDnmryoY)… ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/13 "2012-03-09T21:01:07Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > I have a theory that using the phrase “Santorum surge” in a headline or text has become something of a fad for copywriters… I’ve seen it in the [New York Times](http://loyalopposition.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/14/the-santorum-surge-goodbye-ron-paul-territory/) […] I especially liked it in combination with the next clause, “Appeals to Hard Right”. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/14 "2012-03-10T03:03:18Z")
[**Will Beltway Republicans & Team Romney Smear Santorum Too?**](http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&key=ce270d38103a630c3181db372a25a052&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fboards.straightdope.com%2Fsdmb%2Fshowthread.php%3Fp%3D14784402%26highlight%3Dheadlines%23post14784402&v=1&libid=1331348493035&out=http%3A%2F%2Ftownhall.com%2Ftipsheet%2Fgreghengler%2F2012%2F02%2F08%2Fgame_on_will_beltway_republicans__team_romney_smear_santorum_too&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fboards.straightdope.com%2Fsdmb%2Fsearch.php%3Fsearchid%3D7776410&title=Does%20Santorum%20REALLY%20want%20his%20name%20associated%20with%20a%20frothy%20fecal%20looking%20substance%3F%20-%20Straight%20Dope%20Message%20Board&txt=%3CFONT%20size%3D3%3EWill%20Beltway%20Republicans%20%26amp%3B%20Team%20Romney%20Smear%20Santorum%20Too%3F%3C%2FFONT%3E&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13313484936241) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/15 "2012-03-10T04:36:43Z")
Santorum campaign leaks a damaging story Santorum dribbles to end of campaign Santorum explodes on the stump ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/16 "2012-03-13T21:39:45Z")
Santorum: [“The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a plant, how dangerous carbon dioxide is.”](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/12/rick-santorum-plant-carbon-dioxide_n_1340387.html) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/17 "2012-03-15T22:48:24Z")
[Santorum to Puerto Rico: Speak English if you want statehood:](http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/03/14/us-usa-campaign-puertorico-idUSBRE82D16Z20120314) > [@](#): > > Puerto Ricans, who recognize both English and Spanish as their official languages, are scheduled to vote in November on a referendum to decide whether they want to pursue statehood or remain a self-governing U.S. commonwealth. > > In an interview with El Vocero newspaper, Santorum said he supported Puerto Ricans’ right to self-determination regarding the island’s political status. > > “We need to work together and determine what type of relationship we want to develop,” he told the newspaper. > > But Santorum said he did not support a state in which English was not the primary language. > > “Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law,” Santorum said. “And that is that English has to be the principal language. There are other states with more than one language such as Hawaii but to be a state of the United States, English has to be the principal language.” > > However, the U.S. Constitution does not designate an official language, nor is there a requirement that a territory adopt English as its primary language in order to become a state. > > Congress would have to give approval if Puerto Rico is to become the 51st state. Although Congress has considered numerous proposals to make English the official U.S. language, none has ever passed. There are, I suppose, good arguments one might make against statehood for a non-English-speaking-majority territory – if nothing else, it would break all precedent, from the beginning of the Republic; and it would require re-examination and redefinition of what the U.S. is, what it is to be American, what is our national culture and what are its outer limits, and whether a territory/people can ever be part of it that does not have a Britain-derived culture and never will, that, as a whole, will never assimilate to the larger American culture as individual immigrants to the mainland eventually do. But, Santorum cannot seem to think of any relevant arguments, he has to go all RW-constitutionalist and appeal to the authority of the “federal law” (which, after all, can usually/often/sometimes (depending on Congressional party strengths) be changed if a POTUS wants it, so, for a presidential candidate, just citing the federal law doesn’t end the discussion). And make it up, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/18 "2012-03-15T23:37:14Z")
> [@](#): > > and whether a territory/people can ever be part of it that does not have a Britain-derived culture and never will Well, considering English culture, the country has a monarch as head of Church, head of state and head of the armed forces. I’d say that Thomas Paine is a big enough deviation from that to make Puerto Rico’s additional characteristics pretty minor in comparison. Not to mention that demographic changes (such as from hispanic Catholicism to Anglo Protestantism) have induced rapid cultural changes that yielded territories such as Texas (well, after some quibbling). If I were Puerto Rico I’d take the opportunity to secede and become an autonomous anarcho-syndicalist state. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/19 "2012-03-16T03:35:41Z")
[Santorum Promises Broad War On Porn.](http://www.forbes.com/sites/joshbarro/2012/03/15/santorum-promises-broad-war-on-porn/) So, Santorum’s johnson isn’t that long. It’s okay, Ricky-poo. Some women (and men) prefer width. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893/20 "2012-03-16T18:56:03Z")
Some dedicated journalist out there has [collected all the Santorum headlines](http://gawker.com/5872978/). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-santorum-headline/614893.md?page=2)