# Best SCRUBS quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 16, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552 "2008-03-16T14:58:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/21 "2008-03-17T19:02:09Z")
Whose machines? ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/22 "2008-03-17T20:30:49Z")
[QUOTE=Troy McClure SF] Whose machines? [/QUOTE] Radiologist: MY MACHINES!!! Turk: (to JD) How does that help? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/23 "2008-03-17T21:02:52Z")
Followed, of course, by Eliot’s ball-busting bitch slap. Most excellent…Sarah Chalke cleans up quite nicely, doesn’t she? ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/24 "2008-03-17T21:29:46Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Followed, of course, by Eliot’s ball-busting bitch slap. Most excellent…Sarah Chalke cleans up quite nicely, doesn’t she? [/QUOTE] I liked her better before she went and got her hair fried. I use variations on Cox’s “My supporting cast is a clown car full of idiots” line all the time. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/25 "2008-03-17T21:31:58Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Sarah Chalke cleans up quite nicely, doesn’t she? [/QUOTE] I bet she does dirty pretty well, too! 😉 Todd Five! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/26 "2008-03-17T21:40:25Z")
Paraphrased: Jordan: Perry, if you don’t fix this, I’m going to stop having sex with you and start making love. Dr. Cox: Oh Bobbo!! ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/27 "2008-03-18T02:47:20Z")
Janitor: “I called together the brain trust so that you guys can help me get together with blonde doctor.” Randall: "“Burn her house down!” Troy: “I have a plan, but we’ll need a tugboat.” Janitor: “Tugboats and arson. That’s all I ever get from you guys.” * * * Ted: (looking through a medical report) “What’s a buckland?” Dr. Cox: “It’s a predominantly hairless growth that is never found on women.” Ted: “Huh?” Dr. Cox: “It’s your last name, Ted.” * * * JD: “Every time you call me a girl’s name, I die a little inside.” * * * Elliot: “Don’t get me started on judgemental fish.” * * * Elliot: “Frick on a stick with a brick!” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/28 "2008-03-18T02:51:03Z")
[QUOTE=Frostillicus] Jordan: “Where’s Ben? And if you say ‘I don’t know’, I’m going to show you what I learned in my crotch-punching class.” [/QUOTE] And in a similar vein, Elliott’s response to one of The Todd’s comments: “If you show me your penis, I’m going to have to take it away from you.” ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/29 "2008-03-18T02:56:37Z")
[QUOTE=Frostillicus] Janitor: “I called together the brain trust so that you guys can help me get together with blonde doctor.” Randall: "“Burn her house down!” Troy: “I have a plan, but we’ll need a tugboat.” Janitor: “Tugboats and arson. That’s all I ever get from you guys.” [/QUOTE] In a related vein: Troy: (while holding a fork) Want me to hobble her? Janitor: That’s not hobbling, that’s…poking. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/30 "2008-03-18T03:17:00Z")
Knife-wreeeench! ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/31 "2008-03-18T03:20:02Z")
Cox: I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it. _Later_ This moment is so great, I’d cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one, and raise a family of tiny little moments. Troy: Ooh. Your face is as red as a strawbrary. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/32 "2008-03-18T03:59:02Z")
On being challenged to a bet by Janitor: Dr. Cox: “Gosh, I’d love to, but I just don’t know what I’d do with a broken Thermos and two pounds of keys.” ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/33 "2008-03-18T12:57:20Z")
Turk: Dude, what’s the rule about white boys dancing in public? JD: (Sighs) Not allowed unless you’re gay. Both: Good morning Stephen. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/34 "2008-03-18T13:03:10Z")
JD: Are you aware of any underwater tunnels near the hospital? I think I saw a manatee. Janitor: Was his name Julian? JD: We didn’t exchange pleasantries. Janitor: Yeah, that’s Julian. And Janitor to Eliot: “You’re the only one who’s nice to me.” I love how this show is good with the snark, but every so often, they skewer you right through the heart. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/35 "2008-03-18T15:03:33Z")
What, no love for Dr. Kelso? JD: I’m sorry, but you’re wrong, Dr. Kelso. Dr. Cox is a good man. He doesn’t disagree with _everything_ you say. Kelso (raising an eyebrow): Really. (sees Cox) Good morning, Perry! Cox: It’s a terrible day. Kelso: And how are your residents doing? Cox: They’re all idiots! Kelso: Good coffee? Cox (raising his coffee mug): Rat piss. Kelso (facing JD and glowering): Your witness! ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/36 "2008-03-18T17:02:21Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] What, no love for Dr. Kelso? JD: I’m sorry, but you’re wrong, Dr. Kelso. Dr. Cox is a good man. He doesn’t disagree with _everything_ you say. Kelso (raising an eyebrow): Really. (sees Cox) Good morning, Perry! Cox: It’s a terrible day. Kelso: And how are your residents doing? Cox: They’re all idiots! Kelso: Good coffee? Cox (raising his coffee mug): Rat piss. Kelso (facing JD and glowering): Your witness! [/QUOTE] You missed the ending: Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up! Dr. Cox: No, Bob, in fact he’s one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with. Dr. Kelso: [to J.D] Your witness. (Murphy picks up the phone) JD (to Murphy): What are you doing? Murphy (ecstatic): I’m calling my dad! I would also like to add: Turk: DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET CARLA? DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR!? ---
**Author:** ![coffinjumper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@coffinjumper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffinjumper)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/37 "2008-03-18T17:16:39Z")
[QUOTE=nocturnal\_tick] Turk: DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET CARLA? DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR!? [/QUOTE] No, the best part of that episode was Turk singing to the tune of Sanford and Son. And maybe the line before. Turk: Woman, I am not a lollipop! (to the Sanford and Son theme) Quiet down now, it is time to watch the show. Yes it started, don’t be licking me no mo’. Matter of fact could you get me a handy wi-iiipe. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/38 "2008-03-18T18:03:56Z")
Knock knock! Who’s there? Nurse Mophead. Nurse Mophead who? You have a mophead. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/39 "2008-03-18T18:12:18Z")
His last name is Turk? All this time I’ve been calling him Turk Turkleton. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2008, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/best-scrubs-quotes/441552/40 "2008-03-18T18:30:24Z")
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